Short Stories, Jokes and Laughter as Medicine [Archive] - Page 2 - Sabong, Cockfighting and Gamefowl News, Photo, Video; Derby News Schedule, Results, Breeding

Kidd Sentencia

October 29th, 2002, 01:22 PM

Pasensiya na, no time para linisin eh, hehehe.

I. Ang galing ng Pilipino:
1) A couple placed an ad: "Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter."
Responses: Yank: Keep trying!
Briton: Change doctor!
Aussie: Follow a special diet.
Indian: Practice Yoga!
Pinoy: Let me try!

2) Population policies of countries:
> > > > China: Stop at 1 child.
> > > > Singapore: Stop at 2 children
> > > > Philippines: STOP AT 4 A.M.!
> > > >
> > > > 3) Ano kadalasan ang sinasabi kapag nautot?
> > > > American: Excuse me.
> > > > British: Pardon me.
> > > > Pinoy: Not me!
> > > >
> > > >II. Married Life
> > > >1) May isang intsik na sobra ang hilig sa karaoke at inabot ng 5
> > > >am. Dahil sa takot mabugbog ni misis, nag-text ng:
> > > >"Huwag ka bayad ransom. Nakatakas ako. Uwi na ako!"
> > > >
> > > >2) Husband: "Parati na lang tayo away! Maghiwalay na lang tayo!"
> > > > Wife: "Sige, maghati tayo ng mga anak!"
> > > > Husband: "Akin ang mga guwapo at maganda!"
> > > > Wife: "Sus! Pinili pa yung hindi kanya!"
> > > >
> > > >3) Sa harap ng nursery window:
> > > > Friend: Pare, paglaki ng anak mo, I am sure na magaling mag-drive
> > > > Dad: Bakit, pare, malaki ba ang kamay?
> > > > Friend: Hindi. Kasi kamukha siya ng driver ninyo!
> > > >
> > > >4) Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife and
> > > >carried her.
> > > > Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?
> > > > Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!
> > > >
> > > >5) Friend: "Wow, pare, ganda ng shoes mo, ah!"
> > > > Husband: "Oo. Surprise gift ng kumare mo!"
> > > > Friend: "Surprise? Ano occassion?"
> > > > Husband: "Wala. Nakita ko na lang sa ilalim ng kama namin agabi!"
> > > >
> > > >III. Other Jokes:
> > > >1) Health Advisory: Beer contains female hormones, and can turn
> > > >men into women. After 5 pints, men become talkative, unreasonable,
> > > >irritable, cry for nothing, and urinate while sitting!"
> > > >
> > > >2) Question: Who designed the female human body?
> > > > Answer: A Civil Engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste
> > > > pipeline thru a recreational area?!
> > > >
> > > >3) Our brain is made up of 2 parts, the left and the right part.
> > > > With our politicians, the problem is that:
> > > > The LEFT has nothing RIGHT in it,and
> > > > The RIGHT has nothing LEFT in it!

Sundowner

October 30th, 2002, 11:34 AM

My husband and I are both in an Internet business, but he's the one who truly lives, eat, and breathes computers.

I finally realized how bad it had gotten when I was scratching his back one day.

"No, not there," he directed. "Scroll down."

------------------
Sonny

victe

October 30th, 2002, 05:52 PM

Haa??? gurl pala ka u??? hrhrhr!

Kidd Sentencia

October 31st, 2002, 04:56 PM

Try this web site. It's great! http://doody36.home.attbi.com/liberty.htm

victe

November 3rd, 2002, 07:19 PM

Atext receive from the camp:
"Organizations are like coconuts full of people. Those above look down on the ones below them. Those below see only the ass.. holes above them!"

[This message has been edited by victe (edited 11-03-2002).]

Kidd Sentencia

November 20th, 2002, 10:40 AM

Ahmed came to the United States from Afghanistan, and he was only here a few months when he became very ill. He went to > doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him. Finally, he went to an Arab doctor. The doctor said, "Take dees bocket, go into de odder room, poop in de bocket, pee on de poop, and den put your head down over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes.

Ahmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes. Coming back to the doctor he said,"It worked. I feel terrific!
"What was wrong with me?"

The doctor said, "You were homesick."

Kidd Sentencia

November 21st, 2002, 02:20 PM

I just got this Email, I'm sure not alone:

>From: "Mr Peter A. Smith" <perasmith@bahamasmail.net>
>Reply-To: perasmith@bahamasmail.net
>To: sabungero@hotmail.com
>Subject: Partnership/Investment
>Date: Wed, 20 Nov 2002 08:19:30 +0000
>
>Dear Sir,
>
>I am Mr.Peter A. Smith, a Ghanian.It is with my utmost sincererity
>that I am writing this mail to you. I got your contact through the Who is Who and I decided to contact you as most capable to handle this
>business transaction.
>
>I was formerly an accountant general with the former late General Sani Abacha's company in Lome Togo. Please you must keep this business as a top secret to your good self.
>
>During my tenure in office as the accountant general to the late former head of state General Sani Abacha, he deposited in my name the sum of Twenty three million five hundred and fifty thousand United States
>Dollars ($23,550,000.00) cash with a Security company in Lome, Togo. Immediately I heard of his death, I quickly took away the certificate of deposit which was issued to me by the security company. I have gone for the money and was told by the Managing Director of the Security Company that I can only collect the money in their offshore office Abroad.
>
>It was in this respect I wanted you to claim/collect the money from the security company on my behalf and we can use it for viable investments in your country before I join you in your country as a future business
>partner. I plan to invest this funds into a good profitable business with you as my technical partner.
>
>As regarding my present condition of health and financial position,I will not be in a better position to travel out for now till I have fully recovered from sickness. If you accept this my business proposal to you, I would like you to indicate your interest by sending to
>me the reply through my e-mail address.
>
>Your immediate response will facilitate this business transaction as I hope that this transaction is completed within a week of it inception and I look forward to having a good business relationship with you.
>
>Best regards,
>
>Mr.Peter A. Smith.

I replied: F_CK YOU!

hehehe...

Kidd

bam2626

November 21st, 2002, 02:50 PM

Kidd, the classic "Nigerian" letter scam..... Ewan ko nga ba bakit may nagpapaloko pa.....hehehe.....

La Concordia

November 22nd, 2002, 05:17 AM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Kidd Sentencia:
[B]I just got this Email, I'm sure not alone:

>From: "Mr Peter A. Smith" <perasmith@bahamasmail.net>
>Reply-To: perasmith@bahamasmail.net
>To: sabungero@hotmail.com
>Subject: Partnership/Investment
>Date: Wed, 20 Nov 2002 08:19:30 +0000
>
>Dear Sir,
>
>I am Mr.Peter A. Smith, a Ghanian.It is with my utmost sincererity
>

I received it also and I replied,
Actually I also have a problem of how to spend my $35,000,000.00 in one day.

OOOPss. Am not a CF yet.

Kidd Sentencia

November 22nd, 2002, 05:19 AM

Subject: FW: A ride in an F-14

This guy writes for Sports Illustrated. VERY funny!

On a Wing and a Prayer, by Rick Reilly

Now this message for America's most famous athletes: Someday you may be
invited to fly in the back-seat of one of your country's most powerful
fighter jets. Many of you already have -- John Elway, John Stockton, Tiger
Woods to name a few. If you get this opportunity, let me urge you, with the
greatest sincerity.... Move to Guam. Change your name. Fake your own
death. Whatever you do, do not go. I know. The U.S. Navy invited me to
try it. I was thrilled. I was pumped. I was toast! I should've known
when they told me my pilot would be Chip (Biff) King of Fighter Squadron 213
at Naval Air Station Oceana in Virginia Beach. Whatever you're thinking a
Top Gun named Chip (Biff) King looks like, triple it. He's about six-foot,
tan, ice-blue eyes, wavy surfer hair, finger-crippling handshake -- the kind
of man who wrestles dyspeptic alligators in his leisure time. If you see
this man, run the other way. Fast. Biff King was born to fly.

His father, Jack King, was for years the voice of NASA missions.
("T-minus 15 seconds and counting...." Remember?) Chip would charge
neighborhood kids a quarter each to hear his dad. Jack would wake up from
naps surrounded by nine-year-olds waiting for him to say, "We have a
liftoff." Biff was to fly me in an F-14D Tomcat, a ridiculously powerful
$60 million weapon with nearly as much thrust as weight, not unlike Colin
Montgomerie. I was worried about getting airsick, so the night before the
flight I asked Biff if there was something I should eat the next morning.
"Bananas," he said.

"For the potassium?" I asked. "No," Biff said, "because they taste
about the same coming up as they do going down." The next morning, out on
the tarmac, I had on my flight suit with my name sewn over the left breast.
(No call sign -- like Crash or Sticky or Leadfoot -- but, still, very cool.)
I carried my helmet in the crook of my arm, as Biff had instructed. If ever
in my life I had a chance to nail Nicole Kidman, that was it.

A fighter pilot named Psycho gave me a safety briefing and then fastened
me into my ejection seat, which, when employed, would "egress" me out of the
plane at such a velocity that I would be immediately knocked unconscious.
Just as I was thinking about aborting the flight, the canopy closed over me,
and Biff gave the ground crew a thumbs-up.

In minutes we were firing nose up at 600 mph. We leveled out and then
canopy-rolled over another F-14. Those 20 minutes were the rush of my life.
Unfortunately, the ride lasted 80. It was like being on the roller coaster
at Six Flags Over *. Only without rails. We did barrel rolls, sap rolls,
loops, yanks and banks. We dived, rose and dived again, sometimes with a
vertical velocity of 10,000 feet per minute.

We chased another F-14, and it chased us. We broke the speed of sound.
Sea was sky and sky was sea. Flying at 200 feet we did 90-degree turns at
550 mph, creating a G-force of 6.5, which is to say I felt as if 6.5 times
my body weight was smashing against me, thereby approximating life as Mrs.
Colin Montgomerie.

And I egressed the bananas. I egressed the pizza from the night before.
And the lunch before that. I egressed a box of Milk Duds from the sixth
grade. I made Linda Blair look polite. Because of the G's, I was egressing
stuff that did not even want to be egressed. I went through not one airsick
bag, but two. Biff said I passed out. Twice. I was coated in sweat. At
one point, as we were coming in upside down in a banked curve on a mock
bombing target and the G's were flattening me like a tortilla and I was in
and out of consciousness, I realized I was the first person in history to
throw down. I used to know cool. Cool was Elway throwing a touchdown pass,
or Norman making a five-iron bite. But now I really know cool. Cool is
guys like Biff, men with cast-iron stomachs and Freon nerves. I wouldn't go
up there again for Derek Jeter's black book, but I'm glad Biff does every
day, and for less a year than a rookie reliever makes in a home stand. A
week later, when the spins finally stopped, Biff called. He said he and the
fighters had the perfect call sign for me. Said he'd send it on a patch for
my flight suit. What is it? I asked. "Two Bags." Don't you dare tell
Nicole.

astro

November 27th, 2002, 02:24 AM

Thanks for the nice posts CFs,

Tawanan Blues:

1) Kumpisalan

>>Cosme: Father, patawarin po ninyo ako.
..Father: Ano ang kasalanan mo Anak?
>>Cosme: Nagnakaw po ako ng limang manok na tinali.
..Father: Magdasal ka ng limang Ama Namin.
>>Cosme: Father, walong Ama Namin na po ang dadasalin ko. Kasi babalikan ko iyong naiwan na tatlo pang manok na tinali.

2)Usapan ng magkaibigan>

>> Ursula: Halata na iyan tiyan mo, bakit di pakayo magpakasal ng boyfriend mo?
.. Cordapia: Ayaw ng pamilya niya, eh!
>> Ursula: Sino ang may ayaw, ang Tatay o Nanay niya?
.. Cordapia: Ang Misis niya.

Itutuloy...

3) Tanga Raw..Usapan ng magkaibigan sa harap ng malamig na San Mig.

>>Tulume: Ang tanga ng Misis ko. Bumili ng answering machine, eh wala naman kami na telephono..
..Cosme: Mas tanga ang Misis ko. Bumili ng scaner, eh wala naman kaming computer for internet..
??Kulas: Pinakatanga ang Misis ko. Lagi siyang may condom sa bag, wala naman na birdie...
!!Tulume and Cosme: Hahaha, hehehe. Mga Pare bakit kayo tawa...may dala rin condom ang mga misis ninyo?

4) Nag-away ang dalawang bobo:

>> Tomaso: Ano ang gusto mo away o gulo?
.. Bokyo: Away na lang para walang gulo.

Sa susunod mg frens..

[This message has been edited by astro (edited 11-27-2002).]

Kidd Sentencia

November 28th, 2002, 12:41 PM

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come
>
> over here and help me...
>
> I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure
>
> out how to get it started."
>
> Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when
>
> it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the
>
> box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the
>
> puzzle.
>
> She lets him in and shows him where she has the
>
> puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a
>
> moment then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of
> all, no
>
> matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces
> into
>
> anything resembling a tiger."
>
> He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you
>
> to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then ..........." he sighed,
>
> "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

astro

December 3rd, 2002, 06:15 AM

Continuation ng tawanan...

