Short Stories, Jokes and Laughter as Medicine

[astro]

Hi to Everyone,

Our Broodcock had asked me to give some short and true story/ies for entertainment and/or to forget some bad times sa sabong ( iyong talo lang ha). However, I request that anyone who has some short story/ies and jokes that they can share with Cyberfriends are most welcome to reveal and share it here for everyone's consumption.

Galapong, EAA Indians dito ko itutuloy ang kuwento ko tungkol sa patakbuhan ng manok sa sabong fareast and southasia.

Any comment please from Broodcock and Battlecocks before I start the first story?

Regards,

Astro

[Kidd Sentencia]

Astro, we're waiting...go ahead, we want to hear your stories...

Kidd

[Galapong]

Astro,
Nasaan na ang kuwento mo?

Keep em game and fighting

Galapong

[Kidd Sentencia]

Ang tagal naman ni Astro eh, kaya ako na mag-uumpisa...hehehe, ano pa ba ang bago.

May pagka-hayop kanan ito, kaya pwede dito…hehehe

Nangyari ito around 1985...sa Clark AB, to my to-be kumpare to the bone, back-2-back, as I was the ninong of his eldest and he was of mine--just a month apart.

Him and me really do party a lot...young pinoy GIs at Clark AB, what can one expect. We pulutan kambing a lot of times and he probably got tired of it and want to try or try again aso. Then one day he called me up and said he happened to be at the aso-pond of the base and huuuuuuu, there's plenty of pulutans in there...just pick one up...free!

I was not so enthusiastic, but I said yeah-ye, as we hardly say no to each other (I had enough of aso in Pangasinan when I was young and have never tried it again for years). The reasons--I have posted here...dig deep...hehehe.

Anyway, my kumpare picked up one.

Before that happened, weeks before, my kumpare has his Toyota Corona (macho) refurbished...body repaired, new paint, new upholstery--the type that shines. It was really very appealing.

Having picked up the aso right after lunchtime, he left the poor thing inside the car. Although he cracked the windows, you know how's the general temperature in PI especially during sunny weather and that been the situation at that time.

At quitting time (SMB time), he called me and said, follow my car as I swing by your building. So, there he is, broooom, I followed. He always has this Caucasian airman riding with him, as they are next-door neighbor and works in a same place together. He stopped right outside the main gate of Clark...guess what that place is called: Astro Park! A grassy softball field. They parked, and me followed beside them, when my kumpare stepped out, he grabbed the aso and sakal it right there...hehehe, the airman tried to stop him, and begging-wondering what in the hell he is doing?

Your guess is right...hehehe, the aso bit, chewed up, and scratched up the interior of my kumpare's car that it made the inside looks like having a grenade-blast effect.

So, with the airman pulling my kumpadre's hand, the aso got loose and ran. My kumpare gave chase right away and the airman chased after him...and I, almost died laughing, nakatihaya sa damo looking at an aso running scared, my kumpare chasing it, and the airman chasing him...huuuu. I'm laughing MAO right now 2...hehehe.

Kidd

oh, ikaw naman...hehehe

[astro]

Aray ko...Bukol...Sakit po Kuya Eddie. Did you say sa Astro Park! or Aso Park?

I feel uncomfortable really to start a kuento, hinintay ko muna si Broodcock and still waiting for the Battlecocks/Hen and Stags to do his kuento para mahiyang si Aso ay mali... si Astro pala.

Astro

[Kidd Sentencia]

Astro, yan talaga ang pangalan nuong park sa harap ng Clark AB. Tanong mo sa mga taga Angeles or karatig pook...hehehe.

Kung hihintayin mo pa yung mga sinabi mo, aba eh, puputi na yung mga black sumatra diyan eh hindi pa namin mababasa ang kuwento mo...ngiiii...hehehe.

Kidd

[whooper]

Tama iyong sinabi ni Kidd Astro Park nga iyong pangalan ng park sa harap ng CAB.

Whooper

[astro]

Whooper if that is true so be it. Mind you Guys..Who is best man's friend? I think everyone know's the answer.

Okay, wari ko ay inip na inip na si Kasamang Galapong sa kuento ko.

Buri mo ng marinig Galapong?

Kapa mo, bago ko simulan ang aking kuento ay
nais kong mag-excuse muna sa kasama na si Kalbo-ka, si llamadista dahil mga characters sila dito sa kuento. " Bato bato sa banwa umituran ememwa".Ano ba ang ibig sabihin noon. Si Edwin na lang ang magpaliwanag sainyo kung ano ang ibig sabihin noon.

Itutuloy.....

Astro


[This message has been edited by astro (edited 07-20-2001).]

[astro]

See di si Edwin ang tumawa. Saka na siguro ipapaliwanag ni Edwin ang remaining sentence.
Edwin, mali ang turo sa akin ng Ermat ko.

Di bali subukan ko uli.

Mayap a abak kekyungan at kaluguran. Nokarin tamu munta? Di salikut ka king lalam na ning **** ay tete pala.

Edwin ipaliwanag mo uli. Pero di ka na tatawa ha.

So Edwin puede na akong adopted brother ha.

Masayu ku. Kasi bigay ka libre Dee Cox.

Komuta na ka ken. Sana parati kang masaya at masikan a katawan at marayu keng nanumang kapanamdaman.

Itutoly....

Astro

[EAA Indians]

There was a big commontion at Jones Bridge in Manila. A man is attempting to commit suicide and the police and rescue teams were there including a priest. So, they persuaded the man to at least talk to the priest about his problem. The priest asked the man, what is your problem? Father, I am a sabongero and for years my wife has been complaining and threatening to leave me if I do not quit sabong. She bitches and goes ballistic everytime before I leave for the cockpit and it brings hard luck to my sabong. I tried everything to convince her. And yesterday, she said she is leaving me. I do not want to lose her because I love my wife and my kids but I also love sabong. So, the best solution is to end everything here. No no no, don't jump, at least allow me to talk to your wife and resolve the problem. The sabongero was waiting for a while and was getting very edgy. After 3 hours, the priest came back and very seriously said. "I spoke to your wife and...... Sabongero couldn't wait...so what did she say, did she change her mind and will stay? The priest repeated, ...after talking to your wife for a long time and I agree with you that she goes ballistic.....I think the best route to take is to jump!!!

[Rattlesnake]

That was a good one EAA. Here's one...

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for social security. After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.

He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and comeback later". The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," & she processed his social security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She said, "You should have
dropped your pants, you might have gotten disability too." //sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/crazy.gif zzzzzzzzz


------------------
Abu Ahas

[This message has been edited by Rattlesnake (edited 07-21-2001).]

[Rattlesnake]

Hoy, hindi ito si ako ha.. just story telling..//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/crazy.gif //sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/lol.gif

"Why I Fired My Secretary...

Last month was my 42nd birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway.

I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me. She Didn’t even say "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday, "I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember."

The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, "Good Morning Boss, Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better, someone had remembered.

I worked until noon. Then, Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go. We went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis an enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable." "Sure," I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends. All were singing Happy Birthday...

and there on the couch I sat... naked."


------------------
Abu Ahas

[EAA Indians]

Rattlesnake or Abu Ahas....are you speaking from experience about the social security and dissability benefits? //sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/biggrin.gif //sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Galapong]

What is the difference between a gamecock and a prostitute?

[Oplod]

The fighting cock buckles while the frustitutes unbuckles.

[astro]

AA Indians, RSnake, Galapong & Oplod, I like that it is really funny, hehehehe, hahahaha.

Laughter is the best medicine, is'nt Guys? especially when somebody is lonely, try to console or make him/her laugh by using a trick such as jokes.However, ang hirap tumawa pag talo tayo sa sabong,di ba mga prens si SMB ang ating dinidiskitahan.Kaya iyon lasing Kidd nasipa ng Red Horse.hehehehe. Kidd ikaw uli..kuento para kamutin ko ang aking likiliki para matawa ako.hehehehe.

Malongkot ku.. kasi di ka kuento sa akon.

Astro

[This message has been edited by astro (edited 07-21-2001).]

[Kidd Sentencia]

Astro, hehehe...kamutin mong kili-kili mo tapos amuyin mo yang kamay mo, aruuuu...hahaha, mas matatawa ka siguro...ngayon lang nakatawa ka na eh...pustahan tayo...hehehe.

Prosti at Gamecock Diff? (Galapong). hmmmm, parehong they fly by day and night...parehong bayaran, parehong pwedeng lapnos ang bulsa mo...hehehe. Ang difference siguro eh manok at tao kasi...pero eto ang akin: pag hinimas mong prosti, paktay kay esmi...pag hinimas manok, lusot ka pa kay esmi...hehehe.

yon lang muna...

Kidd

[Kidd Sentencia]

Eto pa sa difference:

Pag ginamit mong prosti, lagay mo supot sa tari mo. Pag manok, tanggal mo supot ng tari niya...hehehe.

Kidd

[Kidd Sentencia]

hahaha...kaya pala si Senyang eh devastating.

So, pag sinabing "bagyo" and wankata, mag-ingat ka...ang sabong mo eh dapat Cyberfriends style lang...unay-unay...hehehe.

Kidd

[Galapong]

Sagot::
The difference between a gamecock and a prostite..sabi ng gamecock cock-a-doodle-doo
sabi naman ng prostitute any-cock'll-doo
//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/teeth.gif ayos ba mga chong...

Keep em game and fighting

Galapong

[Kidd Sentencia]

Ayos! Galapong...hehehe.

Sabi nga nuong janitor sa NASA duon sa meeting ng mga sayangtis eh, da onli way you can go to the sun is to travel at night!...

hehehe,

Kidd

[Kidd Sentencia]

For those apart with their room mates, and those who are having a not so good day with their room mates, have a beer! Here's

15 Reasons Why a Beer is better than a Woman…hehehe.

1. A beer doesn’t get jealous when you grab another beer.

2. When you go to a bar you know you can always pick up a beer.

3. A beer won’t get upset if you come home and have beer on your breath.

4. You don’t have to wine and dine a beer.

5. If you pour a beer right you’ll always get good head.

6. Hangovers go away.

7. When you’re finished with a beer the bottle is still worth a few pesos/cents/pence. – this is gross... hehehe.

8. You don’t have to wash a beer before it taste good.

9. A beer always goes down easy.

10. You can share a beer with your friends.

11. Beer is always wet.

12. You always know you’re the first one to pop a beer.

13. You can have more than one beer and not feel guilty.

14. A frigid beer is a good beer.

15. You can enjoy a beer all month long.

from a pub I visited today after a few months absence=3 pints of cider down on a Sunday early evening…hehehe.

pikon==talo, isports lang ha!

Kidd

[astro]

Kidd okay iyan sinabi mo na iyan. Saan mo ba pinag-kukuha iyan? Palaging lusot tayo niyan kay Ismi. Pero masarap ang SMB pagnaglalaro tayo ng chess at billard, lalo na hindi makatira ang kalaban mo. Mas okay iyan pag nanalo ka rin sa derby o kaya sa hacks. Isa pa nga riyan..na beer iyong malamig...Aaah sarap Pare ko.

Teka muna kuento mo tayo, noong na-assigned ako sa Hong Kong noong gawin namin ang Tyen Mun Highway sa New Territories,Kowloon tuwing Sabado ng hapon ay pumupunta kami sa downtown of Kowloon para mag-inom ng malamig na beer,kung tawagin ang restaurant doon as Little Manila. Siyempre, barkada paramihan ng inom hangang sa medyoo malasing lang. Noong pauwi na kami,habang naglalakad papunta sa sasakyan bus, iyon dalawa kong kasama ay naihi. Palihasay sa atin sanay tayo na umihi kahit saan. Iyong dalawang kasama ko na Pinoy din ay umihi sa side ng isang bakod. Kaso nakita sila ng Pulis Hong Kong at sinita ang aking mga kasama. Ang sita ng Pulis sa kanila ay ito " don't you know that it is against the law" dahil medyo lasing ang dalawa kong kasama eh ang sagot ba naman " no this is not against the law, this is against the wall".Di ko mapigil ang aking pag tawa.. Eh.. lalong nagalit iyong Pulis kaya nakalabuso ang aking kasama.Di ko alam ko ano ang gagawin ko, kaya sumama na rin ako sa kanila para alamin ko kung saan sila dadalahin. Ay naku mga prens ang laking balita iyon sa Hong Kong noon.

Astro

[Rigolleto]

Saw this item from Diario Filipino, a Filipino community newspaper here in Auckland and I would like to share it here

"ONLY IN THE PHILIPPINES", have fun !!!!

1) At a Megalink ATM "OOF LINE"
2) On a wall in La Loma St "Huli ihi, putol
****"
3) A PLDT sign read "SLOW MEN AT WORK"
4) "Welcome to the Philippines, the only
Catholic country in Asia" and directly
under the sign "BEWARE OF PICKPOCKETS"
5) Along a highway in Pampanga
"We make modern and antique furnitures"
6) On a building in Cebu
"Atty Domingo Carriedo, Notary Public"
"Tumatangap din ng labada tuwing Linggo"
7) On a self service restaurant in Cebu
"Please help our comfort room clean"
8) In a Baguio grocery
"Fresh Frozen Chicken Sold Here"
9) On a house besides an auto repair shop
"No Parking and Repair Here"
10) Sign at PHILCOA
"No Crossing Pedestrians Will Be Fined"
11) In Cubao "None ID, Nothing Entry"
12) On a parking lot in Malate
"Taxi and outside cars not allowed"
13) On a convent "2nd Floor Upstairs"
14) In a Baguio country club
"Temporary Close"
15) "Sorry for the inconvenient, your taxes
are working for you"
16) Billboard at a construction in Baclaran
"Erection Going On"
17) On a cracked lopsided wall along Libis QC
"Danger Wall is Falling"
18) On a bank in Timog Avenue
"No Parking For Customers Only"
19) Along Paco "Mabuhay Funeral Parlor"
20) Office clinic in Sta Cruz
"Dr. Sakim A. Morge, M.D"
21) Along Luneta Boulevard
"Bawal Tumae sa Bulevard"
22) On a flower shop in Rizal Avenue
"We sell artificial fresh flowers"
23) On a restaurant window in Baguio
"Wanted: Boy Waitress"
24) In a carinderia "Cooking ng ina mo"
right across "Cooking ng ina mo rin"
25) In Chinatown "Le Cheng Tea House"
26) On a street in San Juan
"Bawal magtapon ng binalot na tae rito"
27) On a truck in Caloocan
"Kung nababasa mo ito, pag-nautot ako,
ma-aamoy mo"
28) At an abandoned street repair site
"Your taxes working for you"
29) In an old concrete wall in Sampaloc
"Matapang lang ang iihi dito"
30) Somewhere in Mandaluyong
"Bawal Omehi, Ang Maholi, Bog-bog"
31) Somewhere along San Andres
"No urinating on over the walls"
32) A vacant lot near Makati Avenue
"Don't Parking"


[This message has been edited by Rigolleto (edited 07-27-2001).]