5) What's the difference between ACCIDENT, CALAMITY AND DISASTER

>> When your girlfriend gets pregnant - ACCIDENT
>> When you live with her - CALAMITY
>> When wife find out - DISASTER

6) Sabi ni Jose kay Maria..

>> Alam mo ba kung bakit ka hulog ng langit?
.. Kasi bawal ka doon...

7) >>Ano ba ang animal na di sigurado? BAKA
>>Ano naman ang laging napuputol? CAT
>>Eh, ano naman ang palaging ayos? di OX
>>Eh, ano naman ang pangit? Eh di COW..

8) Teacher: What is the chemical formula of water?

>> Juan: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O
.. Teacher: That's not what I taught you Juan?
>> Mam, you said the formula for water was H to O.

he he he...

9) Lulubog na ang barko:

Pari: San Pedro, San Juan..
Madre: Sta. Fe, Sta. Lucia, Sta. Clara..
Macao: Ano ba kayo, lubok na balko, tawak pa kayo pasahelo!?..

Itutuloy...

[This message has been edited by astro (edited 12-04-2002).]

Soseng

December 4th, 2002, 09:38 AM

Three women die together in an accident and go to
heaven. When they get
there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here
in heaven:

Don't Step on the Ducks."

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are
ducks all over the
place. It is almost impossible not to step on a
duck. Although they try
their best to avoid them, the first woman
accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever
saw. St. Peter
chains them together and says, "Your punishment for
stepping on a duck is
to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps
on a duck, and along
comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with
him is another
extremely ugly man. He chains them together for
eternity as well.

The third woman has observed all this and not
wanting to be chained for
all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful
where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any
ducks.

Then one day St. Peter comes up to her with the
most handsome man
she has ever laid her eyes on . . . very tan,
muscular and sexy. St.
Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve
being chained to you
for all eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I
stepped on a duck."

astro

December 5th, 2002, 11:52 PM

Karugtong....

10) Usapan ng mag-Ama:

.. Ama: Anak, ngayon tapos ka na ng High School, ano ang kukunin mo sa kolehiyo?
>> Anak: Law po, Tatay.
.. Ama: Ano? Tapos ka na ng High, babalik ka pa sa LOW?!

11) Mga lasa ng gatas ng babae:

- Dalagita? Fresh milk
- Dalaga? pasturized milk
- Bagong kasal? skimmed milk
- Matagal na kasal? yogart
- Matandang dalaga? taho
- Lola? tokwa

12) May isang Amerikano na guston kumain puto:

>> Kano: I want to buy few two.
.. Tindera: What Sir?
>> I said one few two.
.. Oh! puto!
>> Kano: Yeah that's right!
.. (Sa loob ng tindera, puto lang, pino-few two, few two pa!, gagantihan ko siya)
>> Tindera: Okey, Sir? What color do you want? few la? or few ti?
>> Kano: few ti na lang:
.. Tindera: Patay???

itutuloy....

banyog1023

December 6th, 2002, 02:51 AM

banyog1023

December 6th, 2002, 02:58 AM

The Difference Between Focus on Problems, and Focus on
Solutions:

When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space,
they found out that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity. (Ink
won't flow down to the writing surface) In order to solve
this problem,
they hired Andersen Consulting (Accenture today).It took
them one decade and 12 million dollars. They developed a pen that worked at
zero
gravity, upside down,under water, in practically any surface including
crystal and in a
temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.

The Russians used a pencil... :-)

banyog1023

December 6th, 2002, 03:05 AM

>
>> GOLF
A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of
>course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of
>the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned
>you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize
>and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us!" So the couple
>walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on
>in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was
>all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near
>the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people
>that broke my window?" "Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the
>husband replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank
>you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a
>thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three
>wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the
>last one for myself." "Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered
>a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest
>of my life." "No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I
>can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!""And now you, young
>lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home
>complete with servants in ever country in the world," she said. "Consider
>it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire,
>burglary and natural disasters!" "And now," the couple asked in unison,
>"what's your wish, genie?" "Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle
>and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to
>have sex with your wife." The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee,
>honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do
>you think?"She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're
>right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what
>about you, honey?" "You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd
>do the same for you!" So the genie and the woman went upstairs where
>they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was
>insatiable! After about three hours of nonstop sex, the genie rolled over
>and looked directly into her eyes and asked "How old are you and your
>husband?" Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly. "OOH ****!
>Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies!?"

banyog1023

December 6th, 2002, 03:10 AM

banyog1023

December 6th, 2002, 03:17 AM

An airplane' s about to crash; there were 5 passengers
but only 4 parachutes

The 1st passenger said: " I am Tiger Woods, world' s
leading golfer. I could still contribute to the game
and I feel I should live.> "
He grabbed the first pack and jumped off.

The 2nd passenger, Oprah, declared: " I could still
give pleasure to millions of TV audience and am not
ready to die. "
She took the second parachute and left the plane.

The 3rd passenger announces: " I am Ronnie Poe Jr, da
Action King in Filipino movies. I will be the next
president of The Philippines and I must survive." He
took a nearby pack and jumped out of the plane.

The 4th passenger is the Pope and told the 5th
passenger, a young Filipino boy aged 12: "I am old and
sickly, I have had a full life and am willing to
sacrifice. Go and get the last parachute so you will
save your life. "

The boy answered: "Do not worry Good Father, there's a
parachute left for you. Da Action King has taken my
school backpack! "

MORAL: Filipinos, enough of these no-brainers, HA!
LET'S VOTE WISELY!

PLEASE SPREAD THIS SO MANY MAY BE REMINDED!

victe

December 21st, 2002, 08:32 AM

Short story

about a year ago, I was able to watch a 4 cock one day derby, there were about 13 jokers from a breeder waiting to meet its opponent...all of the joker are no joke at all..Pangdiin 'ika nga! all of the pandiin joker that were fought won with big bets!

Just a while ago another story were relayed to me by a friend about a 4 cock derby. One cocker/breeder entered four entries. Since there were 16 cocks own by one cocker, the promoter field a lot of jokers for the four entries. And all the jokers lost!

.... to be continued....

victe

December 21st, 2002, 08:35 AM

victe

December 30th, 2002, 10:35 AM

So how did all the joker lost????

Well, if you have four entries under one name and all chickens 16 of them weighs exactly 2.0 KG.. meron bang pandiin na ganito lahat ang weights? so all the jokers lost kc nde nga makaproduce ng pandiin na joker that weighs 2.0 kg!! getz nyu? hrhrhr!

banyog1023

January 8th, 2003, 12:35 PM

>Blonde vs. Lawyer
>
>A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to
>NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde,
>tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the
>window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the
>game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if
>you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa." Again, she
>declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated,
>says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't
>know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's
>attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she
>plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the
>distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word,
>reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill an! d hands it to the lawyer.
>
>Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill
>with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes
>out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He
>taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the
>library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends Emails to all his
>friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde,
>and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get
>some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the
>blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde
>reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
>
>And you thought blondes were dumb...
>
>
>
>
> Enjoy the Life!!! :D :D

Kidd Sentencia

January 9th, 2003, 10:06 PM

Subject: Fact or fiction?

Something to look at when you need a break.

Next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be.... Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell; so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Baths consisted
of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children-last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it-hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water." Houses had thatched roofs - thick straw - piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to
get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof-hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs." There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could
really mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get
slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor
to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway, hence, a "thresh hold." In
those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been
there for quite awhile - hence the rhyme, "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old." Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat." Those with
money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes
were considered poisonous. Most people did not have pewter plates, but had trenchers, a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often trenchers were made from stale bread, which was so old and hard that they
could be used for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed and a lot of times worms and mold got into the wood and old bread. After eating off
wormy, moldy trenchers, one would get "trench mouth." Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust." Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey.
The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake
up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake." England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave.
When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside, and they realized they had been burying people alive.
So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."
And that's the truth...

(Whoever said that History was boring?)--- Samantha Lewis

banyog1023

January 10th, 2003, 11:36 AM

Subject: : what it means to be poor !!

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people can be. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" "It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked. "Oh Yeah" said the son. "So what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered, "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

With this the boy's father was speechless. Then his son added, "Thanks dad for showing me how poor we are."

Too many times we forget what we have and concentrate on what we don't have. What is one person's worthless object is another's prize possession. It is all based on one's perspective. Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for all the bounty we have, instead of worrying about wanting more. Take joy in all you have, especially your friends.

victe

January 15th, 2003, 10:46 AM

Just playing with my thoughts..maybe if you are supertitious believer of leg color matching of the day, feather color matching, then just maybe you can also match your several 2kg with your prefered feather/leg color of your opponent! :D

Harimanok

February 3rd, 2003, 02:05 AM

Si Dan, taga-Bicol:

Dumating si Dan sa Amerika sa tulong ng kanyang Kumpare na may kontak sa immigration sa Pilipinas. Medyo tagilid ang papeles niya kaya masyado siyang maingat (TNT baga). Ayaw man lang lumabas ng bahay si Dan kung hindi kasama ang kanyang kumpare.
E minsan, nagsawa na ang kanyang kumpare sa kaaalalay sa kanya. "Pareng Dan," sabi ng kumpareng tinatago ang inis,"Heto ang susi ng kotse at mga credit cards ko. Magshopping ka naman sa Mall para malibang ka." "Kung may problema ka, tawagan mo ako sa telepono. Papasok na ako sa opisina." Dahil siguro sa hiya ni Dan, kahit nerbiyos na nerbiyos siya, sinubukan niyang lumabas. Tuwang-tuwa si Dan sa pamamasyal sa mall. Nakapili siya ng mga damit na gusto niya. Ngunit
pagdating sa cashier, biglang nataranta at natakot si Dan. Tanong ng cashier, "Visa or Master Card?" Haripas si Dan palabas dahit sa takot! "Aba, hinahanap ang visa ko! Baka nabisto na ako! Syet!" Sakay kaagad siya sa kanyang kotse. Harurot.
Kaso, halos wala ng gas ang sasakyan kaya huminto siya sa isang gas station. Nang maglalagay na siya ng gas, biglang nagsalita ang cashier sa speaker, "Sir, pay first, please." "Naku, patay! Papers daw! Hinahanap ang papers ko!" Nagtatakbo si Dan sa mga eski-eskinita hanggang makakita siya ng payphone. Patago-tago siyang lumapit sa payphone. "(Hingal) Kailangang matawagan ... ko si kumpare...para
masundo niya ako rito (hingal)." Pagtaas niya ng handle ng telepono, narinig niya, "AT&T how can I help you?" "Aba, anak ng putakteh, alam na TNT ako! Buking na ako!" Pagbaba niya ng telepono, may Amerikanong nakatayo sa likod niya, tanong ba naman, "Are you done?" Napahandusay si Dan sa phonebooth. Biglang bulalas, "Buray kan ina!, alam pa ang pangalan ko!" Nagulat ang tisoy, "Hey, be cool, man!"
"Naku! Alam pa kung taga saan ako!" "Is that your green car parked in the red zone?" Hihimatayin na si Danny Boy! "Hinahanapan pa ako ng green card"!!!!!
Kaya sa matinding takot, nagpahuli na lang si Dan. Ngayon si Dan ay nasa Bicol na muli at binansagan na "Dan Balikbayan."

astro

February 3rd, 2003, 03:42 PM

Harimanok,

Hehehe, maurag ka man Noy. Okay ngarod ang kuento mo. Hehehe. Hadaw nam ta dae ka sumali si GK at GD.

Astro

Harimanok

February 4th, 2003, 09:37 AM

Astro,

Even don't understand hispanic, thanks for the compliments. Missed the GK & GD cause I'm still recuperating from my heart surgery. My incision is still painful but tolerable. I'm doing OK and lost about 35 lbs through proper diet, exercise and no worries. Laughter is one of the best medicine.

llamadista9

February 4th, 2003, 11:26 AM

pareng harimanok,
get well pards, what you need is a lot sabong vcd's. barkada ko si dan duman sa bicol, lol.

banyog1023

February 4th, 2003, 12:14 PM

To all the dudes and dudettes celebrating Chinese New Year, have a wonderful and prosperous festive season. Cheers people!

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with Perfect breasts.

He says to her "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for 100
Dollars?"
"Are you nuts?", she replies. And keeps walking away.
He turns around, runs around the block & gets to the corner before she
does.
"Would you let me bite your breasts for 1,000 dollars?" he asks again
.
"Listen sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"

So the guy runs again around the next block and faces her again:
"Would let Me bite your breasts for 10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about it for a while and says "Hmmm 10,000 dollars eh? Ok,
but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there"
so they go to that alley and she takes off the blouse to reveal the
most perfect breasts in the world.

As soon as he sees them he jumps on them and start caressing them,
fondling hem, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them...
but no biting.
In the end the woman gets all annoyed and asks: "Are you gonna bite
them or what?"

"Nah", he replies. "Too expensive."

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

victe

February 9th, 2003, 07:24 PM

Nyaaaaaa HRhrHr!!!

victe

February 17th, 2003, 09:16 AM

some Stories:

Some irony....

Yesterday, my friend as usual informed me that he will join a 3-cock ulutan of course, in the hope that I can help in the matching. It was a difficult task because we will match 2 ten mos. stag and a 12 mos stag.

The first ten mos stag was matched to a bullstag of more or less a little bit higher in station, of equal size but I figure out an easy prey..we were challenged so we accept the match. In the first buckle , it was a no hit for either but the second buckle , our stag was hit in the kili-kili and in about 15 seconds the fight was over , both chicken died but we lost.

in the second matching I find my friend challenged by his friend through his matcher who is a prominent cocker who bet big and would tell him its not his chicken but as always he will released the chicken. He is always out matched every time and my friend always lost. They were after the 10 mos stag I am holding I figure out it is a good match since the stag is bigger than the cock but in my mind Iwant a mis matched and a brutal killing so we can win at least once to this cocker. I divert his attention to the 12 mos. 1 time winner who can easily carry a 3 1/2 inch LK but smaller to the 10 mos. stag I was holding. they refused but by consistent challenged I finally persuaded them to agree. This stag is an ace by my standard and can fight any known breeder chickens anywhere. The matched was a 7/10 call in their favor and I have no way of knowing whether the other chicken is a good chciken since in the first two flies it stayed on the ground and the third was when our chicken landed on its front and do his shufling and another round of a dummy shuffling exercise to finish the job. Our chicken won unscratched and the other indeed, is a mess. I was able to succed in my quest for a psychic gain but it was shortlived when I find out this morning that was the last time and the last fight of this prominent cocker who is always 99% llamado in our pit. Afterall we will always miss our brother in the sport no matter you win or lost with him. farewell my fellow cocker. Our place by the way got plenty of assasins in a motorcycles. he was the second victim in a month's time just when going home from the pit. Damn with this scalawags!

our last fight won but the 10 mos. stag had to be retired due to cut off bituka.

just another story to ponder...another day another time...who'll go next? ngeeeek!

victe

February 26th, 2003, 08:46 AM

Tupada storiy:

While the chaos brought about by the military and MILF is happening in Mindanao, Tupada is still alive though some areas, tupada is not yet permitted by provincial commander except the Video carera:D

Tupada near a division where military abounds going on yesterday. Heres the story:

a 6/10 odd results in the llamado won the fight. period...but wait... a comotion happened after the fight. one man ran straight away from the crowd with someone shouting hey, pay me first. A picture where one with no money bet and lose. "Pago" as it is commonly called in our place. So, one military chased the man. it didn't stopped so he fires in the air.... Bang! bang!...no stop so.... another bang! bang! Four bullets founds its way in the air before the man stopped and raised his hand... in short the man were caught and brought to the person he ran away from. The man owes only 120 pesos! he made a 200 pesos sahod. So the militaRY SCRATCHES HIS HEAD AND SAID...'TNG INA MO...APAT YUNG PINAPUTOK KO..180 PESOS YUN! TALO PA AKO!

and that was the story hrhrhr!:D mahal pala ang gyera 'no? patay pa yung mga batang 'lang kamuwang muwang:mad: mas mahal pa pala yung keeping the peace and order! kesa sa gastos ng mga gumagawa ng gulo! hrhrhr!

La Concordia

February 28th, 2003, 02:32 PM

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Sundowner

March 22nd, 2003, 05:59 AM

That's a good one Pennie, e - sa- pa nga..
Her's one from a Pinoy boy who wants to learn how to speak Spanish.

Bomba este Mama
El Papa la bomba de kama
Tress besses birada
El Papa pagod na
pero la Mama gusto isa pa
El Papa takas na porque TT niya maga na

El Mama tawag katulong nila
Para maera-os at gusto isa pa
Katulong lapit at ayaw din niya
Kasi puso babae pala siya

La Mama nagalit sa kanya
Alsa balutan at layas ka na
Porque tanong ni Papa
No puedi layas siya
Kasi ako extra rin sa kanya
Kung wala ka kami rin dalawa
la bomba din sa cama

Sabi la Mama mamili ka
Ako o siya...
Sagot el Papa..siya talaga
Nagalit la Mama at pinagtapat sa kanya
ang tatlong anak natin ay anak ko sa iba
Pagkat ikaw ay walang ibuga talaga

Gusto ko ikaw lang sana at pinakasalan nga kita
Pero ikaw demonyo ka..hindi mo sinabi sa akin
Bakling ka pala.. Sama na lang kayong dalawa
at ako'y hahanap ng iba...

DDDDD...NNNNN..

dong1967

March 24th, 2003, 12:21 PM

kuto 1: do you hear me over?

kuto 2: copy.

kuto 1: location?

kuto 2: sa bul_ ul ni maam ikaw?

kuto 1 : ta__ina! magkatabi lang pa la tayo! nasa bigote ako ni sir.

dong1967

RC_amoyong

March 24th, 2003, 05:51 PM

> They'd known each other since school days and had
> since become the best of friends. They shared
> everything and anything and spent lots of time
> together in and after school. But...the friendship
> never developed into anything deeper.
>
> Diane kept a secret...her admiration and love for
> Jack. She had her reasons for keeping it a secret.
> FEAR. Fear of rejection... fear that he might not
> feel the same... fear that he might not want to be
> her best friend anymore... fear of losing someone
> that she could always find comfort in. At
> least if she kept her feelings to herself she would
> still be able to spend time with him... and
> hopefully, he would be the one to tell her how he
> felt towards her.
>
> Time passed and soon...school was over. Jack and
> Diane went separate ways. J! ack continued his studies
> overseas while Diane got herself a job. They still
> kept in touch though...penned letters, sent each
> other photographs and mailed each other gifts. Diane
> longed for Jack to be back.
>
> She decided that she would tell him her feelings
> once he got back. And then...out of the blue...the
> mails from Jack stopped coming. Diane wrote to him,
> but there was never a reply. Where was he? What
> happened? Lots of questions ran through her mind...
>
> Two years passed and Diane was still hopeful that Jack would come
> back...or at least send her a note.
> And then her prayers were answered. One mid-August
> day, she received a note from Jack...it said:
> "Diane, I have a surprise for you. I'm flying over.
> Meet me at the airport. My flight comes in at 4 p.m.
> on Saturday. I can't wait to see you again Diane!
> There's something I need to tell you, something I've
> been keeping all this time... Love n Kisses Jack"! Diane's fingers
shook as she read the note. Her heart soared. Diane was thrilled.
Love and > kisses...it meant a lot for a lady who had waited so
> long for those words. She was ecstatic.
> The day arrived, Diane waited anxiously for Jack.
> She had slipped into her best dress and did her best
> to look as pretty as she could. She looked around
> but Jack was nowhere in sight. She waited and
> waited, wondering what she would say to Jack when he
> got there, what their meeting would be like. Would
> there be love in his eyes? Would there be longing
> bred from years of separation and hiding each
> others' feelings?
>
>
> Oh how she longed to see him! How she longed to
> throw her arms around him and tell him she was a
> fool to ever let him go without ever telling him how
> she felt. She was certain Jack felt it too. There
> was always a certain magic
> about them when they were together.
> Then...a lady in a sexy tight blue dress approached
> her. She had a very concerned look on her face, "Hi!
> I'm Lyn, a friend of Jack. Are you Diane?" she asked.
> Diane just nodded her head."I'm afraid I .. I have bad news
for you...Jack is not coming...he won't be coming back anymore," said the
lady, placing a hand on Diane's shoulder. Diane shook her head in
confusion. She felt her heart constrict. What could possibly have
happened?? Diane felt an overwhelming fear inside her. Her hands
turned cold. Her voice shook as she asked: "Where ---- > where's Jack?
What happened to him??? Please tell me..." Diane begged the lady...
>
> The lady looked intently at Diane...and then
> .....she gave Diane a nudge on the shoulder and said,
>
> "HOY GAGA...IT'S ME...JACK... JACKILYN!!!!!!
> DI MO BA AKO NAKILALA?!!! ANG GANDA KO NGAYON, DI
> BAAAAH?!!!!
>
>>
> Life is too short! Ride 'em hard!

Rattlesnake

March 25th, 2003, 09:42 PM

:lol: its been a lone time... i hope this is still the same planet

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me?"

"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex with my wife, the first time I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."

After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then asked: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?

"Oh that crazy old fart!" she replied. "That's because the first time is usually around July and the second time is usually in December!"

Rattlesnake

March 28th, 2003, 04:03 AM

Missing Rooster

An Irish Priest has a hen coop with a number of hens and one
rooster.

One Saturday he goes into the coop to get some eggs, and can't
find the rooster. This bothers him because he believes that
some people engage in cock fighting in the parish. The priest figures he can find the culprit at mass the next day.

On Sunday, he gets up in the pulpit and says, "all of you who
have a cock, stand up"! ALL THE MEN IN THE CHURCH STOOD UP.

"No, no!" says the priest, "I mean all of you who have seen a
cock, please stand up". ALL THE WOMEN IN THE CHURCH STOOD UP.
"No, no!", says the priest. "I mean, all of you who have seen a
cock that doesn't belong to you, stand up". HALF OF THE WOMEN IN THE CHURCH STAND UP.

"No! You still don't understand. All of you who have seen my cock, stand up". ALL OF THE NUNS, HALF THE ALTAR BOYS, AND ONE GOAT STOOD UP.
Missing Rooster

dong1967

March 29th, 2003, 03:19 AM

girls reaction to penis sizes:

9 inch: oh its painful!

7 inch: oh yes youre ok!

6 inch: ohhh perfect!

4 inch: push it more!

3 inch: is it in?

2 inch: idiot! use youre tongue!

dong1967

March 29th, 2003, 03:26 AM

ofw husband: luv, kumusta na padala kong pera at mga bata?

wife: asenso na ating kubo; mansion na. ang eatery; restaurant na. ang ating dalawang anak; apat na!

dong1967

Rattlesnake

April 24th, 2003, 11:15 PM

This is true to all of us....Paminsan minsan,nakakakuha tayo ng liham na akapagpapaalala sa atin sa kahapong nagdaan... TANDANG TANDA NAMIN NI KUYA ANG SAYA AT LUMBAY SA PODER NILA INAY AT ITAY...LALO NA ANG MGA MAGAGANDANG LESSONS NA NATUTUNAN NAMIN SA KANILA!
1. Si Inay, tinuruan niya ako ng HOW TO APPRECIATE A
JOB WELL DONE. "Kung kayong dalawa ay magpapatayan, doon kayo sa labas. Mga punyeta kayo, kalilinis ko lang ng bahay."
2. Natuto ako ng RELIGION kay Itay. "Kapag yang mantsa di natanggal sa carpet, magdasal ka na!"
3. Si Itay, tinuruan niya kami ni Kuya kung anong ibig sabihin ng TIME TRAVEL. "Kung di kayo tumigil ng pagngangawa diyan, tatadyakan ko kayo ng todo hanggang umabot kayo sa isang linggo!"
4. Kay Inay ako natuto ng LOGIC. "Kaya ganyan, dahil sinabi ko."
5. Kay Inay din ako natuto ng MORE LOGIC.
"Kapag ikaw ay nalaglag diyan sa bubong, ako lang magisa ang manonood ng sine."
6. Kay Itay naman natuto ng FORESIGHT si Kuya. "Siguraduhin mo na lagi kang mag susuot ng malinis na brief, para pag nakascore ka sa syota mo e di kahiyahiya."
7. Si Inay naman ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang
ibig sahibin ng IRONY. "Sige ngumalngal ka, kung di bibigyan talaga kita ng iiyakan mo!"
8. Kay Inay ako natuto ng science of OSMOSIS. "Punyeta, itigil mo ang kadadakdak at tapusin mong kainin ang inihanda kong hapunan para sa iyo."
9. Si Inay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang
CONTORTIONISM. "Tignan mo nga yan dumi sa likod ng leeg mo, tignan mo?!?"
10. Si Itay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung anong ibig
sabihin ng STAMINA. "Wag kang tatayo diyan hangga't di mo natatapos kainin lahat yan gulay mo!"

Rattlesnake

April 24th, 2003, 11:19 PM

tuloy----
12. Si Inay naman ang nagpaliwanag sa amin kung anong
ibig sabihin ng ENVY. "Maraming mga batang ulila sa magulang, di ba kayo nagpapasalamat at mayroon kayong magulang na tulad
namin?."
13. Si Itay naman ang nagturo sa akin ng ANTICIPATION.
"Tangna kang bata ka, hintayin mong makarating tayo sa
bahay...."!
14. Si Inay naman ang nagturo sa aking kung ano ang
HUMOR. "Kapag naputol yang mga paa mo ng pinaglalaruan mong lawn mover, wag na wag kang tatakbo sa akin at
lulumpohin kita!"
15. Kay Itay naman natuto si Kuya ng HOW TO BECOME AN
ADULT. "Kung di ka matutong magbati, eh di ka nga tatangkad."
16. Kay Inay din ako natuto ng WISDOM. "Pag umabot ka na ng edad ko, saka mo pa lang maiintindihan ang lahat."
17. At ang paborito ko sa lahat na natutunan ko kay Inay at Itay ay kung ano ang JUSTICE. "Isang araw magkakaroon ka rin ng anak, panalangin namin na sana'y matulad sila sa yo... aliparot!"

sawala

April 25th, 2003, 07:11 AM

At buong akala ko ay tungkol sa sabong lang ako maraming matututuhan kay Ka Rattler, pati pala sa mga alam ko na ngayon sa buhay ay madiskubre ko pa rin ang pinanggalingan! Salamat po Ka Rattler he he he!

sawala

Rattlesnake

May 3rd, 2003, 02:42 AM

tink yo sawala (dehadista) for da commenta! ito is pa!