[Galapong]

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing the habit to open and reveal a leg. The priest looks and nearly has an accident, and after changing gear lets his hand slide up her leg. She
immediately says "Father remember psalm
139 verses 23&24"
The priest apologises profusely and removes his hand but is unable to remove
his eyes from her leg. Further on when he changes gear and has ogled at
her leg for the zillionth time he lets the hand slide up the leg again.
The Nun once again says "Father remember psalm 139 verses 23&24" Once again the priest
apologises "Sorry sister but you know the flesh is weak". Arriving at the convent the nun gets out and the priest goes on his way.
Once he arrives at his church he rushes to the bible and looks up psalm
139 verses 23&24 it said : (look it up)


Now you guys fill this in: The moral of the story is______________


Keep em game and fighting

Galapong

[MattDunne]

I hpe this one doesnot get me into trouble!!!
2 men were standing at the toilet.One man takes a casual glance at the other and said "how did you get one so long" the other man smiles and say's "When I was a boy my mother Tied a Heavy weight to it and it streched." A couple of weeks later they met up again and the second man said" Did you take my advice" and the first man said " Yes butt it have only half worked" what do you mean said the second man. The first mah replied"WEll it hasn't lenghtened but it has turned black"

[Kidd Sentencia]

Matt, just like I heard...

3 fifth graders in a school's bathroom able to glance at each other's material while using the urinals. The two on the sides were amazed how the one in the middle got
4-times larger than theirs (I won't mention his race...hehehe). How could that be?

Kidd

[MattDunne]

My wife showed me a fax with this on it today

You may be married to a Filipina when:

1 You are expected to read her mind just by watching her eyebrows move up and down and whuch way her lips are pointed

2 all her relatives think your name is Joe

3 your inlaws take 10 years to acknowledge your existance and to call you by somthing other then "that white guy"
4 the only white meat she likes is you,and that is if your lucky

5 You are married 5 years before you realise that "ARAY" doesn"t mean "OOH BABY"

6 she and the kids are allways saying "Daddy utot" and you still don"t know what it means but they think it"s Funny"

7 You still dont know the difference between "Manong" and "Manok"

8 Before you go there on holidays her sisters fax you a10 page "BILIN" list which says "Suggestion only"

9 She uses an umbrella even when it's not raining
10 instead of a dowry you recieve a bill for the wedding and honeymoon

This wasn't ment to offend anyone I just thought it is funny

[astro]

Tokayong Rigoletto, Galapong,Kidd & Matt, I like that... anymore? Our friends are eager to know some of our stories and jokes. Since, medyo hiyang na si Astro.. puede ng ituloy ang kanyang kuento.

Dakal a salamat kekayung kayabe at kabalen. Ituki dakayo keng pamamasyal agyang alikayu mumunta kareng lugar a pintalan kuna ampong pipag-obrahan keng menlabas a panaun.

Iyong hindi makaintindi ng salitang Kapanpangan, ang ibig sabihin nito ay ganiri.

Maraming salamat mga kasama at kababayan. I will take you all for a journey without flying to the places I have reached and worked for the past years..

Is the translation correct Edwin?

Itutuloy....

Astro




[This message has been edited by astro (edited 07-29-2001).]

[Kidd Sentencia]

Songs of Sabong...eto pwede niyong dagdagan.

"We are the Champions" (Queen)
I wish I can play this song after every time I sabong...hehehe.

"3-time Loser" (Rod Stewart)
eto yung na-000 ka sa 3-cock...hehehe

"Revenge is Sweet" (Nazareth)
Pag naka 0-1 ka sa two-cock

"Against the Wind" (Bob Seger)
pag kalaban mo ay UCAP...hehehe.

"Desperado" (Eagles)
Pag laging talo...hehehe

"Nothing compares 2U" (Sinead O'Connor)
yung paborito mong multi-winner...ace

"Blowing in the Wind" (Bob Dylan)
pag pilay na ang manok mo...patalo na...yung datong mo eh blowing in the wind na rin...hehehe

Kidd

[Galapong]

Originally posted by Galapong:
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing the habit to open and reveal a leg. The priest looks and nearly has an accident, and after changing gear lets his hand slide up her leg. She
immediately says "Father remember psalm
139 verses 23&24"
The priest apologises profusely and removes his hand but is unable to remove
his eyes from her leg. Further on when he changes gear and has ogled at
her leg for the zillionth time he lets the hand slide up the leg again.
The Nun once again says "Father remember psalm 139 verses 23&24" Once again the priest
apologises "Sorry sister but you know the flesh is weak". Arriving at the convent the nun gets out and the priest goes on his way.
Once he arrives at his church he rushes to the bible and looks up psalm
139 verses 23&24 it said : (look it up)


Now you guys fill this in: The moral of the story is______________


Keep em game and fighting

Galapong



To finish this story: So the priest looked up
Psalm 134 verses 23 & 24 and it says "Search me, try me and see if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in Glory"

Moral of the Story:
You should always be well informed in your job or you will loose a great opportunity..
//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/teeth.gif


Keep em game and fighting

Galapong

[astro]

Galapong, it's a nice story or anecdote. More please mga kasama...How about llamadista9? Igua ka baga na storya? Sige na Noy, banat na, saro lang.

Astro

[Kidd Sentencia]

For the need of joke (it was hectic today--darn SB345)...luckily it's Friday...will go fishing tomorrow...hehehe.

BULLETIN:

The Occupational Safety and Health Admnistration (OSHA) has determined that the maximum safe load capacity of my butt is two persons at one time, unless I install handrails or safety straps. As you have arrived sixth in line to ride my ass today, please take a number and wait your turn.

Thank you,

Beavis

[astro]

Kidd, how was your fishing expedition? Mayroon ka bang nahuli na sting ray, tuna or barakuda? Ang sarap na ihihaw noon sa uling as per Oplod.

I think I have to start some of my stories now, a non-fiction so that you may know my experiences and what have had happened in the other parts of the planet while I am roaming around in Far East, South Asia and Europe (Germany and Switzerland. I will start my story whem I was assigned as Resident Engineer in Cambodia between year 1995-1997. There we have constructed a 125kms. highway from Phenom Pheh to Sihanoukvile, a port city of Cambodia where good beaches are present. This strecth of 125kms. is heavily infested of Khmer Rouge (Red Army like NPA in PI )as well as the route is heavily planted with landmines. We are at 5-Pinoy Engineers who worked there, comprising an Ilocano, Visaya, Kapampangan, Bicol & Tagalog. We eat together and enjoy together. The first unforgetable experienced we had was when we are de-mining the stretch using a sophisticated de-mining equipment and we found a lot of asorted unexploded bombs big and small along the stretch. We have to detonate the mines and bombs thereafter. After the de-mining of bombs, the construction works starts and still there are some stray bombs left. There are times the bombs just exploded infront of a dozer and grader.It is really frightening but worth an experience.Since, the area is heavily infested with "Pogies" whenever I visited the construction site I had with me of a Plattoon of heavily armed soldiers.Even when I visited the cockpit there na patakbuhan I have a bodyguard as well....Galapong ito na ang hinihintay mo.

to be continued.... Astro

[Kidd Sentencia]

I thought you never ask...the fishing trip was fun...the catch was lousy. I caught one Halibut, about a bit longer than a feet long...another dude got one just about the same. Out of the six of us, two pinoys, two kanos, and two brits, just me and one of the kano caught a fish. However, we had a lot of fun...food, beers, and lots of laughter on the boat.

I bet you, if only I could get on Rigolleto's boat, gee, that would be great fishing!

Astro, any other "bomba" you saw at Kampuchea?...hehehe.

Kidd

[Maning]

I was a young 3rd Officer in 1983 when our ship sunk somewhere in Taiwan carrying logs from malaysia. Our ship sunk during my watch around 11 pm local time. The seas are calm but due to ships stability ( Top Heavy ) were not able to reach our destination safely.I blame the chief officer for this.At around 9 pm local time, I called the Captain because the ship is listing heavyly to the left (port side). I can't figure out, the captain is running to the bridge with underwear only.hehehe. I feel nervous also but when i saw him i keep on laughing at myself. 3rd,he quote, Get the PA and inform all hands to prepare for emergency.I can see all of them running everywhere.I told myself where are they going? I saw our Boatswain really so nervous. I told him,what are you doing? he told me he has to bring all his belongings. I told him lulubog na tayo dadalhin mo pa yang mga maleta mo? Mag excess baggage ka na sa lifeboat. hehehe. really funny! But our lives are in jeorpardy. Luckily we were able to lower our lifeboats everybody was in and after several hours in calm waters, we were pick-up by Japanese 'Copters. Know what i brought with me? my ten pieces of "Tare" hehehe. They don't know that. but, that was the first thing i secured.Hindi naman excess baggage ako no!hehehe.

[jlbs72]

BIZARRE FACTS OF THIS WORLD
*In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal are punishable by death.
*In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals,but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
*Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
*The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
*There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time... Reason: Under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
*In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
*Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.
*In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
*In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that had to pass this law?)
*In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beverages are sold only for the
consumption in the premises
*If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
*If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it)
*A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
*Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
( Still not over that pig thing)
*Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump. (OK, so that would be a good thing.... )
*Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper is always smiling? What about the pig?!)

*A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.
*The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmm.... I won't touch THAT one!)
*The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking bottles of? Did the govt. pay for this research??)
*The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the.....!" )
*The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(Oh my Gosh! )
*Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez...)
*A cat's urine glows under a blacklight.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out.)
*Polar bears are left handed.
(Who knew...? Who cares!)
*An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.(I know some people like that.)
*Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
*Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(In my next life, I STILL want to be a pig ... quality over quantity)
After reading all these, all I can say is....... Damn Those Pigs!

[Kidd Sentencia]

Interesting reading......

Good History you guys, good info too for the readers of this board...hehehe.
Read, enjoy and be proud. Share this to others if you may...like I am doing to you, although you probably have seen it.

Kidd

Founded in 1595 by Spaniards, the University of San Carlos in Cebu City,
Philippines is older than Harvard and is the oldest university in Asia.
University of Santo Tomas in Manila, established in 1611, is Asia's second
oldest.

In the Philippines, Filipinos were introduced to the English language in
1762 by British invaders, not Americans.

What is the world's 3rd largest English-speaking nation, next to the USA and
the UK? The Philippines.

The USA bought the Philippines, Puerto Rico and Guam from Spain in 1898.

The Filipino-American Independence War from 1898 to 1902 ensued, killing
4,234 Americans and how many Filipinos? 16,000 were killed in action and
200,000 died from famine and pestilence. (The Philippines lost and was
colonized until 1946.)

Los Angeles, California was co-founded in 1781 by a Filipino named Antonio
Miranda Rodriguez, along with 43 Latinos from Mexico sent by the Spanish
government.

What antibiotic did Filipino doctor Abelardo Aguilar co-discover? Hint:
Brand is Ilosone, named after Iloilo. Erythromycin.

The one-chip video camera was first made by Marc Loinaz, a Filipino inventor
from New Jersey.

The first ever international Grandmaster from Asia was Eugenio Torre who
won
at the Chess Olympiad in Nice, France in 1974.

This son of two Filipino physicians scored over 700 on the verbal portion
of
the Standardized Achievement Test (SAT)before age 13 - Kiwi Danao Camara of
Punahou School, Hawaii...

Edward Sanchez, a Mensa member, bagged the grand prize in the first
Philippine Search for Product Excellence in Information Technology.

Who was the Filipino-American dancer who scored a perfect 1600 on the SAT?
Joyce Monteverde of California.

Who invented the fluorescent lamp? Thomas Edison discovered the electric
light and the fluorescent lighting was thought up by Nikola Tesla. But the
fluorescent lamp we use today was invented by Agapito Flores (a Cebu man
named Benigno Flores of Bantayan Island, according to the Philippine Daily
Inquirer), a Filipino scientist.

Americans helped then-Philippine leader Ramon Magsaysay to develop it for
worldwide commerce. (Yes! Many foreigners have noted that the Filipino
population has Asia's highest rates of inventors and international beauty
queens.)

Two Filipina beauties, Gloria Diaz and Margie Morgan, chosen as Miss
Universe in 1969 and 1973.

Pure- or part-Filipino celebrities in American showbiz include Von Flores,
Tia Carrere, Paolo Montalban, Lea Salonga, Ernie Reyes Jr., Nia Peeples,
Julio Iglesias Jr., Lou Diamond Phillips, Phoebe Cates and Rob Schneider.

The first Filipino act to land a top hit on the US Billboard Hot 100 chart
in the 1960s was the group Rocky Fellers of Manila. Sugar Pie deSanto
(father was from the Philippines), The Artist Formerly Known as Prince
(according to the October 1984 article "Prince in Exile" by Scott Isler in
the magazine Musician), Jaya, Foxy Brown and Enrique Iglesias followed.

Pure Filipinos who made success in minor charts were Jocelyn Enriquez aka
Oriental Madonna, Buffy, Pinay and (Ella May) Saison.

Latina-American pop star Christina Aguilera lost to Filipina vocalist
Josephine Roberto aka Banig during the International Star Search years ago.
In a mid-1999 MTV chat, she said that competing against someone of Banig's
age was "not fair."