Subject: group therapy

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young
mothers and their small children...

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating.
You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turns to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers. "Come on, Dick, we're leaving.":crazy:

astro

May 10th, 2003, 06:01 PM

Astro is back after many lonely nights.

Jimbo, okay ngarod ang mga jokes mo. dong thats perfect....

Mga kasama learn kayo ng mga bagong o luma na tagalog vocabulary......

MGA TROPA! WISH KO LANG MAKA-RELATE KAYO D2!!! hehehehe....

> > TAGALOG WORDS YOU SHOULD KNOW
> > 1. BAKTOL--- ang ikatlong lebel ng mabahong amoy sa
> > kili-kili. ang baktol ay kapareho ng amoy ng nabubulok na bayabas.
ito'y

> > dumidikit sa damit,at humahalo sa pawis. madalas na naaamoy tuwing
> > registration, sa elevator o
> > "Put@#$%, sinong nangangamoy BAKTOL sa inyo????!!!
> > >
> > 2. KUKURIKAPU--- libag sa ilalim ng boobs. madalas na
> > namumuo dahil labis na baby powder na inilalagay sa katawan. maaari
> > ding mamuo kung hindi talaga naliligo o naghihilod ang isang babae.
> > ang KUKURIKAPU ay mas madalas mamuo sa mga babaeng malalaki ang
joga.
> > >
> > >"Honey, maligo ka na para maalis yang KUKURIKAPU mo...
> > >
> > 3. MULMUL--- buhok sa gitna ng isang nunal. mahirap
> > ipaliwanag kung bakit nagkakaroon ng MULMUL ang isang nunal.
subalit

> > hindi talaga ito naaalis, kahit na bunutin pa ito, maliban na
lamang
kung
> > ipapa-laser
> > ito.
> > >
> > >"How nice naman your MULMUL! Nakakakiliti
> > >
> > 4. BURNIK--- taeng sumabit sa buhok sa pwet. madalas
> > nararanasan ng mga taong nagti-tissue lamang pagkatapos tumae. ang
> > BURNIK ay mahirap alisin, lalo na kapag natuyo na ito. ipinapayo sa
mga
> > may BURNIK na maligo na lamang upang ito'y maalis.
> > >
> > "Labs, alam ko kung anong kinain mo kanina!!!
> > >
> > 5. ALPOMBRA--- kasuotan sa paa na kadalasang
> > makikitang suot ng mga tindero ng yosi sa quiapo. ito'y may makipot
na
> > suotan ng paa, at manipis na swelas. mistulang sandalyas ito ng
babae
> > pero kadalasang suot ng mga lalaki. available in blue, red, green,
etc.
> > >
> > 6. BAKOKANG--- higanteng peklat. ito'y madalas na
> > dulot ng mga sugat na malaki na hindi ginamitan ng sebo de macho
habang
> > natutuyo. imbes na normal na balat ang nakatakip sa bakokang, ito'y
> > mayroong makintab na takip.
> > >
> > 7. AGIHAP--- libag na dumikit sa panty o brief. nabubuo ang AGIHAP
> > kung ang panty o brief ay suotsuot na nang hindi bumababa sa
tatlong

> > araw.
> > >
> > 8. DUKIT--- ito ang amoy na nakukuha kung isinabit mo
> > ang daliri mo sa iyong puwit o sa puwit ng iba....try it to prove
> > it thats DUKIT.
> > >
> > 9. SPONGKLONG - ito'y isang bagong wika an
> > nangangahulugan sa isang estupidong tao.
> > >
> > Ex. "Buti naman at bumaba na sa puwesto ang spongklong
> > nating Presidente."
> > >
> > >10.LAPONGGA - ito'y kahintulad sa laplapan o kaya sa
> > lamasan
> > >
> > Ex. "Hoy Utoy, bakit ba ang hilig mo sa mga sineng
> > puro lapongga lang ang palabas?"
> > >
> > 11.WENEKLEK - ito ang buhok sa utong na kadalasang
> > nakikita sa mga tambay sa kanto na laging nakahubad. Meron din ang
> > babae nito.
> > Ex. "Inay! Si Itay, sinaksak yung kapitbahay natin
> > kasi hinila yung weneklek niya!"
> > >
> > 12.BAKTUNG - pinaikling salita ng BAKAT-UTONG.
> > >
> > Ex. "Uy Jefferson, tingnan mo si Ma'am, baktung na
> > naman!"
> > 13.BAKTI --- bakat panty
> > >
> > 14.ASOGUE --- buhok sa kilikili
> > >
> > 15.BARNAKOL --- maitim na libag sa batok na naipon sa
> > matagal na panahon
> > >
> > 16.BULTOKACHI - tubig na tumatalsik sa pwet kapag
> > nalalaglag ang isang malaking ebak
> > >
> > 17.BUTUYTUY - etits ng bata
> > >
> > 18.JABARR - pawis ng katawan
> > >
> > 19.KALAMANTUTAY - mabahong pangalan
> > >
> > 20.McARTHUR - taeng bumabalik after mong i-flush

Kidd Sentencia

May 14th, 2003, 12:14 AM

Further research into the beginning of SARS has led to interesting
discoveries that it was actually discovered in the Philippines long time ago. It was then known by a simpler name, SAR or A-SAR. Just like SARS, it
spread very rapidly through face-to-face personal contacts.
ASAR - a carrier person who may infect others.
ASAR NA ASAR - the most deadliest form of SARS
ASAR TALAGA - a person who is very contagious; very dangerous to approach; needs attention by healthy persons only.
NANG-A-A-SAR - a person who is maliciously spreading the disease.
NAASAR - a person who is infected with the disease.
NAGKA-ASARAN - the process of transmitting the disease to others.
PANG-ASAR - Any medium of spreading the disease.
NAASAR TALAGA - A person in very serious condition; needs quarantine; could be fatal.
ASARAN NA - when a group ! or community is already infected.
NAPIKON - a victim of ASAR who is beyond recovery; should not be touched by anybody, not even friends or relatives.

edwin

May 14th, 2003, 05:14 PM

I think this is a good joke and pasensiya na lang at may kaberdehan ng kaunti.

Anong ang pagkakaiba ng romansa sa magandang babae at pangit na babae?
Ang magandang babae habang hinahalikan ay nilalamas ang suso at ang pangit na babae naman ay habang hinahalikan ang suso ay nilalamas ang mukha. :lol:

:hombre:

dong1967

May 23rd, 2003, 03:55 AM

eto text ng friend kong nurse ( babae of course )

ang ilonggo suplado pero guapo......maldito pero romantiko....

tambok pero dako b_to.......gamay dila pero paspas magdilap....

dako tiyan pero pirmi otgan......te ilonggo ka man?

RC_amoyong

May 25th, 2003, 07:18 AM

A businessman meets a beautiful girl and spends the afternoon with her
for $1,000.

Before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him,
but that he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her,
calling the payment " RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office he regrets what he has done that afternoon.
Realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he request
his secretary to send a check for $500 and encloses the following typed
note:

Dear Madam,
Enclosed please find check in the amount of $500 for the rent of your
apartment. I am not sending the amount as agreed upon, because when I
rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:

1) it had never been occupied;

2) that there was plenty of heat;

3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and at home. However, I
found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any
heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for
$500 with the following note:

Dear Sir:
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment
to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat,
there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the
space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have
enough furniture to fill it in, please do not blame the landlady.

Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present
landlord.

Thanks for your immediate attention on this matter.

Kidd Sentencia

June 2nd, 2003, 06:00 PM

...

Kidd Sentencia

June 5th, 2003, 01:43 AM

Mga pare, etong si BB eh nakakatawa pala pag kakuwentuhan mo. Kung nagbabayad ng long distance siguro eh mahaba pa sa diyaryo ang bill nito, heheheh.

Magiging CF ito mga pare, etong mga sampol na kuwento nya.

Marami daw nagtatanong kung bakit nananalo manok nila...ano daw ang sikreto. Ang sagot eh wala, normal lang pakain...then last day before the fight, pinapakain ng sili...yes, sili...hehehe. Para daw kumagat na ang anghang pag niluto.

Sabi sa akin ang tatay niya eh 13 years old pa lang...leap year kasi pinanganak :lol:

marami pa...abangan nyo.

hehehe,

Kidd

Sundowner

June 5th, 2003, 05:38 AM

An atheist is swimming in the ocean. All of a sudden he sees a shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat. As he looks back, he sees the shark turn and head towards him.

His boat is a ways off, and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death. Turning, he sees the jaws of the great white beast open, revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor; the atheist screams, "Oh, God! Save me!"

In an instant, time is frozen, and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"

Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie, the man replies, "Well, that's true; I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"
The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracts back into the Heavens, and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.

As the atheist looks back, he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him. All of sudden, the shark stops and pulls back. Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you, Lord, for this food which I am about to receive..."

Soseng

June 6th, 2003, 05:02 AM

Few months ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday," I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. The daughter will remember."

The daughter came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Sandra said, "Good Morning Boss, Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better, someone had remembered.

I worked until noon. Then, Sandra knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go. We went out into Whitefield to a little private place. We had two beers an enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a
beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my place. I live alone "

After arriving at her place she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and get into something more comfortable ."Sure," I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, daughter , and some of our friends. All were singing "Happy Birthday...
and there on the sofa I sat ........... naked

ngek! hehehe

astro

June 8th, 2003, 01:26 PM

Nice Post mga kasama,

How about this story ni Galo.......

WARNING If you are wearing those surgical masks... read on... ONE DAY at TAN TOCK SENG HOSPITAL - Center for Communicable Disease

This story was told by a nurse...and she swears this really happened on her ward. The funny side of SARS.... hehehe A man suspected of SARs is lying in bed with an mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands. "Nurse," hemumbles from behind the mask,"Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed theyoung nurse replies, "I don't know Mr ******, I'm only here to wash your face and hands. He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?" Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands."

The Head Nurse was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught soshe marched over to inquire what was wrong. "Nurse," he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?" Being a nurse of long-standing, the Head Nurse was undaunted. She whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his penis out of the way, had a right good look, pulled up the pajamas, replacedthe bedclothes and announced, "Nothing wrong with your testicles!!!" At this the man pulled off his mask and asked again, "I SAID!!!!!: Are my test results back???!!!...hehehe

astro

June 15th, 2003, 11:42 AM

Hello Guys, tawa muna tayo, huwag masyadong dibdibin ang CF voting kung sino ang mananalo. May the best CF Broodcock and Battlecocks wins.Hehehe....

In relation to our voting, laughter can be derived on it in some way.. What is DNA? in scientific meaning it can be defined by Pre CF Pinolim who has a good chance to be one of the next Battlecock, I will vote for him anyway... hehehe. However, in CF Funny ways DNA can be defined or can be used on the following sentences or

You can now identify anybody through his/her DNA.

Prosti: DNA-virgin
Old maid: DNA-gamit
Bachelor: DNA-kasal
Arabo: DNA-ahit
Bombay: DNA-naligo
Bin Ladin: DNA-mahuli

KIDD: DNA-lumaki, palagi na lang Kid, pero galing na Broodcock, kaya RE-ELECT KIDD for second term as Broodcock. hehehehe.

However, Astro want to be a Battlecock pero DNA man boto ng mga kasama. Huh.huh..

Astro:lol:

dong1967

June 19th, 2003, 06:38 AM

kaibigan ko nagbakasyon sa SPAIN.....nagutom pumasok sa restaurant....eh walang alam na oorderin.....nakakita ng isang kustumer na kumakain......lumapit yung kaibigan ko nagtanong...

pinoy: sir what are u eating it seems that it is delicious?

kano: yeah it is indeed very delicious.

pinoy: whats the name of that food sir?

kano: actually this is the ORGAN of the dead bull; once the bull dies AFTER the BULL FIGHT against THE MATADOR then you can order this one.

pinoy: oh ....i see... thats why its BIG...waiter pls. can i reserved a food like this?

waiter: ok sir but you have to wait...because the bull fight still going on.

pinoy: ok..ill wait ..i dont mind waiting....

AFTER 1 HOUR OF WAITING.....

waiter:sir heres your food... you can eat now.

pinoy: ok uhhhmmm smells deliciouss.

AFTER EATING THE FOOD.

pinoy: waiter! how much is my bill?

waiter: heres your bill sir.

pinoy: ok heres the money... but can i ask you one question?

waiter: ok sir.

pinoy: why is it that my food is SMALLER and that one american guys food is BIGGER .

waiter: SIR SOMETIMES THE BULL WINS THE FIGHT...

dong1967

Soseng

June 19th, 2003, 05:42 PM

:lol: :lol:

dong1967

June 22nd, 2003, 07:33 PM

two student went inside the comfort room to pee. one from ateneo and one from la salle.... after peeing... the student from ateneo notice that the student from la salle didnt wash his hands...

ateneo student: hey dude! in ateneo we were told to wash our
hands after urinating.

la salle student : ohhh! ahh i see... but in la salle we were told
not to pee in our hands..:p :p

dong1967

dong1967

June 22nd, 2003, 07:51 PM

dismayado ang magkapatid na boy at totoy dahil di natuloy ang sabong.....pag uwi, nagtaka sila bakit sarado ang kanilang bahay....

boy ( sumisilip ) toy, tingnan mo sila tatay at nanay nagsasabong..

totoy: sige, kuya, pustahan tayo....

boy: kay tatay ako...

totoy: kay nanay ako...

matapos magtalik ang tatay at nanay...

boy: tingnan mo totoy, talo ka MALAKI ANG SUGAT NI NANAY..

totoy:teka lang kuya! hindi pa tapos! tingnan mo si TATAY LAWIT ANG BITUKA.....

dong 1967

virgilio f uy

June 22nd, 2003, 10:55 PM

:lol:

dong1967

June 25th, 2003, 09:25 PM

true incident.

a 70 yr. old "lolo" from the province was accompanied by a grandson to the US embassy in Manila for visa interview. the lolo spoke not a word of english so the apo translated for him.

consul: why you wanted to go to STATES?

grandson: bakit daw ho gusto nyong pumunta ng America?

lolo: sabihin mo gusto kong makita mga anak ko doon.

grandson: he said he wants to see his children there.

consul: ask him; why does he have to go to States? why cant his children just come and visit him here?

the grandson tranlated this in tagalog to his lolo.

lolo: sabihin mo dito na pinanganak yung mga anak ko.nakita na nila Pilipinas. gusto kong makita ang Amerika bago ako mamatay.

the grandson tranlated this to the consul....

the consul was unimpressed as rejected the Visa application because the applicant spoke no word of english.

grandson: reject daw yung application nyo lo, dahil di daw kayo marunong mag INGLES.

Lolo was mad and upset....

lolo: sabihin mo eto sa kanya at wag mong papalitan ang sasabihin ko. PUTANG INA nya kamo! bakit sya nandito eh di naman sya marunong MAGTALOG!

grandson: You son of A bitch! how come you are here, you dont even spoke a single TAGALOG?

taken aback ...the consul relented and approves lolos VISA .

dong1967

GoodWings

June 26th, 2003, 07:22 PM

When Bill Clinton and Hillary Rodham first got married Bill said, "I am putting
a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it."

In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. However, on the
afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she
lifted the lid and peeked inside.

In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. She closed the box
and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she
was doubly curious as to why there even was such a box with such contents.

That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner. After dinner,
Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I am so
sorry. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box
under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But
now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?

Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to
know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in
the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."

Hillary was shocked, but said, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I am very
disappointed and saddened by your behavior. However, since you are addicted
to sex, I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad considering
your problem."

Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their
peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that
money in the box?"

Bill answered, "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them
to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."

edwin

June 26th, 2003, 07:25 PM

GW,
:lol: :lol:
Ouch,ouch, ouch!!!!!!

dong1967

June 26th, 2003, 08:05 PM

:lol: :D

Rattlesnake

June 27th, 2003, 02:20 AM

:lol: also

Torpas

June 27th, 2003, 06:36 AM

A breeder wanted to infuse new blood into his winged warriors do some shopping from the internet.
He found one and visited the farm. He liked what he saw and offered to buy one brood stag at 5,000 pesos plus free delivery.
The owner agreed. The breeder then paid the full amount.
A few days later the owner called and informed the breeder that the brood stag died.
The breeder asked for reimbursement.
The owner said he can't because he already spent the money.
After a few minutes of deliberation, the breeder said deliver it anyway.
A few months has lapsed after the delivery of the dead fowl, the owner was cureous what has happened on the transaction so he called the breeder and inquire what he did to the dead fowl.
The breeder replied that he sold tickets for 50 pesos and raffled it to 250 participants.
The owner asked if nobody complained.
The breeder replied that only one, the winner and I reimbursed his 50 pesos ticket. he he he..

Rattlesnake

June 27th, 2003, 09:53 PM

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence....
Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The day passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, when you say or promise something and not doing it, it will cause a lot of heartaches, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.” A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are a very rare jewel indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us.”

Edong

July 4th, 2003, 09:21 AM

Virus warning:
There is a new virus called "work". If you receive "work" from
your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail or any one else, do not
touch it under any circumstances.

This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, put on your jacket and take two good friends and go straight to the nearest pub. Order three drinks and after repeating 4 times, you will find that "work" has been completely deleted from your brain.

Forward this virus warning immediately to at least 5 friends. Should you realise that you do not have 5 friends,this means
that you are already infected by this virus and "work" already controls your whole life. Please quarantine yourself at home for 14 days, avoiding all contact with people and 'work' until the virus has run it's course.

batambata

July 28th, 2003, 04:55 PM

:innocent:

Isang bulag ang pumasok sa isang maliit na restaurant.
Sinalubong siya ng waiter at wala sa isip na nagbigay ng menu.
"Hindi mo ba napansing bulag ako?
Bigyan mo na lang ako ng mga gamit na tinidor at nang malaman ko kung
ano ang kakainin ko!", bulyaw ng bulag.

Hindi na nagtanong ang nalilitong waiter at kumuha ng dalawang
tinidor na hindi pa hugas at binigay sa bulag.
Inamoy ng bulag ang una.
"Fried chicken! Hindi ako kumakain ng fried chicken", sabi ng bulag
pagkaamoy ng unang tinidor.
At inamoy naman ang ikalawang tinidor.
"Eto, meatloaf, bigyan mo ako niyan".

Namangha ang waiter at dumiretso ito sa kusina para kausapin ang
cook na si Rosario.
"Ang galing noong bulag, oh, amoy pa lang alam na niya ang oorderin
niya.
Magluto ka nga ng meatloaf", kuwento ng waiter kay Rosario.

Nagluto si Rosario ng meatloaf at ibinigay sa bulag.
Nasarapan ang customer kaya nagbigay ito ng malaking tip.

Kinabukasan, bumalik ang bulag at nagbigay na naman ng dalawang
tinidor ang waiter para ipaamoy rito.
"Ito, gusto ko ng porkchop", sabi ng bulag pagkaamoy pa lang ng
unang tinidor.

Sa ikatlong araw, umamoy na naman ang bulag ng dalawang tinidor.
"Hindi ako kumakain ng hamburger.
Ito namang isa, meatloaf ulit. Wala na bang bago?", reklamo ng
bulag.

"Teka lang ho", sabi ng waiter sabay labas.
Kumuha ng malinis na tinidor ang waiter at pinahid sa loob ng panty
ni Rosario para paglaruan ang customer.

"Subukan n'yo po ito", sabi ng waiter na iniabot ang tinidor na
pinunas sa panty ni Rosario.

"Aba!", gulat na sabi ng bulag.
"Dito na ba nagtratrabaho si Rosario?"

magic

July 28th, 2003, 10:27 PM

Mahal kong Lt. SG Antonio Trillanes IV,

Magandang umaga. Nawa'y maigi ang iyong kalagayan d'yan sa stockade. Magpahinga ka muna bago ka humarap sa court martial. Hindi bale nang litisin ka, nakapag-stay sa naman sa Oakwood, samantalang kami, pinaasa mong walang pasok ngayon. KJ ka talaga.

Sinulat ko ang liham na ito para puriin ka sa iyong kagitingan na ipaalam sa buong sambayanang Pilipino ang kabulukang nangyayari sa ating gobyerno. Mabuhay ka.

Ang problema nga lang, alam na namin lahat iyon, Kapitan Trillanes.

Hindi na ninyo kailangan pang magtanim ng bomba at magpapogi sa inyong mga fatigues para lang ipaalam sa buong madla na may mga katiwalian sa gobyerno.

Hindi tuloy ako nakapanood ng Terminator 3, eh malapit nang mawala sa sine 'yon. Okay sana kung nagbakbakan kayo ng mga sundalo ng gobyerno. Mala-THE ROCK saka DIE HARD sana ang nangyari. Kaso, nagsisisigaw lamang kayo sa lobby ng Oakwood. Para ano pa ang inyong mga armband?

Sabagay pwede na kayong magtayo ng boutique na ang brand name ay Magdalo. Pwde kayong magtinda ng mga armbands, fatigue-inspired pants, caps at shades. Ipwesto nyo dyan sa Oakwood para strategic ang location at may sentimental value pa. Bebenta kayo, promise.

Sa launch ng inyong boutique, pwede kayong maglagay ng mga bomba sa parking lot tapos magpaparty kayo doon. Masaya di ba?

Mabalik tayo sa layunin ng liham na ito. Yung sinasabi mong nagbebenta si Secretary Reyes ng bala sa mga rebelde, aba, lumang balita na 'yan. Alam na naming mga ordinaryong tao yan. Bakit?

Kaugalian na nating mga Pilipino ang mag-sideline di ba? Sa opisina nga namin may nagtitinda ng tsinelas, beads, tocino, tapa, muffins saka bags.

Eh hayaan mo nang magbenta si Secretary Reyes ng bala sa kanila, baka gawang Taiwan lang naman yung mga bala na 'yon. Mahirap buhay eh, magkano lang naman sweldo ni Secretary Reyes. Malamang lumilihis yung mga bala o kaya puro supot.

Yun namang sinasabi mong si GMA ang nag-utos ng pambobomba sa Davao, alam na rin naming mga Pilipino 'yon. Kaw naman, Kapitan Trillanes, sa pagka-tsismoso nating mga Pilipino, sino ba naman hindi nakakaalam na gobyerno gumagawa ng mga kalokohang 'yon?

Plaza Miranda, Jabidah Massacre, pagpatay kay Ninoy, Rizal Day bombings, at kung anu-ano pang kababalaghan, alam na naming gobyerno gumagawa. Hindi naman kami istupido noh! Sabi nga ng mga taga-Assumption, "We're not like tanga naman..."

Ang drama-drama mo masyado, eh kami namang mga ordinaryong tao tinatawanan na lang mga katiwalian sa gobyerno. May linya ka pang "we're ready to die for our principles."

Huuu...if I know, gusto mo lang magpa-spa sa Oakwood kasi sira na ang iyong kutis dahil sa kagat ng lamok sa Basilan. Dapat sinabi mo na lang sa akin, may murang spa dyan sa Quezon Avenue, may "extra" pa.

Ayan tuloy, nagsara Glorietta ng isang isang araw. Lagot ka, milyon nalugi sa mga Ayala. Baka pabayaran lahat sa 'yo yan. At saka naman Kapitan Trillanes, next time kayo magta-take over ng anumang lugar, 'wag naman sa mall. Hindi bagay sa inyong mga fatigues and armbands. Sino ba scriptwriter ninyo? Tsugiin! Mali ang location ng action! Ni walang symbolic o strategic meaning ang Oakwood.

Hindi kayo nanood ng THE ROCK ano?

Hay nako, may pasok tuloy ngayon. Nabitin kami. Pogi points ka pa sa mga girls kasi ang guapo mo sa fatigue. Yun nga lang, you didn't die for your principles. May paiyak-iyak and hug pa kayo.

Kaya kayo tinatawanan ng Abu Sayyaf, malalambot ang puso ninyo, madrama kayo masyado. Ganyan ba kayo sa Basilan? 'Pag rat-ratan na, nagyayakapan na lang kayo at umiiyak? God, it's so nakakahiya naman to the enemy.

Hay nako, Kapitan Trillanes, mag-direct ka na lang ng pelikula ha? Tingin ko mas magaling ka pa kay Ang Lee kasi militar ka talaga. Maganda yung mga subplots na naisip mo. Maganda rin yung mga dialogue mo.

'Pag nag-direct ka na ng movie, make sure may bakbakang matindi sa huli. Yung tipong mawawarak yung buong building. Yun, mas exciting, hindi yung katulad kahapon.

Nagmamahal,

Ang iyong tagahanga

magic

July 28th, 2003, 10:36 PM

There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight
and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing.
He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?

A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down. :lol:

batambata

August 1st, 2003, 10:38 AM

Sa aking mga kababayan:

Ako'y natutuwa sa inyong pagdamay sa akin, sampu ng aking mga kasamahan
sa military. Nakakatuwa ang mga pangyayari nitong nagdaang Linggo, at sana
naman ay naging unique naman ang inyong panoorin. Nakakasawa din naman
ang SOP at ASAP. Tingnan nyo naman at pareho silang replay.

Ang tanging hiling ko lang sana ay magkaroon kami ng drama anthology na
pagbibidahan namin ni Jolina at Judy-Ann. Pareho ko kasi silang crush.
Sana naman ay mayroong magkainteres na director sa aking acting ability.
Wala pa akong formal acting workshop niyan ha!

Kung di man ako magkaroon ng showbiz career, puede ko rin namang
ipagpapatuloy ang aking nasimulan sa aking thesis. Sa totoo lang, mayroon
pa akong 100 na thesis na gusto sanang ipagbili sa Recto. Dahil meron na
rin naman akong media mileage, palagay ko naman ay mataas na sa
singkuwenta pesos ang bentahan ngayon ng mga thesis ko, di ba?