Besides gracing fashion magazine covers, this international supermodel from
Manila had walked the runways since the 1970s for all the major designers,
like Calvin Klein, Chanel, Christian Dior, Christian Lacroix, Donna Karan,
Gianni Versace and Yves Saint Laurent - Anna Bayle.

Who is the personal physician of United States Pres. William Clinton?
Eleanor "Connie" Concepcion Mariano, a Filipina doctor who was the youngest
captain in the US Navy.

The first Filipino-American in US Congress was Virginia Rep. Robert
Cortez-Scott, a Harvard alumnus.

Distinguished British traveler-writer A. Henry Savage Landor, thrilled upon
seeing a Bicol landmark in 1903, wrote: "Mayon is the most beautiful
mountain I have ever seen, the world-renowned Fujiyama (Mt.Fuji) of Japan
sinking into perfect insignificance by comparison." Mayon has the world's
most perfect cone.

Filipinos had their first taste of Mexican chili and corn during the
Manila-Acapulco galleon trade (1564-1815). In return, Mexico's people had
their initial taste of tamarind, Manila mango and a Filipino banana called
racatan or lakatan.

Who's the Filipina senator popular for her colorful jargon, delivered in a
mile-a-minute speed and in a weird Harvard-meets-Ilonggo accent? Atty.
Miriam Defensor-Santiago.

The first female president of the Philippines sworn into office in 1986 was
Corazon Cojuangco Aquino. Her maiden name is Chinese...

In a March 31, 1997 article, The New York Times reported that the CIA
manipulated Philippine elections: "(CIA operative Col. Edward Lansdale)
essentially ran the successful presidential campaign of Defense Minister
Ramon Magsaysay in the Philippines in 1953."

Who was the first Asian and/or Filipino to snatch America's Pulitzer Prize?
Philippines Herald war journalist Carlos P. Romulo in 1941. (He was also the
first Asian to become UN President.)

The first two Filipino-Americans to garner the same award 56 years later
were Seattle Times'Alex Tizon and Byron Acohido, who part-Korean.

Filipino writer Jose Rizal could read and write at age 2, and grew up to
speak more than 20 languages, including Latin, Greek, German, French and
Chinese. What were his last words? "Consummatum est!" ("It is done!")

"What's still most impressive to me about the Philippines is the
friendliness of the people, their sense of humor...," wrote Honolulu
journalist John Griffin in a 1998 visit to Manila.
**********************************************
PASS THIS ON TO OTHER FILPINOS/FILIPINAS

[astro]

Thrilling story Maning,jlbs72 it is interesting to know and Kidd a good historian of PI. I like that.

Kidd, kung sa "bomba" marami alin ba ang gusto mo iyon while legs or iyong umu-usok?

I have to continued my story of my escapades in Cambodia hinterlands, one afternoon around 4pm, we are concreting a bridge foundation in the mid-section of the 125Kms. stretch when our security men spotted a group of "Pogies" approaching our area. Upon seing it, they made an early shooting so that they can not go near us.We are very much surprised such that we have to take cover for our safety.One of my co-Engineer said to me, Pare uwi na tayo sa Pinas, baka mamatay tayo dito sa heart attack if not by stray bullets or landmines.I have to console him and we leave the place of work back to Phnom Penh city were we are staying...

to be continued... Astro

[Rattlesnake]

Hoy! Tawa naman diyan! kolecsiyon ito ng Sari-saring Kalokohan: //sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/lol.gif //sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/crazy.gif

KNOW the movie "MULAN?"
Part four na yon!
First episode nun "Mulog," then "Midlat,"
Tapos "Mambon," saka pa lang "Mulan"
Coming soon na ang "Magyo,"
Next ang "Maha," finally "Maraw".

SABI nila nauubos na raw ang mga puno, isda at ibon sa mundo.
Ang masakit pa rito ay dahan-dahan daw namamatay ang mga unggoy
Kaya naalala agad kita...ingat ka ha?

If you were my CRUSH, I would admire you
If you were my FRIEND, I would treasure you
If you were ME, grabe mag artista ka na,
Sayang ka!

WHEN I was lost you were there,
When I was down you were there.
When I was heartbroken you were there.
When I got really sick you were there.
ABA, hindi kaya ikaw ang malas sa buhay ko?

I sent an angel to watch over you kanina
He/She returned to me and said: "GRABE! ANG CUTE NIYA!" Binatukan ko nga, Kasi sabi ko ikaw ang bantayan, Hindi kung sinu-sino.

Anong saging ang mataba? SABA
Anong saging ang maliit? SE?ORITA
Yung sinusubo pati balat?.. T? sirit na? Esep..esep..!
Ano pa eh di TURON!!! Huwag esepsama!

I live a very difficult life. I always get hurt whenever people call me cute, Heartthrob and gorgeous. It really hurts inside...totoo pala, The truth hurts!!!

In the U.S, they have BILL CLINTON, JOHNNY CASH, BOB HOPE and STEVIE WONDER.
In the Philippines, we have ERAP, NO BILL, NO CASH and NO HOPE.....NO WONDER!!!

Breaking News: Former Presidential Spokesman
Fernando Barican's dual citizenship has just been confirmed. He is half-Filipino and half-Filipina! DIOS KO DAY!!


Did you know that Brother Mike Velarde kicked
out all the gays from EL SHADDAI? As a result, they got mad and formed their very own DIOSKODAI.

Q: Why are typhoons named after women?
A: Because when they come, they're wet and wild. And when they go, they take your house and car with them.

Witness: Pagkatapos ng krimen naghiwa-hiwalay na kami.
Translator: After the crime, we became sepa-separated.

Anong kalagayan ni pooh? POOHR
Anong gusto niyang car? RAV POOHR
Saaan siya nakatira? Sa POOH-NO,
Anong itsura niya? POOH-GI
Anong favorite color? POOH-SCHIA,
Sinong mas cute pa kay Pooh? AKO POOH!!!

A-you're Attractive
B-you're Brave,
C-you're Cute,
D-you're a Darling,
E-you're Exciting,
F-you're Funny,
G-you're so Great,
H-you're Heavenly,
I-I'm
J-Just,
K-Kidding......bwahahahahaha!!!!!!
//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/crazy.gif


------------------
Abu Ahas

[Kidd Sentencia]

Abu Ahas, walang bola ito...natawa talaga ako duon sa huli...nag-sa-ako ikaw?...hehehe,

kidding din...

Kidd

[Kidd Sentencia]

Isumbong mo kay Tulfo...hehehe, natawa lang ako talaga duon sa "horse manure" niya...I hated this guy during the Webb rape/murder case, but I like what he is doing right now...exposing this bad dude panfilo.

http://www.inq7.net/met/2001/aug/11/met_14-1.htm

[Sundowner]

A nun asked this question to the three Altar boys from Ireland, Mexico, and Philippines. Whena person dies what part of the body will enter the door first leading to heaven for everlasting life? The boy from Mexico answered; it is the head Mother. Why it’s the head? Asked the nun. I remember during my Grandfather’s funeral I saw this guys pushing the casket to mausoleum head first. So, it has to be the head. I don’t agree with that , said the boy from Ireland. What’s your answer? It has to be the hand Mother, because as you can see in any Churches , I observed all the pictures of the Angels with both wings up in the air flying and that wings represents the two hands of a person. Good point. How about you Jose? What is your version? I disagree with both of them. Why is that? Asked the nun. Because, just before I decided to be an Altar boy in the Philippines, I remember my Father come home late from cockfight drunk, hurriedly waking-up my Mother about the good news. He just won the derby by himself. So my mother demanded for the winning money. Of course to start the celebration, my mother has to make some coffee for my Dad and freshen up. It was almost 3:00 PM and I have to use the bathroom, on my way back to my bedroom,I hear some commotion in the living room. Out of my curiosity, I tip toed and open the door slowly. I cannot believed what I saw. What did you see? I saw my Father was in top of my Mother with my Mother’s two feet way up in the air murmuring .. Oh .. my God.. my God… I am coming.. I am coming..I am coming. That is way it has to be the feet, becuase I saw it with my two eyes, and I heard it with my two ears. See, my mother is an ex-nun from England..That is nasty, sabi ng madri. na grounded toloy si Tondo boy. Adios amigos and have a nice WEEKEND..



------------------
Sonny

[This message has been edited by Sundowner (edited 08-20-2001).]

[astro]

Sundowner, aray.... nice kuento i hope it is a fiction.

Mga kasama, ituloy kong ang kuento when I was in Cambodia. A section of completed road was completed and the traffic was flowing smoothly. One evening the "Pogies" had detonated at least 3big bundles of dynamite in three locations of the road at mid-way of our project. Broomm.....3x. The following morning we heard the news and inspected the area and we found out that the completed highway have 3 large craters of approximate 15 x10meters on the 3 locations. It is really incredible why they did it. The traffic was completely cut on the said route. We have to redo it again.. Also on one of the bridges we have completed we found out some dynamite planted on the bridge sets but did not explode...

to be continued.... Astro


[This message has been edited by astro (edited 08-19-2001).]

[This message has been edited by astro (edited 08-19-2001).]

[Kidd Sentencia]

Astro, I have lots of war movies on DVD...my favorites are Saving Private Ryan, Patton, When Trumpets Fade, A Bridge Too Far, Battle of the Bulge, Full Metal Jacket, Dead Presidents, Midway, and Vietnam-10,000-day War. However, I have seen these but has not yours so I will continue reading your story with enthusiasm...hehehe.

Kidd

[astro]

Kidd, thanks mayroon din pala na bumabasa sa kuento ko. Pare puede na pelikula ito, mayroon ba kayang bibili? Anyhow, i will continue my story....

Galapong ito na kuento na hinihintay mo.

One Saturday afternoon, I have visited a cockpit approximately 10Kms. from the City proper together with my security escort and my driver.My driver is previous Captain of Cambodian Army but retired. They thought I am a General of the Cambodian Army na naka civilian clothes lang. So I went to the parisan and observe and all eyes are on me, however, kunyari di ko alam na tinitingnan nila ako. There was a bulik and cock na bokal (kalbo) iyong walang balahibo sa buong leeg hangang ulo. Galing daw iyon sa Thailand and they have agreed to fight.So si "bulikpula" at si "kalbo" ang maglalaban.So tinarian na nila, to my surprise ang tari ay tinik ng kahoy about one inch ang haba. So pinarada na para magpustahan. Si "bulikpula" ang Llamado at dehado si "kalbo", so para malarga eh pumusta ako sa dehado, tinginan na naman ang mga tao, akala nila bigshot si ako. Sa madaling sabi, larga na. So laban na,mga pards and prens mayroon isang oras na wala pa rin tumatakbo.So pahinga muna, awat muna or time-out, during time-out pinunasan nila ang kani-kanilang manok. So after 30minutes bitaw uli.One hour after, wala pa rin tumatakbo, pero medyo lamang si "kalbo". So inip na inip na kami.Ito ang nag-yari mayroon isang tao na nag-sigaw na mayroon parating na mga Pogie, so takbuhan ang mga tao, pati ako at mga alalay takbo na rin kami pauwi. So walang nanalo at natalo doon sa sabong na iyon.... ay naku mga pards pagod at kaba lang ang tinamo ko roon sa scene na iyon. hehehe..

Itutuloy........ Astro



[This message has been edited by astro (edited 08-20-2001).]

[Kidd Sentencia]

Pareng Astro, konti pa pwede ng pelikula. Merong bibili tiyak niyan...baka pwede pa ngang pang-humanitarian funds eh...hehehe.
Anong title nga pala? Mga kasama, lagyan niyo ng title itong future pelikula ng CyberFriends!

Kidd

mga gustong maging extra, post na....hehehe.

[Sundowner]

Thanks Astro.. fiction man o non-fiction basta katatawanan. Share naman kayo diyan sa Jokes and Laughter. Ito isa para sa mga kasimanwa ko... A World WarII veteran from the Philippines is being enterviewed by a judge for his US Citizenship. Questions by the Judge: I understand you fought side-by-side with the Americans against the Japanese during the war? Yes your honor. What is your mission? Search and destroy your honor. I'll make it easy for you, said the judge. I'll just give you five simple word to use in the sentence. You know, it is very important that you learn how to speak the english language. Use the following word in the sentence: Deduct; defense; defeat and detail. Nag isip ng husto si Tanda. Your honor, I don't think I can make a sentence out of those words. I did not even finish six grade in elementary school. Well, give it a try. Okey.. Here's my sentence.. The DUCK jump over the FENCE, (itina-as pa ang kanang kamay at mustrang patalon) the FEET first, and then the TAIL. Very good..but I am afraid you just have to come back for another interview. What I am asking here is, how to use your noun, adjective, verb and etc. What is your name again? My first name is Horhi, my middle initial is W, and my last name is Talahiban. How about translate that for me in english, demanded the judge. That is easy..your honor.. That would be Jeorge W. Bush..he..he.. naka isa na naman si ako...bye..


------------------
Sonny

[This message has been edited by Sundowner (edited 08-21-2001).]

[Kidd Sentencia]

Sa Airport Nangyari, May Isang Galman Umiksena Eh Lagot, Pati Aquino Lagot, Etong Pati Imelda Lusot Sana, Eh Nabuko...

In memory of a great Pilipino, a patriot, a true Pinoy...Ninoy Aquino.

Kidd

[Galapong]

Silang Magkakaibigan Bumabati sa mga Seksi at Magagandang Bebot...PG-13 yan..\_/ ahhhh isa pa nga....