Nais kong ipahatid ang aking katuwaan at kaligayahan sa mga suhestiyon
niyo tungkol sa pagnenegosyo. Matagal ko na talagang iniisip ang fashion
designing bilang career. Wala pa kasing militar na naging fashion
consultant. Puede na ba ang "Magdalo's Fashion and Beauty Center?"
Sana naman ay mabigyan nila ako ng business space diyan sa Rustan's
para naman malapit-lapit din sa Oakwood-nagkaroon na kasi ng
sentimental effect ang lugar na yan para sa akin.

Sa aking mga kapatid sa military, inaanyayahan ko kayo na magsimula na
ring mag-isip ng inyong mga gimik. Marami pa akong thesis na naisulat ----
coup de' etat sa Enchanted Kingdom, military take over sa Music Museum
o kaya nama'y pag-aaklas sa Splash Island. Siguraduhin niyo lang na pag
dating ng 5:00pm ay handa na kayong magsisigaw ng "Joke! Joke! Joke!"

Muli ay nagpapasalamat ako sa inyong pagsubaybay sa aking military, at
marahil, sa aking movie career. Aasahan ko ang inyong pagsuporta.

Umaasa,

Lt. SG Antonio Trillanes IV :sprcool:

king_ed

August 2nd, 2003, 12:12 AM

KAKAIBANG KUWENTO ! ( corny, but....puwede na rin)

Isang bulag ang pumasok sa isang maliit na restaurant. Sinalubong siya ng waiter at wala sa isip na nagbigay ng menu. "Hindi mo ba napansing bulag ako? Bigyan mo na lang ako ng mga gamit na tinidor at nang malaman ko kung ano ang
kakainin ko!", bulyaw ng bulag. Hindi na nagtanong ang nalilitong waiter at kumuha ng dalawang tinidor na hindi pa hugas at binigay sa bulag. Inamoy ng bulag ang una.
"Fried chicken! Hindi ako kumakain ng fried chicken", sabi ng bulag pagkaamoy ng unang tinidor. At inamoy naman ang ikalawang tinidor."Eto, meatloaf, bigyan mo ako niyan". Namangha ang waiter at dumiretso ito sa kusina para kausapin
ang cook na si Rosario. "Ang galing noong bulag, oh, amoy pa lang alam na niya ang oorderin niya.

Magluto ka nga ng meatloaf", kuwento ng waiter kay Rosario. Nagluto si Rosario ng meatloaf at ibinigay sa bulag. Nasarapan ang customer kaya nagbigay ito ng malaking tip.

Kinabukasan, bumalik ang bulag at nagbigay na naman ng dalawang tinidor ang waiter para ipaamoy rito. "Ito, gusto ko ng porkchop", sabi ng bulag pagkaamoy pa lang ng unang tinidor.

Sa ikatlong araw, umamoy na naman ang bulag ng dalawang tinidor. "Hindi ako kumakain ng hamburger. Ito namang isa, meatloaf ulit. Wala na bang bago?", reklamo ng bulag. "Teka lang ho", sabi ng waiter sabay labas. Kumuha ng malinis
na tinidor ang waiter at pinahid sa loob ng panty ni Rosario para paglaruan ang customer. Subukan n'yo po ito", sabi ng waiter na iniabot ang tinidor na pinunas sa panty ni Rosario.

"Aba!", gulat na sabi ng bulag. "Dito na ba nagtratrabaho si Rosario? "

batambata

August 4th, 2003, 12:26 PM

A 54 year old wrinkled face, fat and brown skin woman was praying to God
one sunday afternoon in a Cathedral in Manila..
"Dear God, I am a good servant of Yours, all my life I have been
Your follower and I obeyed your commandments. I just started to enjoy
life and all your creation and with your Kind Heart and Almighty Power
I wish for you to give me at least another 54 more years of life."
And to cut this story short, her wish was granted.. And so she went into
a skin and hair expert clinic to make her wrinkled face renewed, bleached
her skin, had lyposuction, dyed and waxed her hair..
she now looks younger and sexy.
When she got out of the clinic, crossed the street, she got hit by a truck
and died instantly.
... Heaven,in front of God..
"God, I have asked you for another 54 years and still I died. Why?"
"My child, you look younger and a lot different I didn't recognized it was you."

Kidd Sentencia

August 11th, 2003, 09:57 PM

Ancient Chinese Torture

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

Kidd Sentencia

August 11th, 2003, 09:59 PM

12- Pack

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ''Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.''
The son then asks his father, ''What's the 6-pack for?''

The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.''

Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for.
The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for.....''

Maning

August 12th, 2003, 12:29 AM

:lol:

batambata

August 12th, 2003, 10:27 AM

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven,
God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting
on the seventh day.

He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly
pointed downwards
through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've
made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is
it?".

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on
it. I'm going to call
it
Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth.
"For example, northern
Europe will be a place of great opportunity and
wealth, but cold and harsh
while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny
and pleasant."

"I have made some lands abundant in water and other
lands parched deserts."

"This one will be extremely hot, while this one will
be very cold and
covered
in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed
to a group of islands
and said, "What's are those?"

"Ah," said God. "That's the Philippines, the most
glorious place on earth.
There are beautiful beaches, rivers, mountains and
forests. The people
from the Philippines are going to be handsome, modest,
intelligent and
humorous and they are going to be found traveling the
world. They will
be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving,
and they will be
known throughout the world as carriers of peace and
love."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then
proclaimed, "What about
balance, God? You said there would be balance."

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I
put in the government."

Kidd Sentencia

August 23rd, 2003, 08:51 PM

nakows, dadami ka-apelyido ko nito...hahaha!

http://www.inq7.net/brk/2003/aug/23/brkpol_1-1.htm

:lol:

banderado84

August 23rd, 2003, 09:18 PM

dapat may batas din na ang botante sa luzon or certain region ay senador na tiga dun lang sa kanila ang iboboto...hindi yung tiga luson ang naghahalal ng senador sa mindanao:confused:

talk about equal representation huh....tagal na niyan :D

banderado84

August 23rd, 2003, 09:21 PM

mali....super laff-in pala to heheh...di bale na heheh:hippie:

astro

August 24th, 2003, 12:13 PM

FRUSTRATED NA PINOY...

buti pa ang paranaque...may BF
buti pa ang poultry...may chicks
buti pa ang pusa...may nag-aalaga
buti pa ang bubuyog...may honey
buti pa ang geometry...may triangle
buti pa ang chemistry...may lab
buti pa ang nitso...may bulaklak
buti pa ang patay...may dumadalaw
buti pa ang alphabet...may U and I
buti pa ang basketball...may ring
buti pa ang kalendaryo...may date
buti pa ang hershey's...may kisses
buti pa ang probability...may chance
buti pa ang manok...nakatali
buti pa ang unan...niyayakap sa gabi
buti pa ang salamin...minamasdan
buti pa ang hininga...hinahabol
buti pa ang tindera...nagpapatawad
buti pa ang tapsilog...pinagsasama
buti pa ang lungs...malapit sa puso
buti pa ang bra...kakabit ng dibdib
buti pa ang panabong...hinihimas
buti pa ang lollipop...sinisipsip
buti pa ang cellphone...pinipindot
buti pa sa Pinas .....sarap buhay??? pasabong, sabong na lang.

hoy bata ka, paktay ka talaga......

buti pa...magtrabaho ka na at baka masisante ka pa!

hehehehe, hahahaha....

Soseng

August 30th, 2003, 06:09 AM

IT'S JOKE TIME.......

Lt. SG Trillanes and his group is sending his apologies to the Filipino people. Mali daw kasi text sa kanila ni Erap. Si GLORIA daw ang kunin, hindi GLORIETTA. Aaaay!
>
>
>
After EDSA 1, EDSA 2, and EDSA 3, July 27 will go down in history as GLORIETTA 4.
>
>
>
Dapat talaga tayong sumuporta sa naganap na coup dahil according to reliable sources, isa sa mga panuklala ng mga rebel soldiers sa National Recovery Program ay huwag tanggalin ang MeteorGarden.
>
>
>
Q: What is cou de etat in Japanese?

A: HU-NA-SAN

Q: What is coup d etat in Mexican?

A: GRINGO!

>
>
Dad: Mabait ba ang boyfriend mo?

Anak: Yes, Daddy.

Daddy: Maka-Diyos?

Anak: Sobra Dad.

Daddy: Nasaan siya?

Anak: Nandoon sa simbahan, nagmimisa!
>
>
>
Tay: Nawala na ang Inay mo, ngayon naman ikakasal ka na.

Anak: Tay! Sa kabilang kanto lang naman ang bahay namin!

Tay: Hay, salamat! Magkikita pa rin kami ng yaya mo.

>
>
Genie: Dahil pinalaya mo ako, may 3 wishes ka!

Man: Gawin mo akong rich, pero di bayad ng tax; powerful, pero di halata; notorious, pero wala sabit.

Genie: Mula ngayon ikaw na si PING LACSON.
>
>
>
Sgt: Boss, nakatakas si Al-Ghozi.

Ebdane: Huh! Did you seal all exits?

Sgt: Yes, sir!

Ebdane: Eh paano siya nakatakas?

Sgt: Doon po kasi siya lumabas sa entrance.
>
>
>
Two young priests discussing prospects of celibacy.

P1: Do you think Vaticanwill allow us to get married?

P2: Not in our generation, maybe our children!

>
A COW story:

Americahas COWboy and COWgirl.

Englandhas madCOW.

Chinahas MaCOW.

Russiahas MosCOW.

But the Philippines has the cutest COWs: iCOW at aCOW.
>
>
>
Vet: Sorry po, patay na aso nyo. Pinaliguan kasi ng anak nyo ng laundry soap.

Nanay: Anong masama sa sabon?

Vet: Di sya doon namatay, sa washing machine!
>
>
>
Guro: Ibigay ang kahalagahan ng PERIOD!

Pupil: Nang hindi dumating ang PERIOD ni Ate, hinimatay si Mommy, nastroke si Daddy, at nagbaril sa sarili yong pari namin!
>
>
>
Elderly man saw his son's Viagra and asked for one.

Son agreed and told him to make the most out of it cause its $10 each. The next day the son received $110. $10 from Dad ang $100 from mom!
>
>
>
Quote of the Century: "I voted Republican this year.

The Democrats left a bad taste in my mouth. - Monica Lewinsky
>
>
>
Sabi ng Pari: Wag magsex sa tubig, di ka naman isda.

Wag sa damuhan di ka naman hayop. Higit sa lahat, wag sa likod ng simbahan, di ka naman pari.
>
>
>
Pres. GMA visited Mental Hospital and talked to a patient.

GMA: Do you know me? I'm the President

Patient: Ah, don't worry, when I came here I used to say I am the
President, but we have good doctors, you'll be cured too!
>
>
>
A woman's monthly cycle cleanses the womb of impurities. Sex after the process is thus called . . . . . . . MATRIS RELOADED!!!!
>
>
>
What makes a happy man:

daughter is on the cover of Cosmo; son is on the cover of Sports
Illustrated; mistress is on the cover of Playboy; and wife is on the cover of Missing Persons
>
>
>
A lady visits her doctor again.

Doc: You looked more sick & exhausted than before.

Are you having three meals a day as I advised?

Lady: What? I thought you said three MALES a day!
>
>
>
Young childless wife asked for advice.

Pastor: Keep trying.

Iglesia: Try another doctor.

Born Again: Try special diet.

Rabbi: Try yoga.

Bishop: Let me try.
>
>
>
Jinggoy: Dad totoo bang may side effect ang Viagra?

Erap: Tanga, sa harap ang effect niyan hindi sa side.
>
>
>
A widow asked a lawyer about her late husband's will.

Lawyer: Your husband left 'all he had' to the Home for the Aged.

Widow: But what about me?

Lawyer: You're "ALL HE HAD." :rbounce:

AXTDP

August 30th, 2003, 03:35 PM

Crude but funny....

Minsan, umuwi ng maaga si Mister para sorpresahin ang kaniyang
kabiyak.
Dahan dahan siyang pumasok sa kanilang bahay at hinanap ang kaniyang Misis.
Nakita niya itong abala sa pagluluto at di namalayan na siya ay dumating.
Maingat siyang lumapit sabay takip sa mga mata ni Misis sabay sabing "NGES HU?"

Sabi naman ni Misis, " Lintek, nges- hu-nges- hu ka pa diyan,... ikaw lang naman ang ngongo dito!!!!!

king_ed

September 10th, 2003, 05:37 AM

A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization...

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"

"Well,"he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare.

"I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.

Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies.

So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out
without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

"After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

nagassat-nakon

September 10th, 2003, 02:07 PM

Husband and Wife........

Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife and carried her:

Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?

Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!

Husband: "Parati na lang tayo away! Maghiwalay na lang tayo!"

Wife: "Sige, maghati tayo ng mga anak!"

Husband: "Akin ang mga guwapo at maganda!"

Wife: "Sus! Pinili pa yung hindi kanya!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Husband: "Ang iniyakan ko lang naman eh bakit gumaganti ka ng

kady_t habang ginagahasa ka ng tulisan?!"