Pareng Astro bitin na naman ang kuwento mo eh, ang tagal parang yung chess game ninyo //sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/teeth.gif

Keep em game and fighting
Galapong

[jlbs72]

Dear Xerex,

Nais kong ikuwento sa inyo ang namagitan sa amin ng aking itay isang gabi. Hindi ko kayang makalimutan kahit anong bahagi ng gabing iyon. Malakas ang ulan noon.Katatapos ko pa lamang maligo at nakatapis pa lamang sa loob ng aking kuwarto.Nadaanan ko pa si itay kanina na umiinom ng kanyang paboritong serbesa. Malakas uminom si itay. Lasenggero talaga. Busing-busy sa panonood ng basketball. championship kasi. San Miguel versus Red Bull .Maya-maya narinig ko si Itay na kumakatok sa aking pinto. Nang sagutin ko ang pinto ay sinabi niya na kailangan daw naming magusap. Pinapasok ko naman po siya dahil ama ko po siya.
Nagulat na lamang ako nang isarado at ikinandado niya ang pinto. Hinawakan ni
Itay ang braso ko. Nagulat ako't Napasigaw, sabi ko "ITAY huwag, anak mo ako!". Sandali lang ito sambit ni itay. hinawakan niya ang aking buhok, sabay hubad sa pantaas niyang damit. Nagmakaawa ako ngunit hindi tumigil ang aking Itay. Ipinagpatuloy niya ang kanyang ginawa. Gusto kong umiyak pero walang luhang lumabas sa aking mga mata. siguro dahil na rin sa kaba at di maipaliwanag na damdamin. Pumikit na lamang ako dahil sa ayaw kong makita ang mukha nang
aking tatay sa kababuyan na kanyang ginagawa. Naririnig ko si Inay na
binubulabog ang pinto. Sumisigaw na, "Hayop ka wag mong gawin yan sa anak
mo." Ngunit wala pa rin. Nagmistulang bingi si itay ay panagpatuloy ang kanyang ginagawa.pinaubaya ko na lamang ang sarili ko sa Diyos.
Pagkalagpas ng ilang oras ay natapos din ang aking Itay. Basa ng pawis ang kanyang mukha. Nakangiti siyang sinabi sa akin na " huwag mo tong ipa-alam sa iba kung hindi papatayin kita, he...he....he..." Isinuot niya agad ang kanyang pantaas na damit at tumayo para umalis sa aking silid. Kahit nanghihina ay dahan-dahan akong humarap sa salamin. Nagulat ako sa aking nakita.
Magaling naman pala mag-make-up si Itay. Noong gabi na iyon ay nagladlad
ng kapa si Itay. Bakla pala siya. Natuwa ako at mahusay ang kanyang
ginawa. Naisip ko na matutuwa ang aking boyfriend dahil sa ganda ko.
Tinawag ko ulit siya sa akin silid upang magpasalamat Nagyakapan kami doon at nagiyakan.
Masaya na kami ngayon at walang problema.
Yours truly,
BADONG

[astro]

Pareng Galapongie, huwag kang mainip sa kuento ko, eh series ito matatapos ang kuento na ito sa GK. One scene lang at a time,like comics or Liwayway, mayroon pa ba noon ngayon?

Okay, Pareng Ponggie ituloy ko na ang aking kuento. Ang armas ng aking mga alalay kung kasama ko sa inspection ay mga ito, dalawang basoka, dalawang grenade launcher and the remaining ay lahat AK-47, mayroon din akong dala na revolver (45) at naka bullet proof pa. So palaging handa sa labanan. Iyan ang life ko sa Cambodia for more than 3-years hangang magkaroon ng coup. Nandoon ako sa city ng mag coup, pero and scene na ito ay nasa the end portion ng aking kuento.

Okay, ituloy ko na. Isang umaga around 10AM I visited the Asphalt Plant, the Plant was located around 5kms. off the main road we are constructing and about 40Kms. from the City proper.I spent just 30minutes there to check the asphalt laboratory testing and asphalt production.The In-Charge of the Laboratory is a Thailand Engineer and the remaining are local Engineers, so we left the Asphalt Plant and just after 15minutes later after we left the area, the "Pogies" had raided the place taking hostages the Thailand Engineer and some locals for ransom money.With that event, our work was completely at standstill. The negotiation for payment of ransom was made with no good results. It takes at least a month to solve the problem until the Main Contractor paid the ransom money and Thai Engineer was released and went home to Thailand and never comeback again.

Well if I stay there for a while, I don't know what will happen.....I think the story will be different.

Kidd, do you think really Astro is a lucky SOG?

to be continued......Astro

[This message has been edited by astro (edited 08-23-2001).]

[Kidd Sentencia]

Yes, pareng Astro...you are one Lucky SOG!

Son Of God!

Kidd

[astro]

Thanks Kidd, I am thinking of other meaning.
Maybe it is true, kasi here I am making stories about the past that really don't looks good and here we are still kicking. I hope my Pareng Galapongie ay hindi mainip sa short stories ko.

Here is another Kidd and friends, nagkaroon ako ng isang kakilala doon sa place na iyon, Pinoy din na katira sa Saigon, pumunta siya sa Phnom Penh for business trip. Nagkakuentuhan kami sa isang local restaurant with local beer or Thai Beer.Matagal ang kuentuhan namin about life answering all possible questions to each other.This man told me that he was the former pilot of the First Lady, he has business interest in South Vietnam na factory ng armas, any kind of hand weapons sa war. He told me also mayroon siyang nakabaon na kayamanan worth millions of pesos sa Pinas.He told me the approximate place where he burried it. He offerred me to get it and he will give a percentage of it in return but I declined. Millionaire nasa ako mga pards kung pumayag ako. Everytime na pumunta siya sa Phnom Penh tinatawagan niya ako at nag-iinuman kami ng malamig na beer... isa pa nga iyong SMB ang gusto ko. Nakakauhaw talaga mga pards. That time binigyan niya ako ng magnum na revolver at saka AK. So sa opisina ko mayroon doon nakaparada na mga armas, combat ready talaga.
My story about him ends like this.Two months after na umalis ako sa Phnom Penh,I heard a news that one South Vietnam Plane had crashed in Phnom Penh and he was one of the passenger.The end...it was really a trajedy. Oh! sino ba sa inyo ang gustong sumama sa pag hukay ang kayamanan.. Pls. volunteer.


to be continued ...... Astro

[This message has been edited by astro (edited 08-23-2001).]

[mang amboy]

astro,

interesting yong mga kuwento mo kaso bitin nga palagi. ayan ha dalawa na kami ni galapong ang nabibitin sa yo hehehehe...

hukayin mo na yong kayamanan para magkaroon ng bigtime na financer ang cyberfriends.

[Kidd Sentencia]

Walang "Bagong Lipunan" yung mga perang yon kaya No-Good na...hehehe.

Ang tunay na kayamanan ay nasa atin na...ang ating mga mahal sa buhay, ang ating mga kamag-anak (hindi lahat...hehehe), ang ating mga kaibigan, at ang ating mga "good friends" sa CyberFriends...hehehe.

Mahaba yang kuwento ni Astro; huwag kayong mainip...kung naiinip kayo, aba eh kayo naman ang magkuwento...hehehe, biro lang pero kung gusto niyo eh di makikinig din kami.

Kidd

[Sundowner]

Astro puedi ba huawag naman parating bitin ang kuento mo. Pati pag-ehi ko nabibitin na rin..nahawa na rin yata.Ikaw rin baka mag karoon ako ng sakit sa bato. Anyway, very interesting naman ang mga topic mo. Pero sayang tinangihan mo ang offer ng kaibigan mo sana madatong na ang mga Cybers at wala ng problima ang pag finance. Alam mo may kaibigan akong treasure hunter sa Pinas at nag patulong pa nga sa akin para humanap kami ng water pump na gagamitin niya dahil may kalaliman daw yong ibina-on na Gold ni Yamamoto bukod doon sa Golden Buddha. Nabili niya ang pump at naiuwi pero hanggang ngayon ay wala pa akong balita kung tagumpay ang mission niya. Kung yumaman o nag hirap sa ka gagastos. Time for YOKE eh Joke pala. Puro sabit sa Sabongan ang nangyari kay Mr. Macho. Biglang nawawala pag may sabit at lipat sa ibang bayan kung sa-an may sabong. Umabot sa tatlo ang nabiktima niya. Pero may kasabihan na walang baho na hindi ma ngangamoy. O kaya walang utang na hindi bayaran. Ito na, na tiempohan si Mr. Macho sa labas ng Sabongan at papasok pa lamang ng isa sa nabigtima niya ay humarang sa pinto upang singilin siya. Pero ayaw mag bayad at nag mamatigas pa. Dahil sa ina-akala niyang kayang-kaya niya at mas malaki siya, tapos ipinag mamalaki niya na black belt siya sa karate, tinakot itong si biktima. Hinamon ng suntokan ni Mr. Macho, sigi sabi ni Payatot. Akala mo takot ako sa iyo dahil black belt ka. Hoy..5 times winner ito at member ng liquidation team ni Ping Lacson. Nangupiti si Mr. Macho at namutla. Bayad agad siya tapos sabay hirit at baka siya naman ang mabiktima. Tapos ang kuento. Palubog na pala ang araw at mag gagarahi na si Sundowner, kaya hasta la vista. Tapos ang kuento. Galapong no hear from you for almost a week now. When is the celebration sa Chief mo? Kung ayaw mo naman kaming inbitahan ni Abu Ahas, di inbitahin namin ang sarili namin at ako na rin ang taya..

------------------
Sonny

[This message has been edited by Sundowner (edited 08-23-2001).]

[astro]

Como estas mi amigos y amiga (GD). Galapong, Mang Amboy & Sundowner ang kuento raw ay maganda pag may suspense, hindi na mabibili ang kuento natin kung wala noon. Kagaya ng mga series na comics and others palaging mayroon noon. What do you think Mr.Broodcock?
Kailangan ba baguhin ko ang ending para hindi mabitin?

Regarding kayamanan, Kidd is right ang kayamanan ay nasa atin na as Kidd had mentioned. Sa pag huhukay ng kayamanan ni Yama****a ay nagka-experienced na rin ako.Pards ubos na ang puhunan wala pa rin kaming nakita na ginto, kaya sirit na ako diyan sa scene na iyan.Hindi hanapbuhay ang labas, at saka delicado masyado, maraming mata. Kaya ng inalok sa akin ay tumangi agad ako dahil sa experienced ko noon before going abroad.

"Dime poque lloras de filicidad y porque te ahogas por la soledad de porque me tomas fuerte asi mis manos y tus pensamientos te van llevando". Ano ba iyon, Jimbo will translate it for us.

A bientot GK.( this a French word meaning see you soon guys at GK.

Astro

[This message has been edited by astro (edited 08-23-2001).]

[Rattlesnake]

Originally posted by astro:
[B]
"Dime porque lloras de filicidad y porque te ahogas por la soledad de porque me tomas fuerte asi mis manos y tus pensamientos te van llevando". Ano ba iyon, Jimbo will translate it for us.
[B]

Tell me why you cry of happiness and why do you drown in loneliness. Hold my hands tight, my thoughts are with you, and they carry you through.

Bravo! Astro.


------------------
Abu Ahas

[Kidd Sentencia]

Nag-post ako dito kanina ah...nasaan na? Nawalang parang bula, merong multo yata...hehehe.

Anyway, ayos lang yang yugto-yugtong kuwento mo, Astro.

Abu, yan ba ang natututunan mo sa TJ?...hehehe.

Kidd

[Rattlesnake]

hehehe, Kidd, pwede pa ba? Oy bakit wala ka chat, may tupada doon ah.

------------------
Abu Ahas

[astro]

Jimbo, muchas gracias. Como estas?

Jimbo is really good in Spanish. He can teach us more of it in the later date. However, Jimbo I want to know the performance of your brownred. Have you test it already in the pit? What is the score?

Astro

[Kidd Sentencia]

From an email going around...hehehe.

25 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK...

1. It's an incentive to show up
2. It reduces stress
3. It leads to more honest communications
4. It reduces complaints about low pay
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants
to hear
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter
8. It encourages carpooling
9. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't
care
10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work
11. It makes fellow employees look better
12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better
13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted
14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable
15. Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn't so embarrassing
16. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the
bar
17. It makes everyone more open with his or her ideas
18. Everyone agrees the work is better after they've had a couple of
drinks
19. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break
20. Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked
21. It promotes foreign relations with the former Soviet Union
22. The janitor's closet will finally have a use
23. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up
24. Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross"
25. Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common language.

My friend told me he's sending it to his boss right away...hehehe. Thanks Tambak!

Kidd

[Kidd Sentencia]

I'd like to share with you some "funnies" that happened at the chat last night (UK time):

Do you know Kuya Cesar? The "fast-talking" fellow in the Philippine media/entertainment industry. A lunatic said last night "what if Kuya Cesar is your Tagapusta?"
Loooooooo....dieesssssss, isang minuto bago matapos. Aba eh hindi ka na matatalo nito...hehehe, tapos na sultada bago matapos ang isang tawag //sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/lol.gif

Jennifer dropped by and had a little chat with us: GD, Jrtras, RSnake, Babam, Spangle, Rover, Maning, Cockle-doodle-doo, R, and __. I'll let Jrtras add more on that.

Then a "Jenifer" came in also. Huuuuu, jenifer...how are you?...hehehe.
--------
Join us at the chat...around after workday-hours in the East Coast and up to after same at the West...very early in PI. It's all chicken talk and lots of fun...you won't regret it, and may even get hooked to it. Hope it stays though...hehehe.

Kidd

[Rattlesnake]

Originally posted by astro:
Jimbo, muchas gracias. Como estas?

Jimbo is really good in Spanish. He can teach us more of it in the later date. However, Jimbo I want to know the performance of your brownred. Have you test it already in the pit? What is the score?

Astro
Thanks for the compliments Astro, just faking my spanish. Yes, my Brownred breed has been tested in what I consider Big Time level, Copperstate, Yuma Game Club, Qwartsite and Sibulla, all in Arizona. They hold their ground very well that's why they are still in my farm. %wise is about 85 within 15 years. Maybe luck? I don't know...
Cheers



------------------
Abu Ahas

[Sundowner]

Ayos ang translation ni Abu Ahas. Aywan ko sabi ng Nanay ko may dugo naman daw kaming Castella pero hindi ako matutong mag salita ng Spanish. Ang katuthanan nga niyan e passing grade lang parati ang marka ko sa Spanish subject. Anyway, sabi nila noong hawak pa ng Spain ang Pinas, mas masahol daw dahil puro taxition w/o representation daw. At ang mga high officials, pag may nakursunadahan baygay sa taong bayan ay kinukuha na lang by force, pati babae. Kung sa bagay naka buti naman ang resulta at dumami ang mga pang international beauty na mga chicks at mga lalaking pogi. Pero ang pinaka magandang na inherit natin sa kanila ay ang sport na Sabong and of course the Catholic Religion. Kaya lang may mga negative effect din tayong minana sa kanila. Just imagine halos lahat na country (north America in particular) na na enfluence ng mga Spaniards ay hindi rin halos umunlad, dahil corrupt din ang government. Pero, hindi pa rin nawawala ang Sabong sa mga North American nations. Ang kagandahan ng system of government ng Pinas ngayon ay ang tinatawag na "democracy", pero "Banana Republic" pa rin being run by a bounch of brown Monkeys sabi ng mga puti. Anyway, siguro naman balang araw darating din ang wika nga equality, o kahit man lang improvement in quality of life. My opinion. Enroll na lang ako sa Chikoslobakyan language.. he he.

------------------
Sonny

[This message has been edited by Sundowner (edited 08-25-2001).]

[Sundowner]

Time for joke..May dalawang Sabongerong hindi nag kaintindihan sa pustahan at kamuntik ng mag patayan. Kainitan na ng Derby at sunod-sunod ang sultada. Kaliwa't kanan ang pusta ni Tambakol at medyo malaki ang dalang pera pang trabisiya. Kaya lang limang sunod-sunod na sala sa pag pili ng manok. Mapa llamado o mapa dihado ay sala pa rin. Pasok si Talisayin kalaban si Pula. Llamado si Talisayin, kaya bigay logro si Tambakol..sigaw looo diyiss.. Sahod si Talakitok at sampong daliri ang mustrang pa baba, di ten thausand pessos ang diga ni Talakitok kay Tambakol. Kasahan na at lalargahan na ang dalawang manok. Pasok naman itong si Mayari ng Pula at siya ang mag bibitaw.. Porki Big Timer itong may ari ng Pula, at medyo hindi kilala ang may-ari ng Talisayin, biglang nag contra barata ang pustahan. Tranta ngayon si Tambakol at kinakabahan ng husto dahil sa laki ng naipusta. Loo triss..lootriss agad ang sigaw para ma tabla lang ang pusta kay Talisayin. Sahod ngayon ang tropa ni Talakitok at bumaliktad, kay Talisayin naman sila ngayon. Sa madaling salita nag liparan ang dalwang manok at sigawan ang mga ta-o dahil parihong magaling at parihong smart. Nag karindihan ang laban at parihong grabi. Pero porki high breed si Pula at completo sa gamot, imported pa, tumoka muna ng dalwang sunod bago namatay. Si Talisayin naman ay tirik na ang mata noong karyohin ng Sentenciador. Laking tuwa ni Tambakol at may makukobra pa. Dito na nag umpisa ang gulo. Singilan at bayaran na ngayon. Walang alam itong si Talakitok na bumaliktad yong tropa niya at ipinusta yong bakas nila sa Talisayin. Kaya sisisingil nito si Tambakol doon sa unang diga, ayaw pumayag ni Tambakol dahil sumahod ng loo triss ang tropa mo sa akin, dapat bayaran muna nila ako..Ang problima ay talunan din pala ang trupa ni Talakitok at kulang ang ibabayad kay Tambakol. Kaya nagkahamonan ng suntukan. Sigi kung gusto ninyo ng away tutal palaban naman itong hinahamon n'yo. Doon tayo sa labas para hindi ma bulabog ang sabong. Bilis alis palabas si Tambakol at galit na galit. Sunod naman si Talakitok kasama yong dalwa'ng ka-bakas. Pinaligiran si Tambakol at Battle Royal na sana.. Biglang hinto si Tambakol. Sandali lang.. Puedi bang isa-isa lang muna? Kasi anim ka agad kayong mga kalaban ko, hindi naman yata parihas ang laban. Ay naku.. hali na nga kayo at balik na lang tayo sa loob, sabi ni Talkitok. Mabuti pang pumatol ako sa lasing, huwag lang sa taong duling..he.. he.. tapos. Have a nice weekend..


------------------
Sonny

[This message has been edited by Sundowner (edited 08-29-2001).]

[Galapong]

o Astro back to you, ituloy mo na ang kuwento mo..mukhang nag-weekend off ka ah..

Keep em game and fighting

Galapong

[RCERADOY]

Here's one good one mga pare ko.
3 dogs are sitting in the waiting room of
a vet's office.One is a poodle,one is a
schnauzer and the other is a great dane.The
poodle turns to the schnauzer and ask,"Why
are you here?" the schnauzer responds"I'm
17 years old.I don't see or hear well.I've
been having accidents in the house. my owner
said i'm too old and sick so he brought me
here to be put to sleep."The schnauzer asks
the poodle"Why are you here?" the poodle
responds,"I've not been my self lately.I've
been especially high strung.I've been barking
all the time.I've been snapping at people and
I even bit one of the neighbor's kid.Nobody
knows why this has been happening.My owner
says he can't risk me biting somebody else so
he brought me here to be put to sleep."
The poodle and the schnauzer asks the great
dane why he is here. The great dane responds,
"My owner is a beautiful model.Yesterday she
was walking around the house naked when she
suddenly bent down to pick up something she
dropped.She was bent over and naked when
nature took over and the next thing I know,
I've got my paws on her and I'm doing the
doggie thing.I couldn't help my self."
The poodle asks,So your owner brought you
here to be put to sleep?" The great dane
responds,"No,I'm just here to get my nails
trimmed."

'Til next time again......
Parehas

[Rattlesnake]

BACKSEAT DRIVER

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said "Look friend, don't ever do that again. You scared the
daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that an little tap could scare him so much. The driver replied "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."


------------------
Abu Ahas

[Rattlesnake]

Tawa naman diyan!

"Ang Asawa" 1st year masaya. After 5 years tanggalin ang A "sawa na".
After 10 years tanggalin ang S "awa na lang". Sa susunod na taon tanggalin
mong A "wa na!"

Americano umutot: EXCUSE ME!
Pag British naman: PARDON ME!
Pag Espanol: EXCUSAR POR QUE UTUTAR!
Pag Pinoy: Di ako yun! Mamatay na ang umutot

USAPAN NG MATATANDA:
LOLA: make luv tayo
LOLO: sandali lang kukuha ako ng condom
LOLA: ****! di na ako mabubuntis!
LOLO: alam ko GAGA! may rayuma ang lawit ko di pwedi mabasa no!

ATENEO: gosh! i've lost my 8210!
LA SALLE: shocks! where's my 6210!
UST: help me naman, my 3310 is missing!
AMA: okinana, intaray da diay BRICK GAME kO!!!

Lovelines through the years
1950s-Iniirog kita.
1960s-Iniibig kita.
1970s-Minamahal kita.
1980s-I love you.
1990s-Tara sa kwarto.
2000s-Pwede na rito.

MRS: sa palagay mo, mahal, ilang taon na ako?
MR : kung titignan kita sa buhok 18 ka lang; kung nakatalikod 16 lang, kung
sa kutis 22 lang. Bale total ay 56 sweetheart.

SPANISH TRANSLATION
RAPE - puerza a la puerta
RAPE WITH CONSENT - puerza a la puerta con gusto
HONEYMOON - preparazion con todo birada puerta la mama yiha yiha

B1: Bakit lumaki yung paa ni Amy?
B2: Sinipa yung punso!
B1: Bakit lumaki yung nguso ni Fe?
B2: Dinuraan yung punso. O pare saan ka pupunta?
B1: Ihi sa punso!

PERFECT HEAVEN: Having American salary, British home, German car, Chinese food, and Pinay wife!

PERFECT HELL: Having Korean car, British wife, German food, Chinese home and Pinoy salary!




------------------
Abu Ahas

[EAA Indians]

Rattling Abu Ahas....the jokes are true and very funny. Kamusta na. Bumalik na si RA from Pinas. Puede na nating kunin ang Pinion. Tatawag ako. Sa Saturday or Sunday, baka nasa S Diego ako...paki email mo yung home phone mo. Baka mapadaan ako.

[Kidd Sentencia]

SHAKE IT OFF

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into an old well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old and the old well needed to be covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down into the old well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing! He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping-stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!

Shake it off and take a step up!

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less…

Author: unknown...

Kidd

[MattDunne]

A elderly Gent goes to the drug store to fill a perscription for Viagra. He said to the lady "Can you cut them in four please" She said" Why 4 they wont work properly" in which he replied "Girly Im way to old for sexI just want it to stick out far enough so that I Don't pee on my shoes"

[morila abe]

Guys how about this! going to america
SI DAN, TAGA-BICOL

Dumating si Dan sa Amerika sa tulong ng kanyang kumpare na
may kontak sa immigration sa Pilipinas. Medyo tagilid ang papeles niya
akaya masyado siyang
maingat (TNT baga). Ayaw man lang lumabas ng bahay si Dan kung hind kasama ang kanyang kumpare.E, minsan, nagsawa na ang kanyang kumpare sa kaaalalay kanya.Pareng
Dan," sabi ng kumpareng tinatago ang inis, "Heto ang susi ng kotse at
mga credit cards ko. Magshopping ka naman sa Mall para
malibang ka. Kung may problema ka, tawagan mo ako sa telepono.Papasok na ako sa opisina."
Dahil siguro sa hiya ni Dan, kahit nerbiyos na nerbiyos siya, sinubukan niyang lumabas. Tuwang-tuwa si Dan sa pamamasyal sa mall.
Nakapili siya ng mga damit na gusto niya. Ngunit pagdating sa cashier,biglang siyang nataranta at natakot. Tanong ng cashier, "Visa or Master Card?"Karipas si
Dan palabas dahit sa takot! "Aba, hinahanap ang visa ko!Baka nabisto na
ako! Syet!" Sakay kaagad siya sa kanyang kotse, at humarurot.
Kaso, halos wala ng gas ang sasakyan kaya huminto siya sa isang gas station.

Nang maglalagay na siya ng gas, biglang nagsalita ang cashier sa speaker,
"Sir, pay first, please." "Naku, patay! Papers daw!Hinahanap ang papers
ko!" Nagtatakbo si Dan sa mga eski-eskinita hanggang makakita siya ng pay phone. Patago-tago siyang lumapit sa pay phone(hingal)
"Kailangang matawagan ko si kumpare...para masundo niya ako rito" (hingal).Pagtaas niya
ng handle ng telepono, narinig niya, "AT&T how may I help you?" "Aba, anak ng
putakteh, alam na TNT ako! Buking na ako!" Pagbaba niya ngtelepono, mayAmerikanong nakatayo sa likod niya, tanong ba naman, "Are
youdone?" Napahandusay si Dan sa phone booth. Biglang bulalas, "Buray kan ina!,alam
pa ang pangalan ko!" Nagulat ang tisoy, "Hey, be cool, man!"
"Naku! Alam pa kung taga saan ako!"
"Is that your green car parked in the red zone?" Hihimatayin na si Danny
Boy! "Hinahanapan pa ako ng green card"!!!!!
Kaya sa matinding takot, nagpahuli na lang si Dan. Ngayon si Dan ay nasa Bicol na muli at binansagan na "Dan Balikbayan."

OK Ba??? Joke only " tawa naman diyan

[RCERADOY]

Top 14 humors of getting married:

Case 1
Getting married is like going to restaurant
with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has,you wish
you had ordered that.

Case 2
At the cocktail party,one woman said to another,"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring
on the wrong finger?The other replied,"Yes
I am.I married the wrong man.

Case 3
Before a man is married, he is incomplete.
Then when he is married, he is finished.

Case 4
Marriage is an institution in which a man
losses his bachelor's degree and the woman
gets her master status.

Case 5
A little boy asked his father, "daddy, how
much it cost to get married?" The father
replied, "I don't know son,I'm still paying
for it".

Case 6
Young son: "Is it true dad,I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his
wife until he marries her?".
Dad: "That happens in most countries son."

Case 7
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,and then it was too late."

Case 8
A happy marriage is a matter of give
and take;the husband gives the woman takes.

Case9
When a newly married man looks happy, we know
why. But when a ten-year married man looks
happy, we wonder why. Affair??

Case 10
Married life is very frustating.In the first
year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. I the second year, the woman
speaks and the man listens. In the third year
they both speak and the neighbours listen.

Case 11
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,
"You know I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied,"Yes,dear, but I was in love and I didn't notice it."

Case 12
A man inserted an ad in the classified:"Wife
wanted".The next day,he received hundreds of
letters.They all said the same thing,"You can
have mine."

Case 13
When a man opens the door of his car for his
wife,you can be sure of one thing:either the car is new or his wife is new.

Case 14
A woman was telling her friend:"It is I who made my husband a miilionaire."
And what was he before you married him?"
the friend asked.The woman replied,"A
multimillionaire."

Cheers,
Parehas

[This message has been edited by RCERADOY (edited 09-13-2001).]

[This message has been edited by RCERADOY (edited 09-13-2001).]

[admon]

Palaisipan.... I don't have jokes today but I would like to tease your skills folks.

By using the following coins $0.25,$0.10 & $0.01. Problem: total amount should be $5.00 and the total number of coins is 100. Remember there is no five cents here. O post your sagot... albert

[victe]

Let the non-engineers solve this problem. I dont want to spoil the fun//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/biggrin.gif

Hint:

Let X= the no. of 0.25 cents
Y= the no. of 0.10 cents
Z= the no. of 0.01 cents

then:

EQ. 1------ 0.25X + 0.10Y + 0.01Z = 5
EQ. 2------ X + Y + Z = 100

two equations three unknowns!

Hint # 2

use trial and error on the last two equation derived.