Wife: "Hay naku, Honey........SELF DEFENSE lang yung akin."

batambata

September 10th, 2003, 03:35 PM

There's this man who was in love with his pet duck,
and he took it to a movie with him one night.

The cashier said, "You can't bring that duck in here, mister."

So the man went around the corner and stuffed the duck
down the front of his trousers, bought a ticket and went
inside the theater.

The duck started getting restless, so the man opened up his
fly and let the duck's head out. Next to the man was a lady and
her husband.

She turned to her husband and said, "Honey, the
man next to me has his penis out",

the husband said, "Is he bothering you?"

"No",she said.

"Okay. Then forget it and enjoy the movie."

A few minutes later the wife nudged her husband
again.

"Honey - his penis..."

And her husband said, "I told you to ignore it."

she said, "I can't.."

the husband asked "Why?"

and she said, "It's eating my popcorn!"

batambata

September 13th, 2003, 11:35 AM

Tatay na Mayabang
Ako'y tunay na natutuwa sa aking panganay na lalaki. Nagtapos ng
Business Administration sa UP at mayroong MBA galing sa Harvard.
Ngayon, e Presidente siya ng isang malaking Corporasyon.
Sa yaman niya, e, binigyan niya ng isang Mercedes at isang BMW
yung isang kaibigan niya.

Tatay na Mayabang Rin
Ako'y galak na galak sa bunso kong lalaki. Nagtapos ng Medicina
sa UP-PGH at nag Residency sa Sloan Kettering. Ngayon, e Director
for Research siya at kandidato para sa Nobel Prize. Mayaman din siya.
Biro mo, yung isang kaibigan e binigyan niya ng apartment sa
5th Avenue sa Manhattan.

Tatay na Nahihiya
Ako'y medyo disappointed dito sa kaisaisa kong lalaki. Nangyari pa
e bakla at binabae. Hindi bale nang malandi, e kung sino-sino pang
lalaki ang mga kinkasama. Hairdresser siya pero mukha namang mahusay
makisama. Yung kaniyang BMW at Mercedes, at yung tinitirhan niyang
apartment sa 5th Avenue e bigay lahat ng mga "boypren" niya.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nakipagkita ang Diyos sa tatlong world leaders; kay Clinton, kay
Yeltsin at kay ERAP.

Wika ng Diyos sa kanila, kayong tatlo ay pwedeng maglahad sa akin
ng isang katanungan at tiyak na aking sasagutin.

First came Clinton: "God, when will the special prosecutor, Kenneth
Star, finish his investigation so that I can eventually clear my name."
And God immediately replied: "By the Year 2015."

And Clinton broke down and cried. Nagulat ang Diyos and asked: "Why
do you cry, my son?"
To which Clinton replied: "Because I will no longer be around when
that happens which means I will go down in history as the US President
who had a sex scandal ridden administration!" And Clinton faded away.

Second came Yeltzin: "God, when will the Russian economy finally take
off?" To which God replied: "By the Year 2020."

And Yeltzin broke down and cried. Nagulat ulit ang Diyos and asked:
"Why do you cry, my son?"
To which Yeltzin replied: "Because I will no longer be around when
that happens - so I will never see Russia's economy prosper and
stabilize." And Yeltzin faded away.

Finally came ERAP: "Diyos ko, ito lang naman ang tanong ko... When
do you think will I ever be accepted by the Filipino intellectuals
and society's elite and be considered by them as a competent leader?"

At which point, God broke down and cried... Biglang nagulat tuloy si
ERAP! Nagtatakang nagtanong si ERAP: "Diyos ko, bakit naman ikaw ang
umiiyak?" To which God answered: "Kasi, when that happens, I will no
longer be around..."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Sa bilibid prison, sampung taon nang hindi naliligo at nagpapalit ng
damit yung mga prisonero. Sa madaling sabi, sobra nang baho at
nagtututong at nagtitigkal ang libag, banil at kalimagmag sa kanilang
mga suot na damit.

Isang araw, biglang hinarap nung prison warden ang mga prisonero at
kaniyang i-nanannounce, "maryoon akong good news at bad news para sa
inyo."

"Ang good news - pagakatapos ng sampung taong walang paligo at walang
palitan ng damit, ngayong araw, magkakaroon kayong lahat ng palit ng
damit."

Palakpakan at naluha pa yung ibang prisonero sa galak.

"Ang bad news, ikaw ay makikipagpalit ng suot sa kanya, ikaw naman -
makipagpalit sa kaniya..."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Bagong salta sa Manhattan sa New York si Bertulfo at ang Misis niya
kaya nakitira muna sila sa ikalawang palapag ng bahay ng isang
kamaganak na kasalukuyang nagbabakasyon sa Pilipinas.

Ilang araw nang naghahanap ng trabaho si Bertulfo ngunit talagang
mahirap makakita ng trabaho nung kapanahunang iyon. Pagkaraan ng
ilang araw, napansin ni Bertulfo at ng Misis niya na naubos na ang
kanilang baong pera.

Kinaumagahan, pagkagising ni Bertulfo at Misis niya, alam nila na
wala silang agahan. Ibinulong ni Bertulfo sa Misis niya, "Wala na
tayong agahan. Magtalik na lang tayo upang makalimutan natin ang
ating kagutuman. Yun na lang ang ating agahan!" At nagtalik ang
magasawang si Bertulfo at and kaniyang Misis.

Umalis na si Bertulfo upang maghanap muli ng trabaho.

Katanghalian, bumalik sa bahay si Bertulfo. Wika niya sa Misis niya,
"Wala pa rin akong trabaho kaya wala pa rin tayong pera. Mabuti pa,
magtalik na lang muli tayo para makalimutan natin ang ating kagutuman.
Yun na lang ang ating pananghalian!" At nagtalik muli ang magasawang
si Bertulfo at ang kaniyang Misis.

Umalis muli si Bertulfo upang mahanap muli ng trabaho.

Kinagabihan, bumalik sa bahay si Bertulfo. Nakita ni Bertulfo na
umakyat ang Misis niya sa tuktok ng hagdanan. Pagkatapos, ay sumakay
sa gabay ng hagdanan at nagpadausos pababa ang Misis niya. Muling
umakyat sa tuktok ng hagdanan ang Misis niya at muling sumakay sa
gabay ng hagdanan at muling nagpadausos pababa ang Misis niya.
Makailang paulit-ulit na ginawa ito ng Misis ni Bertulfo. Hindi ni
Bertulfo maintindihan ang ginagawa ng Misis niya kaya napilitang
siyang magtanong sa kaniyang Misis, "Ano nga bang talaga ang
ginagawa mo?"

Sagot ng Misis ni Bertulfo, "Alam kong uuwi kang walang trabaho't
wala pa ring pera, kaya ini-init ko na itong ating hapunan..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------
An American flags down a cab at the arrival area of NAIA (is that
it's name still?) and asks to be brought to "Baltamesa Boulevard".
The cab driver looks at him momentarily and says, "Sir, yes sir!"

So the cab driver reaches Sta Mesa Boulevard and asks his American
passenger where he wishes to stop to which question, the American
replies: "This is not the place... Keep on driving..."

So the Filipino cabbie continues driving again and ends up at the
Luneta when suddenly the American shouts at the sight of a sign...
"We're here! We're here! There it is! Look at that sign!" And sure
enough, there was the sign... "BAWAL TUMAE SA BOULEVARD."

--------------------------------------------------------------

Edong

September 15th, 2003, 08:12 AM

A Chinese walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to Taiwan on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank.
He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese
for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An
employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Chinese replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
Ah, the mind of the Chinese...

TabukSuba

September 29th, 2003, 04:08 PM

http://www.geocities.com/bubut_gavino/bad_font.jpg

TabukSuba

September 29th, 2003, 04:13 PM

http://www.geocities.com/bubut_gavino/Fun_Pics/Fallsleepafter...jpg

Kidd Sentencia

October 3rd, 2003, 12:54 AM

NAKATUTUWA!

1. Tatlong madre nagpunta sa palengke?
Madre1: Magkano itong talong?
Tindera: Sampung piso ang apat na piraso.
Madre2: Paano yan sister, tatlo lang ang kailangan natin?
Madre3: Bilhin mo na sister, yung isa ulam na lang natin.

2. At a job interview?
Manager: Marunong ka bang mag-fax at mag-xerox?
Sexy applicant: Naku po, sir. Hindi pa ako na-xerox, pero
maraming beses na ako na-****s.

3. Pare1 : Ang tanga talaga ng kapitbahay ko.
Pare2 : Bakit p're?
Pare1 : Ang pagka-intindi niya sa LAWSUIT e uniporme ng pulis.
Pare2 : Ang tanga naman niya! Hindi ba suot ng abogado yun.

4. A wife wanted to scare her alcoholic husband. One night, he
comes home dead drunk, she dresses up as satan?
Husband: Shhino ka? (hik)
Wife: Si Satanas! Kukunin na kita!
Husband: Huwag mo akong takutin? Asawa ko ang kapatid mo!

5. Magkumare nag-chichikahan?
Mare1: Kinakausap mo ba ang mister mo habang nakikipag-sex ka?
Mare2: Hindi ah! Pinapatay ko ang celphone ko para di niya ako
matawagan.

6. Sexy woman nagkukumpisal sa simbahan?
Sexy: Those are all my sins, Father. I hope God will forgive me.
Priest: He does, my child. Pero ikwento mo nga uli yung tungkol sa
******* at 69?

7. Nagkita ang pari at madre sa isang seminar?
Pari: Ano ang apelyido mo, Sister?
Madre: Hulaan mo, hinahawakan mo gabi-gabi.
Pari: ****?
Madre: Susmaryosep! Rosario ang apelyido ko!

-

Edong

October 4th, 2003, 08:19 AM

When Kimi, Kiyo an Kida died of SARS, their mother was so depressed, cried so loud and said

Oh Kimi!!! Oh Kiyo!!! Oh Kida!!

And the neighbor said

Oh Kim met ah!!!!!

Kidd Sentencia

October 19th, 2003, 09:17 PM

One reason no sabong...heheheh

Soseng

October 29th, 2003, 05:54 AM

> > Have fun...
> >
> > In a classroom
> > --------------
> > Teacher: Sam, your composition on "My Dog" is
> exactly same as your
> > brother's. Did you copy his?
> > Sam: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
> > *****************
> > Teacher: How come you do not comb your hair?
> > Sam: No comb, sir.
> > Teacher: Use your dad's then.
> > Sam: No hair, sir.
> >
> > *****************
> > Teacher: What's the chemical formula for water?
> > Sam: "HIJKLMNO".
> > Teacher: What?!
> > Sam: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
> >
> > ******************
> > Teacher: Sam, give me a sentence starting with
> "I".
> > Sam: I is .....
> > Teacher: No, Sam, always say "I am ...."
> > Sam: Alright ... umm ... "I am the 9th letter of
> the 26 alphabets"
> >
> > ******************
> > Teacher: If I have 7 oranges in one hand and 8 on
> the other, what would I
> > have?
> > Class: Big Hands!!!!!!
> >
> > ******************
> > In Sam's house
> > ----------- ---
> > Father: Your teacher says she finds it's
> impossible to teach you anything!
> > Sam: That's why I say she's no good!
> >
> > ******************
> > Father: Sam, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go
> and say sorry to her.
> > Sam: (to the aunt) Aunt, I'm sorry you're stupid.
> > ******************
> > Sam: Mom, teacher was asking me today if I've any
> brothers or sisters who
> > will be coming to school.
> > Mom: That's nice of her to take such an interest,
> dear. So what did she
> > say
> > when you told her you're the only child, my dear?
> > Sam: She just said ... 'Thanks goodness!'
> > ******************
> > Sam: Dad, can you write in the dark?
> > Dad: I think so, what do you want me to write?
> > Sam: Your name on my report card.
> > ******************

king_ed

October 29th, 2003, 06:04 AM

:lol:

:lol:

Soseng

November 18th, 2003, 03:44 AM

Temptation

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year,
and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every
way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend! She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight
mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check
the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my
life to her sister.

I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going
upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just
come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as
I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house.

I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.
We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter.

Welcome to the family.

The moral of this story?
Always keep your condoms in your car.

:lol:

EFREN JUMAO-AS

November 21st, 2003, 01:21 PM

At 20, a man plays basketball. At 30, less fit, he turns to billiard. At 40, worried, he turns to golf.
CONCLUSION:
As man gets older, his balls get SMALLER!