O mga Tatay kung di kaya, yung mga Jr. natin kaya nila yan kung di nagmanana sa iyo! he he he//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/biggrin.gif

[victe]

Received from a text message:

Dying man:

A dying man said to his nurse: I want to kiss the Afgan flag before I die!

the nurse replied: I have it tatooed on my butt. The nurse removed her underwear

then the dying man kiss it and he said: Lady turn around so I can also kiss Bin Laden...//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/biggrin.gif

[victe]

Admon,

I was about to give you the answer but I found out that this is a bad joke you send to our friendly cyberfriends, dont you know that you owe those who tried to solve your puzzle in vain? Me, Not much is wasted just about 3 minutes.


How can you satisfy a simplified expression:


24X + 9Y = 400

this is a trial and error approach. You simply tabulate 25x and 9Y by simply assigning 1 to 16 for 25X and 1 to 44 to 9Y then pair them to have exact total of 400.

My apology to cyberfriends for being a part of this.

tsirs!

victe

[astro]

Originally posted by victe:
Admon,

I was about to give you the answer but I found out that this is a bad joke you send to our friendly cyberfriends, dont you know that you owe those who tried to solve your puzzle in vain? Me, Not much is wasted just about 3 minutes.


How can you satisfy a simplified expression:


24X + 9Y = 400

this is a trial and error approach. You simply tabulate 25x and 9Y by simply assigning 1 to 16 for 25X and 1 to 44 to 9Y then pair them to have exact total of 400.

My apology to cyberfriends for being a part of this.

tsirs!

victe

The explanation of Victe's simplified equation are:

a) Multiply EQ. 1 by 100 with resulting equation as: 25x + 10y + z = 500 as EQ.3
b) Equate EQ. 3 and Eq.2 or simply subtract Eq.2 to Eq.3
25x + 10y + Z - 500 = X + Y + Z -100
and the resulting
Equation is 24X + 9Y - 400= 0
OR 24X + 9Y = 400

Astro

[admon]

seriously, I still don't get it. victe, I know you gonna laugh at me but this is my sons homework. Thanks for trying anyway. albert

[This message has been edited by admon (edited 09-27-2001).]

[victe]

Well, Its okay! I am just concern of precious time about to be wasted if I dont stop this one. Very deceiving, looks like solvable but as I have just proven and shown to you, its an ambigeuioueois (SP//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/biggrin.gif)one.

[astro]

Originally posted by victe:


Well, Its okay! I am just concern of precious time about to be wasted if I dont stop this one. Very deceiving, looks like solvable but as I have just proven and shown to you, its an ambigeuioueois (SP //sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/biggrin.gif )one.




[This message has been edited by astro (edited 09-28-2001).]

[admon]

Well guys this is the closest I could get.

0.25 x 2 = .50
0.10 x 39= 3.90
0.01 x 59= 0.59
___ ____
100 $4.99
I don't think there is an exact answer on this.

[This message has been edited by admon (edited 09-28-2001).]

[pennie fabros]

you can't put together odd numbers to get a result of even number using all the four function of math.have a good day

pennie

[Pinolim]

Guys, thank you for the fun and the jokes!!!!

[Maning]

At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.

After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it. After the sex session, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands.

As she comes back the male doctor says, "I bet you are a surgeon".
She confirms and asks how he knew.
"Easy, you're always washing your hands."
She then says, "I bet you're an anesthesiologist."
Male doctor: "Wow, how did you guess?"
Female doctor: "I didn't feel a thing

Baka meron diyan mga anesthesiologist no hard feelings. HEHEHE.

[Pinolim]

When I started working in this hospital, I was the only male employee and it was always an awkward situation working among female co-employees, 19 of us in the department.My accent was still very thick and they accept me for what I am.
We were at our office lounge at lunchtime and everybody was talking about the opera they attended, talking about broadway shows,
talking about the "NUTCRACKER" one of the latest shows. There was one who mentioned"Poetry in Motion" was superb coz one of our officemates was one of the casts.
One of them asked me if I too attends oneof these shows, so I told them I watched the Tagalog version of Poetry in Motion.Then they asked me what was the tagalog version?
To this, I replied " Mga Puwit na kumikilos"
And they said, AAAAAAAhhhhhhh!@!!!!



------------------
4got10cocker

[Kidd Sentencia]

All Souls' Day is coming up (Fiesta ng mga Dedo)...here's one dor 2 dor style:

Registered nurse si Maria sa States. Kasama nya ang kanyang ina na
>nagpagamot
>din doon. Namatay ang ina nito. Dahil sa kamahalan ng pamasahe pabalik
>sa
>Pilipinas, nagtipid si Maria. Pinauwi na lang niya ang kabaong ng
>kanyang ina na
>mag-isa.
>
>Pagdating ng kabaong, napansin ng mga kapamilya niya na dikit ang
>mukha sa
>salamin ng ataul. Nagkomento tuloy and isang anak, "Ay, naku! Tingnan
>mo 'yan...
>hindi sila marunong mag-ayos ng bangkay sa Amerika!"
>
>
>Upang ayusin ang itsura ng bangkay, binuksan ang kabaong. Aba! May
>sulat sa
>dibdid ng ina. Kinuha nila ito at binasa. Ang nilalaman ng liham na
>mula kay
>Maria:
>
>Mahal kong tatay at mga kapatid:
>
>Pasensya na kayo at hindi ko nasamahan ang nanay sa pag-uwi riyan sa
>Pilipinas
>dahil napakamahal ng pamasahe. Ang gastos ko pa lang sa kanya ay
>mahigit $1,000
>na. Ayoko nang isipin pa ang eksaktong halaga. Anyway, ipinadala ko
>kasama ni
>nanay ang mga sumusunod... Nasa likod ni nanay ang dalawampu't apat na
>karnenorte. And adidas na suot ni nanay ay para kay tatay. Ang limang
>pares ng
>de-goma ay nasa loob ng dalawang asul na Jansport na backpack na
>inuunan ni
>nanay. Tig-iisa kayo.
>
>Ang iba't-ibang klase ng tsokolate at candy ay nasa puetan ni nanay.
>Para sa mga
>bata ito. Bahala na kayong magparte-parte. Sana'y hindi matunaw ang
>mga ito.
>
>Ang pokemon stuffed toy na yapos-yapos ni nanay ay para sa bunso ni
>ate. Gift ko
>sa first birthday ng bata. Ang itim na Esprit bag ay para kay Nene,
>Ate, nasa
>loob ng bag ang pictures ni inay, japanese version ng pokemon trading
>cards at
>stickers.
>
>Suot ni nanay ang tatlong Ralph Lauren, apat na Gap at dalawang Old
>Navy
>t-shirts. Ang isa ay para kay Kuya at tig-iisa ang mga pamangkin ko.
>Maisusuot
>ninyo ang mga iyan sa fiesta.
>
>Suot din ni inay ang anim na panty hose at tatlong warmer para sa mga
>dalaga
>kong pamangkin. Isuot nyo sa party.
>
>May isang dosenang NBA caps sa may paanan ni nanay. Para sa inyo,
>itay, kuya,
>dikong, Tiyo Romy. Bigyan nyo na rin ng tig-isa 'yung mga pamangkin ko
>at 'yong
>isa ay kay Pareng Tulume.
>
>Ang tigdadalawang pares ng Nike wristband at knee caps na suot-suot
>din ni nanay
>ay para sa mga anak mo, diko, na nagbabasketball.
>
>Tigdadalawang ream ng Marlboro green at Winston lights ang nasa
>pagitan ng mga
>hita ni nanay.
>
>Apat na jar ng Skippy Peanut Butter, dalawang dishwashing liquid,
>isang Kiwi
>glass cleaner at tig-aanim na Colgate at Aqua Fresh ang nakasiksik sa
>kilikili
>ni nanay. Hati-hati na kayo, huwag mag-aagawan.
>
>Isang dosenang Wonder bra na gustong-gusto ni Tiya Iska, suot-suot din
>ni nanay.
>Alam kong inaasam-asam nyo 'yan, tiya.
>
>Ang Rolex na bilin-bilin mo tatay, suot-suot ni nanay. Kunin mo agad,
>tatay.
>
>Ang hikaw, singsing at kuwintas (na may nakakabit pang anim na nail
>cutters) na
>gustong-gusto mo, ditse, ay suot-suot din ni nanay. Kunin mo na rin
>agad, ditse.
>
>Isang Ray Ban ladies sunglass na pabirthday ko kay Ninang Berta, hindi
>ko ba
>pinasuot kay nanay. Isiniksik ko na lang sa may bandang ulunan ni
>nanay. Nasa
>pink na plastik na maliit.
>
>Mga Chanel at Champion na medyas, suot-suot din ni nanay. Tig-iisa
>kayo, mga
>pamangkin ko.
>
>Mga pampers, panty liners, cotton buds, cotton balls, table napkins at
>mga
>scotch brite na may foam ay natatakpan ng mga puting bath
>towels...'yon bale ang
>pinangkutson ko sa kabaong ni nanay. Marami-rami rin iyon. Parte-parte
>rin kayo.
>
>Marami pa akong ipinagsisiksik kung saan-saang parte gaya ng cafe,
>coffee
>creamer, ilang vienna sausage na de lata, barbie dolls, toothbrush,
>paper cups,
>plastic spoon and pork, paper at styro foam plates, perfume, cologne,
>ballpens,
>stationeries, envelopes, bar soaps,match box toys, used t-shirts, hand
>towels,
>CD. VHS tapes, padlock, tools gaya ng screw driver, plais, long nose,
>atbp. Na
>hindi ko na na-itemize dahil nagmamadali ako.
>
>Marami pa sana akong ipaglalalagay kaya lang, baka mag-excess at si
>nanay pa ang
>maiwan.
>
>Basta parte-parte kayo, tatay, kuya, ate, dikong, ditse. Para sa inyo
>lahat ito.
>
>Bahala na kayo kay nanay. Pamimisahan ko na lang siya rito. Balitaan
>ninyo na
>lang ako pagkatapos ng libing.
>
>Paki-double check ang lista kung walang nawala sa mga ipinadala ko.
>
>
>Nagmamahal,
>
>Maria
>
>
>P.S. Pakibihisan ninyo agad si Nanay!
**

[Sundowner]

Good post Kidd, isa pa nga para sa long Weekend.

Zhee...irs,

------------------
Sonny

[RCERADOY]

Pareng Kidd,
Saan mo nahukay na libingan itong kwento mo?
Okey pare,tanong nga ng tanong itong mga puti
kong kasama sa trabaho at ngisi ako ng
ngisi habang binabasa ko ang joke mo...
Cheers,
Parehas

[Maning]

This woman consulted a doctor, explaining that for many years she sufferred from excessive farting, but there was never any sound or smell so she had done nothing about it. So the Doctor took down all of her medical history, a process that took quite a while.
At the end, the woman says, "You see, Doctor, while I've been sitting here talking to you I've broken wind five times, but there's no sound and no smell."

At this point, the Doctor scribbled something on a pad, ripped off a sheet and handed it to the woman. "What's this?" she asked, "some pills?"

"No", replied the Doctor, "that is a prescription for a hearing aid; come in next week, and we will operate on your nose."

[admon]

This happened in the former office of G.Bush.

An old lady ride in the elevator and asked one the young lady. Hmmm what perpume is that? The young lady replied "that's channel $110 per oz." then another floor up she asked another lady the same question and this lady said " that's Oscar de Laurenta" $120 per oz. then when the old lady reached her floor, she stepped out of the elevator and bend and made a big fart! and said "that's broccoli 0.45 cents per pound!

[Pinolim]

Kidd naman, pati ba patay eh isasangkot mo pa sa kabulastugan!!! Pag nagbangon iyong patay, ikaw ang unang hahawakan noon.
I enjoyed reading that one, kid!!! Typical Pinoy!!! Sariling atin!!!

------------------
4got10cocker

[Kidd Sentencia]

Sundowner, Parehas & Pinolim, hehehe...siempre pasa lang sa akin yan; pasa din sa mga good-humored CFs...hehehe.

Kidd

[This message has been edited by Kidd Sentencia (edited 10-07-2001).]

[Oplod]

Noong Vice-Presidente palang si Erap, ay nag attend ng isang ball. Noong masaya na ang sayawan, may isang napuna si Erap na naka luminous white gown ay hindi sumasayaw. "shall we dance?" tanong ni Erap. "hindi ako sumasayaw" ang sagot. "sige na! hindi mo ako kilala?". Bigyan kita ng tatlong reason bakit hindi ako sasayaw:
una talagang hindi ako sasayaw.
ikalawa lasing ka na
ikatlo-hindi mo ako kilala- si Cardinal Sin.

-Oplod-

[Pinolim]

In the days of not so long ago,future Doctors after taking the medical board exams are required to serve a 6 month rural community service stint. In one the departmental rotations, this future doctor was in family planning and was explaining to the couple Delfin &NOra about contraception and child spacing.One of the gov't. supplies was a spermicidal ointment rubbed to the erect penis before lovemaking.This future Doctor was explaining in Tagalog(mahirap ang Englis sa bayan)"Bago kayo mag kuwan(parang vulgar naman daw kung sabihin niyang can2t), ipahid mo ito sa kanyang nakatayong....(vulgar naman kung sabihin nyang TT) ipahid sa kanyang Organ, ipahid mo nang maigi, sabi niya kay NOra." Tinanong silang dalawa NOra at Delfin kung naintindihan, sabi nila"Oo, madali lang naman pala angfamilyplanning,eh,ipahid lang sa organ."4months after malaki na ang tiyan ni Nora, balik kay Doctor, sinisisi si Doctor na walang epek ang gamot, nabuntis siya, sa mantalang sinunod naman nila ang instruction.
Tanong ni Doctor" nakatayo ba ang organ nang ipahid mo?" Sabi ni Nora, " Aba Oo, palagi namang nakatayo, eh, kaya lang nang panahong
iyon wala pa kaming Organ, kaya sa Piano ko pinapahid. Nang may Organ na kami sa organ ko naman pinapahid."
Ano ba ang pagkakamali, Doctor???

------------------
4got10cocker

[BattleGear]

Kicking The Chickens
>
> Little Johnny was playing in the farm yard one morning.
>
> The chickens were out running around, and getting in Little Johnny's
> way. In
> a temper tantrum he started running after them and kicking them. His
> mother caught him kicking the chickens, and said, "That's it! No eggs
> for you for one month!"
>
> Later that afternoon, Johnny was playing in the pasture, and soon
> started chasing the cattle and kicking them with his feet. His mother
> again caught him, and after a brief moment of thought, said, "No milk
> for you for one month!"
>
> Early that evening, Johnny's mother was cooking dinner in the kitchen
> when his father came in from the barn. As he closed the door the
> barnyard *****cat slipped into the kitchen. Johnny's father gave the cat a
> kick back outside.
>
> Little Johnny looked at his mother and said "Are you going to tell him,
> Mommy, or do you want me to?"

[Kidd Sentencia]

Good one, BG...masakit na parusa yan...kawawa si mariang P!

hehehe,

Kidd

[silverado]

si KID ikinasal,ang BESTMAN yung kapatid.after a month nagkita sila nung kapatid niya.tanong ng kapatid:kumusta ang bagong kasal bata?sagot ni KID:masyadong inosente ang aking napangasawa dahil unan lang hindi alam gamitin.bakit?tanong ng kapatid.sagot ni KID:eh sa puwet nilalagay yung unan!KID,ikaw pala ang inosente!hahaha!

[Kidd Sentencia]

I know this is a waste of my time, but Silverado is very laughable...a big joke himself. Look what he is trying to do...hahaha!

Kidd

[silverado]

KID, hindi lang ako ang gumagawa nito sa iyo nito kundi si prophet,jet and wannabecocker.four out of four ain't bad my man.now,i know you're goin to say next that we are just one person with different handle.i believe you the first time you use that argument but not anymore.i know the truth already!

[Kidd Sentencia]

eh anong mga pangalan ninyo? hehehe...

Kidd

[astro]

Hello, I am here again medyo nakatulog si Astro sa pansitan kaya nawala sa scene for some time. Nice mga kueto and jokes as shown above. May short kuento is about my Lolo Bosyo during his teens na mahilig magdalo ng party, sayawan sa kasalan at fiesta sa Probinsya. Okay simulan ko na and kuento " One scene sa isang sayawan sa isang fieta ng Baryo San Roue sa probinsya si Lolo ay nagdalo para makipagsayaw ay siempre para mag-spat ng isang damags na tsikas. Ang kanyang sout na damig ay puting pantaloon na bagong planza, so kitang kita ang plegis. Sa kalagignaan ng sayawan si Lolo Bosyo ay mayroon natipuan na isang dalagingding na damags at isinayaw niya ito. So sarap ang sayaw ni Lolo sa tsikas na type niya na sweet pa naman ang tugtog ng Orchestra. Bago matapos ang sayaw nila mayroon dalwang aso na naghabulan at papunta sa lugar ni Lolo ang asong hinahabol, iyon pala ay kayang alaga na sumunod sa kanya pero ang kaso putikan ang aso na iyon at naputikan ang kanyang pantaloon na puti. Sa galit ay nag-mura siya na di niya mapigilan, para masindak niya ang tsikas na kasayaw niya ay nag-ingles siya ng ganiri " Gaddimet that asosasyon bangabol my pantality" Gulat si tsikas ang galing pala ni Lolo ng English. Kaso nagtawanan ang mga tao sa sawayan sa English ni Lolo. Tanong ng Tsikas kay Lolo, bakit sila nagtatawanan? Sabi ni Lolo siguro hindi nila naintindihan ang English kasi malalim iyon.Bakit tanong ng Tsikas. Kasi wala sa dictionary iyon. Hehehehe. Kidd, Oplod,Parehas,Llamadista and CFs kayo naman.

Astro

[felisa]

Hello my friends, Peace and fun. I don't if somebody did this one already for i lost this joke and i just recovered it last night. Just bear with it plis. talagang ilongo gid. Ok ready set. A priest lost his pet rooster and couldn't fint it no lmatterhow many times he checked around his Parish. Frustrated, he decided to bring it up during his Sunday mass. From the pulpit, he asked loudly, "Anyone got a cock?" All the men inside the Church stood up! "No, I mean, has anyone seen a cock?" All the women inside the Church stood yp. "No, no no what i mean is ... has anyone senn MY cock?" All the nuns stood up! Again peace, and let us all be cockers and stay game. thanks.

[Kidd Sentencia]

Some sensored...hehehe, grin and beer it!

1. What is the leading cause of death with
lesbians?
Answer: Hair balls.
2. What can Life Savers do that men cannot?
Answer: Come in five flavors
3.
4. Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Answer: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork
5.
6.
7. How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh?
Answer: By sticking your finger in his honey
8. What is the ultimate rejection?
Answer: When your mas___bating and your hand falls asleep
9. What did Bill Clinton say to Monica?
Answer: I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election.
10. What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
Answer: Both can smell it but can't eat it
11. What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
Answer: A b___ job with handle bars
12. What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates?
Answer: A mobile sperm bank.
13.
14.
15. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
Answer: A cherry float.
16. What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
Answer: Beat IT - we're closed.
18. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
Answer: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
19. What's the difference between sin and shame?
Answer: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
20. What's the speed limit of sex?
Answer: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
21. Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
Answer: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"
22. Why is air a lot like sex?
Answer: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
24. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
Answer: He heard the snow blower coming.
25. Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?
Answer: She's withholding evidence
26. What's the difference between light and hard?
Answer. You can sleep with a light on.
27. Why do women rub their eyes when they get out of bed?
Answer: Because they don't have balls to scratch.
29. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
Answer: Their balls are just for decoration.

[RCERADOY]

Why I fired my secretary....
Last month was my 45th birthday, and I was'nt
feeling too hot that morning anyway.I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant
and say "Happy Birthday",and probably have
a present for me.She did'nt even say "Good
Morning",let alone any "Happy Birthday,
well that's wives for you.The children will
will remember.
The children came into breakfast and did'nt said a word.When I started for the office I
was feeling pretty low and despondent.
As I walk into my office, my secretary,Janet
said"Good morning Boss,happy birthday."And I
felt better,someone had remembered.I worked
until noon.Then,Janet knocked on my door and
said,"You know,it's such a beautiful day
outside and it's your birthday,let's go to
lunch,just you and me."I said,"By George,
that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
Let's go."
We went to lunch.We did'nt go where we
normally go.We went out into a country to a
little private place.We had two martinis and
enjojed lunch tremendously.
On the way back to the office,she said,"You
know,it's such a beautiful day.We don't need
to go back to the office,do we?" I said, "No,
I guess not.She said,"Let's go to my
apartment."
After arriving at her apartment she said,
"Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go
into the bedroom and slip into something
more comfortable." "Sure,"I excitedly reply.
She went into the bedroom and in about six
minutes,she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife children and dozen
of our friends.All were singing Happy
Birthday...and there on the couch I sat....
naked.

[Kidd Sentencia]

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Ladin and Uncle Sam are out
walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops
out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, that's three wishes total,"
says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will
also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a
blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile
for farming.

Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around
Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious
state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall
around Afghanistan.

"Uncle Sam" , asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick
and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out---virtually
impenetrable."

"Uncle Sam" says, "Fill it with water."

[pennie fabros]

TAGLISH IN DIE
thing none knew see in die, who bought who bad, the hill key none thought see in die, last fog see in die.

thing none knew see who one,tea knee tea gas sun, the hill see in die, who bought who bad,bull bull eye money piece.

in knee love as knee who one, dean act money ni in die, key knee league see who one, the hill be not tea knee in die, knee love as sun see who one, bee thin see in die.

kanta ni whitney houston - in die ng buhay ko



[This message has been edited by pennie fabros (edited 10-29-2001).]

[Kidd Sentencia]

pennie thaw wham oh act oh...hehehe!

Kidd

[victe]

Par rung A mere can No? , nagging peel leap pin no! Put rug geese! //sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Kidd Sentencia]

Guy a Guy a beak tea...peer oh a youse dean...hehehe.

Kidd

[victe]

See Thee Pea Key Bee, Big Guy dean not tin me writ 4 moose pause! //sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/biggrin.gif

[This message has been edited by victe (edited 10-31-2001).]

[Sundowner]

Street boy asked for some loose change to the tourist guy to buy food. The guy said I dont have no money to give you, bum... The boy answered, I am not a bum igot, madapa ka sana. The guy got irritated. What you say, I a not a ma ta pa ker either.
Cheer,
Sony

------------------
Sonny

[Rattlesnake]

wats gowing on hir? I hab a hard tayem ander standing di in inlis hir. wil samwan spil dis awot por mi? wats ap posi cat waw waw waw.

------------------
Abu Ahas

[Blackwing]

Q: How do you break up a terrorist bingo game?
A: Call out B-1 or B-52.

[victe]

According to them, Its now known at last the ever elusive name of the wife of Uncle Sam. Her name is Aunt trax of afghan origin.

[Blackwing]

Bisayan joke...

DOM : Day tan-aw ta ug sine
Waitres : Dili ko kay mangalabit man ka
DOM : Dili lagi
Waitress : Dili ko kay manguhit man ka
DOM : Dili lagi
Waitress : Dili ko kay manghalok man ka
DOM : Dili lagi
Waitress: Dili ko kay mubira ka man ug bra
DOM : Dili lagi
Waitress : Dili ko kay mukuha ka ug panty
DOM : Dili lagi
Waitress : Dili ko kay mo-rape man ka
DOM : Dili lagi
Waitress : Ah dili ka ikaw na lang usa tan-aw ug sine!! Unsa may aton buhaton kung dili ka!! //sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/lol.gif

[victe]

Bisayan joke pud:

a Cebuano called her Surigaonon relative which is coming to Cebu via sea trip:

Unsa mang Barko imong sakyan ugma?

the surtigaonon replied:

Inday uno!

The poor Cebuano watch and waited for arrival of vessels mark Inday 1 //sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/biggrin.gif Lisud sabton?

[Sundowner]

What are President Bush and Ben Laden have in common? Both of them share the role of childrens' favorate game, called Hide and Seek. Ben Laden is so desperate looking for safe santuary, while Presedent Bush is so anxious to accomplish his ultimate mission to Search And Destroy..

Cheers,


------------------
Sonny



[This message has been edited by Sundowner (edited 11-10-2001).]

[Kidd Sentencia]

http://www.policeguide.com/cgi-bin/criminal-search

[Kidd Sentencia]

http://www.garyalves.com/statue.htm

[Sundowner]

An army soldier from northern PI voluntered for Afghan duty to fight against the Taliban. On the first encounter, his gun misfired. He uttered to his friend, o k na na.. I examined the chamber.. awan ti bala..but when I squeeze the triger nag bong ko na na... Okinam Talibans, nag takbuhan ayaw ng lumaban.

Cheers,

------------------
Sonny



[This message has been edited by Sundowner (edited 11-16-2001).]

[Kidd Sentencia]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with
flyswatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded.
Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females", he replied. Intrigued,
she asked. "How can you tell?"
"3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone".

NO OFFENSE, just jokes!

Sent at my Risk!
FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE-BASHING JOKES

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
----------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to support you.
----------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand
closer to the kitchen sink.
----------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
----------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
----------------------------------------
Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.
----------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
----------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
--------------------------------------
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
----------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.
---------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------------------------
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
----------------------------------------
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
----------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God
created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor
Man has rested.
------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
----------------------------------------
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive
and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
----------------------------------------
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
----------------------------------------
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all
said the same thing: "You can have mine."
----------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
it once.
----------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

[el umbre]

lmao!,puro na hangin ang tiyan ko sa katatawa sa inyong mga pinadalang juks!,well done my prens!

[Kidd Sentencia]

Good Advice From Kidds

> > "Never trust a dog to watch your food."
> > -Patrick, age 10
> >
> > "When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?' Don't answer."
> > -Hannah, age 9
> >
> > Never tell your Mom her diet's not working."
> > -Michael, age 14
> >
> > "Stay away from prunes."
> > -Randy, age 9
> >
> > "Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to."
> > -Emily, age 10
> >
> > "When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair."
> > -Taylia, age 11
> >
> > "Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school
> > assignment."
> > -Traci, age 14
> >
> > "A puppy always has bad breath-even after eating a Tic-Tac."
> > - Andrew, age 9
> >
> > "Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time."
> > - Kyoyo, age 11
> >
> > "You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk."
> > -Amir, age 9
> >
> > "Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts."
> > -Kellie, age 11
> >
> > "If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse."
> > -Naomi, age 15
> >
> > "Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick."
> > -Lauren, age 9
> >
> > "Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat."
> > -Joel, age 10
> >
> > "When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she's on
>the
> > phone."
> > -Alyesha, age 13
> >
> > "Never try to baptize a cat."
> > -Eileen, age 8
> >

[Kidd Sentencia]

You know you're a redneck when ...

You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.
Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You've bathed with flea and tick soap.
You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
You can spit without opening your mouth.
You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.
You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.
Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
You thought the Uni-bomber was a wrestler.
You've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.
Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvement.
You've used a toilet brush as a back-scratcher.
You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.

[Kidd Sentencia]

http://www.inq7.net/nat/2001/nov/28/nat_3-1.htm

one-less big crook, este, big financer out of the circuit for a while...a long while, looks like it...hehehe.

Kidd

[Kidd Sentencia]

Just copied this exactly it was:

Patients

> Jim and Mary were both patients in a mental hospital. One
> > > > day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,
> > > > Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the
> > > > bottom of the pool and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in
> > > > to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
> > > > When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act
> > > > he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the
> > > > hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.
> > > > When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have
> > > > good news and bad news. The good news is you're being
> > > > discharged because since you were able to jump in and save
> > > > the life of another patient, I think you've regained your
> > > > senses.
> > > > The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself
> > > > with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but
> > > > he's dead."
> > > > Mary replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to
> > > > dry."

//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/lol.gif

Kidd

[Rattlesnake]

LETTER FROM GRANDMA

"Got a letter from Grandma the other day, She writes....

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed!
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is... and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!
Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, Go!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. Then I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never
met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing... why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection, I noticed I was the only car that got through the
intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!"