EFREN JUMAO-AS

November 21st, 2003, 01:33 PM

JOKE JOKE JOOOKKK...

reongmanchi63

November 21st, 2003, 06:55 PM

They had known each other since schooldays and had since become the best of friends.They shared everything and anything and spends a lot of time together in and after school.But.... their friendship never developed into anything deeper.Diane kept a secret... her admiration and love for Jack.
She had her reasons for keeping it a secret.....FEAR.Fear of rejection...fear that he might not feel the same way .Fear that he might not want her to be his best friend anymore if he finds out about her feeling towards him.And fear of loosing someone that she can always find comfort in and have a shoulder to cry on when things got wrong.At least if she kept her feelings to herself, she could still spend time with him..and hopefully he would be the one to tell her how he felt towards her.
Time passed and soon...school was over.Jack and Diane went seperate ways.Jack continued his studies overseas and Diane get herself a job.They still kept in touch though...penned letters, send each others photograph,and mailed each others gift.
Diane longed for Jack to be back.She decided to tell Jack about her feelings when he comes back.And then out of the blue...mails from Jack stopped coming.Alarm and worried Diane wrote him many times, but there was never a reply.
Where was he...what happened?Lots of question runs through her mind.Two years passed and Diane was still hopeful that Jack would comeback...or at least send her a note.And then her prayers was answered.One mid-October she received a note from Jack and it said:"Diane, I have a surprise for you...I am flying over.Meet me at the airport my flight comes in at 4pm next Saturday.I can't wait to see you again Diane! There is something I need to tell you...something I have been keeping all this time.
Love and Kisses Jack".
Diane's finger trembled as she finish reading the notes and her hearts soared.She was thrilled. Love and Kisses...it meant a lot to a lady who had waited so long for these words.And she was very happy and ecstatic.
The day arrived, and in the airport Diane waited anxiously for Jack.She had slipped to her best dress and did her best to look pretty as she could.She looked around but Jack was nowhere in sight.She waited and waited, wondering what she would say to Jack when he got there, what their meeting would be like.Would there be love in his eyes?Would there be longing bred from years of seperation and hiding each others' feelings?Oh how she longed to see him! How she longed to throw her arms around him and tell him she was a fool to ever let him go without ever telling him how she felt. She was certain Jack felt it too.There was always a certain magic about them when they were together.
Then...a lady in a sexy blue dress approached her. She had a very concerned look on her face, " Hi I'm Lyn..a friend of Jack are you Diane?" she asked.Diane just nodded her head."I'M afraid.... I have a bad news for you...Jack is not coming and he won't be coming back anymore", said the lady placing a hand on Dianes shoulder.
Diane shook her head in confusion.She felt her heart constrict.What could possibly have happened?Diane felt an overwhelming fear inside her.Her hands turned cold.Her voiced cracked as she asked:"Where...where is Jack?What happened to him???Please tell me..."Diane almost teary beg the lady.
The lady looked intently at Diane...and then...she gave Diane a nudge on the shoulder and said.............HOY, GAGA IT'S ME JACK.....JACKLYN!!!. HINDI MO BA AKO NAKILALA!?!?........
ANG GANDA KO NGAYON DI BAAAAAH!

bien1931

December 1st, 2003, 08:33 AM

Cockmayte sat at the pit restaurant order ' gusto ko ng steak
tanong ng waitress anong gusto mo sa steak para ng aking SEX
rare pero hung ikaw ahe well done'
bien31

Kenut

December 2nd, 2003, 07:34 AM

Nice Love Story !

BLISS Argao

September 11th, 2007, 08:01 AM

The 11 th Husband

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin". < /B>

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?"

"Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

" Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, .he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

"Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.

"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

" Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector ; all he ever did was........... God I miss him.

" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".

"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?

"You're with the "GOVERNMENT"..
This time I KNOW I'M gonna get
SCREWED."

BLISS Argao

September 13th, 2007, 10:34 AM

Dahil sa tindi ng kahirapan sa probinsya, namasukan si Inday bilang katulong sa Maynila. Habang ini-interview ng amo…

Amo: Kelangan namin ng katulong para mag ayos ng bahay, magluto, maglaba, magplantsa, mamalengke, at magbantay ng mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng ito?

Inday: I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want, my creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress.

Amo: [nosebleed]

Nakaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang amo, nakitang me bukol si junior.

Amo: Bakit me bukol si junior?

Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan.

Amo: Bakit maalat ang ulam?

Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.

Amo: [nosebleed na naman]

Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng tv?!

Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.

Donya: [hinimatay]

Kinabukasan, sinamahan ni Inday si junior sa principal's office dahil di makapunta ang amo at donya.

Principal: Sinuntok ni junior ang kanyang kaklase.

Inday: It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids on this educational institution. Revise your policies because they suck!

Principal: [nag resign]

Pag dating sa bahay, nandun na ang amo, galit na galit.

Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Habang nagluluto si Inday ng hapunan, malikot si junior.

Inday: Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment to be inflicted upon you!

Junior: [takbo sa CR, punasan ang nagdudugong ilong]

Pagkatapos magluto, nanood na ng TV si Inday. Nabalitaan nya umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.

Junior: Bakit kaya sya umalis?

Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they'll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it's harder when people can't understand you for doing so.

Junior: [tuloy ang pagdugo ng ilong]

Nung gabing yon, me nag text ke Inday. Si Dodong, ang driver ng kapitbahay, gusto maki pag text-mate.

Inday: To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unfathomable statement to the denial of your request - Petition denied.

Di nagla-on, dahil sa tyaga ni Dodong, nagging syota nya rin si Inday. Pero di tumagal ang kanilang relasyon, at nakipag-break si Inday ke Dodong.

Inday: The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocations. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!"

Dodong: Perhaps you are mistaken, what you seem to contrive as any affections for you are somewhat half-hearted. I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily recreation. Heretofor, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from myself"

Me dumaan na mamang basurero, at narinig ang usapan ni Inday at Dodong.

Basurero (sabi ke Inday): Be careful in letting go of the things you thought are just nothing because maybe someday you'll realize that the one you gave away is the very thing you've been wishing for to stay.

Narinig ang lahat ng eto ng amo ni inday.

Amo: [nagpakamatay]

zphatch

September 13th, 2007, 09:53 PM

Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor , get outta here." The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian.

zphatch

September 13th, 2007, 10:08 PM

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love.
All of a sudden a bumblebee entered the bedroom window. As the young
lady
parted her legs the bee entered her vagina.The woman started screaming
"Oh
my God,help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately
took
her to the local doctor and explained the situation.The doctor thought
for
a moment and said "Hmm,tricky situation. But I have a solution to the
problem if young sir would permit."

The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use
whatever
method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina.
The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top
of my
penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee
getting
closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should
hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina.

The husband nodded and gave his approval.The young lady said
"Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it."

So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted
it
into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor
said,
"I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a
bit
deeper." So the doctor went deeper and deeper.After a while the doctor
began shafting the young lady very hard indeed.

The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to and groan
aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying
himself, he then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started
making loud noises.

The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted,
"Now
wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?" The doctor,
still
concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the bastard!"

trapperjohn

September 14th, 2007, 11:27 AM

Minsan isang madaling araw...

sv_northcal_408

October 9th, 2007, 02:27 AM

LOVE IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL

Just because someone does not love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you are being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another that you have a sound mind. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

scythe_g

October 9th, 2007, 10:09 AM

Joke! joke! joke!

Dati ang gamot sa sakit ng ulo ay kisspirin at yakapsule ngaun hindi narawa uso un!
ano daw ang uso! di BiogeSEX! pwedeng gawin maski walang laman ang tiyan! he!he!he!

************************************************** ************************

Mas Mahal ng Diyos ang mga Boys,
Why?
Binigyan na nga ng dalawang itlog meron pang hotdog!
Samantalang s mga girls.. Tinapay lang hinati pa, may palaman nga pero 1 Mani Naman! Ha!Ha!Ha!

************************************************** ************************

Men were born between the Legs of a woman... &
its funny how men spend all his Lifetime trying 2 go back between the legs of a woman! Why?
Cause there's no place like home
:D :D :D

"Only The Dead Have Seen The End Of War"

sv_northcal_408

October 10th, 2007, 01:54 AM

Wanna go camping with Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep. Some hours later, the Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend and says, Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" asked The Lone Ranger. Tonto ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially millions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. How about you Lone Ranger, what does it tell you? The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment then says, "Tonto, you dumb ass, someone has stolen our tent."

zphatch

October 24th, 2007, 08:36 AM

CLAUDE and MAUDE

They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company.

After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town.

Despite his age, they ended at his place for an after-dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.

As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.....

Claude was thinking: "If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd have been gentler."

Maude was thinking: "If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken off my tights. "

canTUNISIANgold

October 24th, 2007, 09:57 AM

WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon.
HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya "GO TO
HELL", kaya ito uwi agad ako..

Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na
to, let's make love.
Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. Maaga pa akong gigising
bukas, buti ikaw, hindi na.

HEHEHHE

canTUNISIANgold

October 24th, 2007, 10:20 AM

Street Vendor : "bili na kayo ng relo! gold watch ito!
pag namuti, white gold!
pag huminto stopwatch!"

gf : hu hu hu hu bakit natin ginawa ito? hindi na ako
virgin at dalawang beses pa natin ginawa!
bf : ano? isa lang ah?!
gf : bakit, hindi na ba natin uulitin mamaya?!

Couple talking:
wife : hon, paki fix naman ilaw sa labas.
husband : hello!? electrician ba ako?
wife : eh di pkigawa na lang hagdan natin.
husband : hello!? karpintero ba ako?
umalis c husband, pagbalik gawa na lahat ng sira sa
bahay. tinanong niya wife kung sino gumawa ng trabaho.
wife : kasi kanina a man saw me crying, sabi ko dami
sira dito sa bahay. so he offered to help in exhange of either sex or bake
ako ng cake.
husband : so pnag-bake mo siya ng cake?
wife : hello?! baker ba ako?!:D :D

canTUNISIANgold

October 24th, 2007, 10:21 AM

May isang intsik na sa sobrang hilig sa karaoke ay
inabot ng 5 am.
Dahil sa takot mabugbog ni misis, nag-text ng:
"HUWAG KA BAYAD RANSOM. NAKATAKAS AKO. UWI NA KO!"

Sa harap ng nursery window;
Friend: Pare, pag laki ng anak mo, am sure magaling mag-drive
Dad: Bakit, pare, malaki ba ang kamay?
Friend: Hindi. Kasi kamukha siya ng driver ninyo!

canTUNISIANgold

October 24th, 2007, 10:25 AM

Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife
and carried her.
Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?
Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!

Friend: "Wow, pare, ganda ng sapatos mo, ah!"
Husband: "Oo. Surprise gift ng kumare mo!"
Friend: "Surprise? Ano occassion?"
Husband: "Wala. Nakita ko na lang sa ilalim ng kama namin kagabi!"

canTUNISIANgold

October 24th, 2007, 10:27 AM

Health Advisory: "Beer contains female hormones, and can
turn men into women.
After 5 pints.... men become talkative, unreasonable,
irritable, cry for nothing, and urinate while sitting!"

canTUNISIANgold

October 24th, 2007, 10:28 AM

Population policies of countries:
China : Stop at 1 child.
Singapore : Stop at 2 children
Phil: STOP AT 4 A.M.!

RUSSIAN: we're 1st in space
USA : we're 1st in the moon
ERAP: we'll be the 1st in the sun
USA : you can't go there, you'll burn
ERAP: we're not stupid, we'll go there at NIGHT!

Ano kadalasan ang sinasabi kapag nautot?
American: Excuse me.
British: Pardon me.
Pinoy: NOT ME!

kingfisher1826

November 1st, 2007, 11:41 AM

LADY: doc, meron po akong brownish discharge. Parang
na-infect.
DR : gaano kadalas ka mag sex?
LADY: Once a month lang po.
DR : Ahh, hindi yan infection, KALAWANG YAN!!

GIRL: Ang puti ng bird mo!
BOY : Aba syempre! Likas Papaya ata gamit ko dyan!
GIRL: Ginagamitan mo din ba ng Downy?
BOY : Bakit, mabango ba?
GIRL: Hindi...........lambot eh!

Mr: Kung marunong ka lang sanang maglaba, eh di
nakatipid sana tayo ng 2,000 sa maid.
Mrs: Hmmph!! kung ikaw magaling sa kama, eh di nakatipid
tayo ng 5,000 sa driver!

Batang musmos: Ma, bakit kayo tumatalbog sa ibabaw ni daddy??
Mom: Wala anak, pinapaliit ko lang tiyan ng Daddy mo.
Musmos: Nye! Mapapagod ka lang kasi hinihipan din uli yan
ni yaya ko!

in a petshop...
Customer (talking to a parrot): "Hoy! can you speak ha? can you speak? BOBO!...."
Parrot: "Yes, I can! Ikaw? Can you fly, ha? Can you
fly? ****......!"

Pari: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kunin ko lang toothbrush ko.
Sister: Sandali, naka-panty lang ako Father.
Pari: Ok, antay lang ako.
Sister: Pasok na Father, wala na akong panty!

Prof: who among u experienced having sex with a ghost??
Juan raised his hand...
Prof: Really?? how does it feel to have sex with a ghost?
Juan: Ay pucha! Akala ko goats!!

Q: Bakit tahimik magbukas ng medicine ang tanga??.....
A: Ayaw niyang magising ang mga sleeping pills..Nyahaha!!

Erap writing on a slumbook...
Favorite actor:
Arnold
Schawrze.. (erase)
Schaw.. (erase)
Swarzen.. (erase)
Washen.. (erase)
Swachen..(erase)
Arnold Clavio..

Nasa bubong ang sakristan, namboboso sa pari at
madre.....
Madre: pano pag nabuntis ako??
Pari: bahala na ang nasa itaas!
Sakristan: Tang ina, bakit ako? Nanonood lang naman
__________________
Konting diperensya.... LARGA!!!!