Grandma


------------------
Abu Ahas

[Rattlesnake]

This is not Funny but I would like to share this to everyone..

Just Checking In

A minister passing through his church
In the middle of the day,
Decided to pause by the altar
And see who had come to pray.

Just then the back door opened,
a man came down the aisle,
The minister frowned as he saw
The man hadn't shaved in a while.

His shirt was kinda shabby,
And his coat was worn and frayed,
The man knelt, he bowed his head,
Then rose and walked away.

In the days that followed,
Each noontime came this chap,
Each time he knelt just for a moment,
a lunch pail in his lap.

Well, the minister's suspicions grew,
With robbery a main fear,
He decided to stop the man and ask him,
"What are you doing here?"

The old man said, he worked down the road.
Lunch was half an hour.
Lunchtime was his prayer time,
For finding strength and power.

"I stay only moments, see,
Because the factory is so far away;
As I kneel here talking to the Lord,
This is kinda what I say:

"I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, LORD,
HOW HAPPY I'VE BEEN,
SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHER'S FRIENDSHIP
AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN.

DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY, BUT I
THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY.
SO, JESUS, THIS IS JIM CHECKING IN TODAY."

The minister feeling foolish,
Told Jim, that was fine.
He told the man he was welcome
to come and pray just anytime.

Time to go, Jim smiled, said
"Thanks." He hurried to the door.
The minister knelt at the altar,
He’d never done it before.

His cold heart melted, warmed with love,
And met with Jesus there.
As the tears flowed, in his heart,
He repeated old Jim's prayer:

"I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, LORD,
HOW HAPPY I'VE BEEN,
SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHER'S FRIENDSHIP
AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN.

I DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY, BUT I
THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY.
SO, JESUS, THIS IS ME CHECKING IN TODAY."

Past noon one day, the minister noticed
That old Jim hadn't come.
As more days passed without Jim,
he began to worry some.

At the factory, he asked about him,
Learning he was ill.
The hospital staff was worried,
But he'd given them a thrill.

The week that Jim was with them,
Brought changes in the ward.
His smiles, a joy contagious.
Changed people, were his rewards.

The head nurse couldn't understand
Why Jim was so glad,
When no flowers, calls or cards came,
Not a visitor he had.

The minister stayed by his bed,
he voiced the nurse's concern:
No friends came to show they cared.
He had nowhere to turn.

Looking surprised, old Jim spoke up
and with a winsome smile;
"the nurse is wrong, she couldn't know,
that in here all the while

Everyday at noon He's here,
a dear friend of mine, you see,
He sits right down, takes my hand,
Leans over and says to me:

"I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, JIM,
HOW HAPPY I HAVE BEEN,

SINCE WE FOUND THIS FRIENDSHIP,
AND I TOOK AWAY YOUR SIN.

ALWAYS LOVE TO HEAR YOU PRAY,
I THINK ABOUT YOU EACH DAY,

AND SO JIM, THIS IS JESUS
CHECKING IN TODAY."

May God hold you in the palm of His hand
and Angels watch over you.

Author Unknown


------------------
Abu Ahas

[EAA Indians]

Rattlesnake+ Abu Sarap.........Very good story partner....When are you going up north towards RA? Maybe I can meet you there for you to pick up the cock.

[Kidd Sentencia]

Jim, not the one at the Mandaluyong-loob, hehehe, I like the two you just posted...one is touching indeed.

Lest I get branded a religious freak or aligned with Mike "money" V (he's a fake), you know even on our CF songs...the REAL BOSS was mentioned there--Jesus is Just Alright With Me! But, the best place to put him is in one's heart...let's give it always a shot.

good stories, aro!

Kidd

[This message has been edited by Kidd Sentencia (edited 11-30-2001).]

[edwin]

Originally posted by Rattlesnake:
LETTER FROM GRANDMA

"Got a letter from Grandma the other day, She writes....

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed!
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is... and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!
Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, Go!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. Then I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never
met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing... why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection, I noticed I was the only car that got through the
intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!"

Grandma




*****GOOD ONE ABU *****
To have a good friend is one of the highest delights of life;to be a good friend is one of the noblest and most difficult undertakings.
tambak1

[Rattlesnake]

Originally posted by EAA Indians:
Rattlesnake+ Abu Sarap.........Very good story partner....When are you going up north towards RA? Maybe I can meet you there for you to pick up the cock.

TY, Ed, I don't think I'll be going north, any delivery... I'll just hand then to Mando, it's closer. Don't you have plans coming this way? That might be the best..
nice to hear from you again

Kidd, as a sabungero... there's only one kristo for me, he doesn't cheat me either.

Edwin, indeed my friend... indeed
------------------
Abu Ahas

[This message has been edited by Rattlesnake (edited 12-01-2001).]

[EAA Indians]

Jim....Rattlesnake..please email me your cell and home phone nos. to eaaindians@hotmail.com for Sunday trip to SD. I sent you an email message to alpine email address for the details. Okidoki Abu Sarap!

[el umbre]

dir pren jim, you are da bes, mey pren...lol!more...more!

[Rattlesnake]

Just a thought;

Steps to Happiness Everybody Knows:
You can't be all things to all people.
You can't do all things at once.
You can't do all things equally well.
You can't do all things better than everyone else.
Your humanity is showing just like everyone else's.

So:
You have to find out who you are, and be that.
You have to decide what comes first, and do that.
You have to discover your strengths, and use them.
You have to learn not to compete with others,
Because no one else is in the contest of *being *you.

Then:
You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness.
You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions.
You will have learned to live with your limitations.
You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due.
And you'll be a most vital mortal.

Dare To Believe:
That you are a wonderful, unique person.
That you are a once-in-all-history event.
That it's more than a right, it's your duty, to be who you are.
That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift to cherish.
And you'll be able to stay one up on what used to get you down.



------------------
Abu Ahas

[Pinolim]

Rattlesnake, that is a very good one!! Just as good as Desiderata, a poem of life and about life.
Thank you for sharing!!!!

------------------
4got10cocker

[Rattlesnake]

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic
tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was querying as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well,it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule."We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said,"That's once."We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said," That's twice. "We hadn't gone a half mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her pocket and shot him. I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, "That's once"


------------------
Abu Ahas

[edwin]

Abu,
He-he-he-he,When they nagged it's just fine.
Could you imagine if all sabungero wives carry their revolvers and we always ask them for our sabong money cause you always talo.What next?burial lol!!!
tambak1

[Rattlesnake]

I say silently, "Edwin, that's once" lol

------------------
Abu Ahas

[Harimanok]

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.
"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "How many women have you slept with?"

"Baby, " he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit." Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

"Okay," he said, then started to count on his fingers "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen . . .

[Kidd Sentencia]

Erap demanded access to media/news from his holding place. The authorities gave him an AM Radio, putris kayo, he said...paano sa gabi, eh di wala rin itong silbi!

hehehe,

Kidd

[Harimanok]

"Erap's Joke"

At a restaurant, after motioning with his hands several times to a waitress to get her attention, Erap complains to the manager. "I've been fingering your waitress for a long time already, but she does not come."

[Sundowner]

Harimanok, to sweetin the story.. after dinner Erap ask for the check. Much for his surprised he never expect a huge amount, so he ask the waitress why it is so enormous..I mean too expensive..Sir, replied the waitress, you are paying for the ambiance atmosphere, this is Hotel Del Coronado. Without hesitation, he ask his entourage, who among of you ordered an ambiance atmosphere.. me sir..me too sir, me three sir, the last guy said I don't know I just eat New York Steak sir, it taste good. Next time you have to let me know what you order..pa steak steak pa kayo samantalang ako ay roll taco lang..

Cheers,


------------------
Sonny

[edwin]

Hello Guys,
I thought he paid too much for that ambience
and para masulit ay he ordered another ambience to go he-he-he.
tambak1

[Rattlesnake]

Story from a Boss...check this out;

Why I Fired My Secretary...

Last month was my 42nd birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway.

I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me. She Didn’t even say "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday, "I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember."

The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, "Good Morning Boss, Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better, someone had remembered.

I worked until noon. Then, Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go. We went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis an enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable." "Sure," I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends. All were singing Happy Birthday...
and there on the couch I sat... naked.

Paktay si camote..


------------------
Abu Ahas

[jlbs72]

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. This is what they came up with.


Better to be safe than.............to punch a 5th grader.

Never underestimate the power of............termites.

You can lead a horse to water but...............how?

Don't bite the hand that..................looks dirty.





A miss is as good as a..........................Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new..............math.

If you lie down with dogs, you'll......stink in the morning.

Love all,
trust........................................me.







The pen is mightier than the...................pigs.

An idle mind is...............................the best way to relax.

Where there's smoke
there's..................pollution.


Happy the bride who.........................gets all the gifts.






A penny saved is...................................not much.

Two's company, three's...................the
Musketeers.


Don't put off till tomorrow what...you put on to go to bed.

None are so blind
as.............................Stevie Wonder.










Children should be seen and not.....spanked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed...............get new batteries.

When the blind leadeth the blind.......get out of the way.

Better late than............................pregnant.

[Rattlesnake]

Joel, cool, very funny. now lets reverse the mode... This might be a little late in the season, but I would like to share with you one of my collections... another school environment... To all parents, her is your daughter...

Her hair up in a pony tail,
her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;
she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates,
on this Daddy's Day.

But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school,
eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees,
a dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back,
for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats.

One by one the teacher called,
a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.
Each of them were searching,
for a man who wasn't there.

"Where's her daddy at?"
she heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her,
as she smiled at her friends.
and looked back at her teacher,
who told her to begin.

And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique.

"My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could,
be with me on this day.

And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories,
he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him,
I'm not standing all alone.

'Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
he'll forever be here in my heart"

With that her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love,
of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.

"I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
and if he could he'd be here,
but heaven's just too far.

But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes,
and saw him there that day.

And to her mother's amazement,
she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
all starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
they saw him at her side.

"I know you're with me Daddy,"
to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there placed on her desktop,
was a beautiful fragrant pink rose.

and a child was blessed, if only a moment,
by the love of her shining bright star.
And given the gift of believing,
that heaven is never too far.


------------------
Abu Ahas

[Harimanok]

Erap's Joke,

In hotel restaurant, after finishing the main course at a dinner meeting, Erap is asked if he would like another serving. Erap replies politely: "No thank you, I'm fed up already".

[This message has been edited by Harimanok (edited 12-11-2001).]

[victe]

Palimos po!

Palimos po sa bulag...


Isang bulag ang nagpapalimos sa labasan ng sabungan. Nagbabasakaling mas kikita sa sabungan quesa simbahan pag araw ng linggo.

Patawad! talo po ako... ang palaging sagot ng mga papalabas sa sabungan.

Pagkalipas ng isang oras, hindi na nakatiis ang bulag at nagtanong sa mga bantay ng labasan: mama, ale, saan po ba ang labasan ng mga nananalo?//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/biggrin.gif

ZODIAC SIGN...


Si Gloria Labandera nagpuntang disco at nakilala si erap. Dahil sa kaguapuhan at ka cute-tan ni erap. Nakapalagayan niya ito ng loob. Tanong agad si erap:

Erap: Anong zodiac sign mo?

Gloria: Anong zodiac sign?

Erap: Zodiac sign..... yung kwan.... gaya ko Cancer.

Gloria: Ahhh... yun ba! Ako almoranas!//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Kidd Sentencia]

Pareng El Umbre, nawala na yung forum mo...esta espanyol. Kaya dito na lang natin ilagay: Esta bien la kuryente, batikulen oke!

The CF Flag is complicated...the design; well, truly representation of what it represents...hehehe.

Tawa muna tayo...//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/lol.gif

Kidd

[This message has been edited by Kidd Sentencia (edited 12-13-2001).]

[Sundowner]

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then finally dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch the wall!"

Cheers,


------------------
Sonny

[jlbs72]

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:
Man: What's the problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Peter. You were going 80.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Peter, you've known about that tail light for weeks.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Peter, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut your mouth, woman!
Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when he's drunk!

[Kidd Sentencia]

A Taliban Army platoon was on patrol when the commander noticed a lone Air Force Chief standing on a hilltop in their area. The commander told two of his soldiers to go take out the Chief, so they dropped their packs and promptly ran as fast as they could toward him. Just before they got to the top, the Chief ran over the other side of the hill. The two soldiers followed. For the next few minutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. Then as quick as it had started, it stopped, and the Chief came up on the hilltop. He brushed off his BDUs , straightened his cover, crossed his arms and stood there looking at the Taliban soldiers.

The infuriated commander called for a squad to go get the Chief. They promptly ran as fast as they could toward him. Just before they got to the top, the Chief ran over the other side of the hill. The squad followed, and for the next few minutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. Then as quick as it had started, it stopped, and the Chief came up on the hilltop, brushed off his BDUs , straightened his cover, crossed his arms and stood there looking at the Taliban soldiers once again.

The commander was really hot now. He ordered the rest of his platoon to attack the Chief. Confident that Taliban soldiers were far superior to one lone Air Force Chief the commander smiled defiantly. The horde of Taliban soldiers had blood in their eyes and hate in their hearts as they ran up the hill. Just before they got to the top, the Chief ran over the other side of the hill. The bloodthirsty soldiers followed. For many minutes there were horrific screams and dust flying in the air. It continued for some time.

Finally, one lone Taliban soldier came crawling back to the commander, all bloody and beat about the head and shoulders. His clothes were torn, cuts lone soldier, trying to catch his breath, replied in a forceful and trembling voice:

"Sir,...run,...it's a trick. There are TWO of them!!"

[Kidd Sentencia]

AIR TRAVEL TODAY
> > >
> > > The Southwest Airline's passenger cabin was being served by an
> > > obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good
>mood
> > > as he served them food and drinks.
> > >
> > > As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle
> > > and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to
>announce
> > > that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly,lovely people, so if
>you
> > > could just put up your trays that would be super."
> > >
> > > On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well dressed, rather
> > > exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear
> > > over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the
> > > main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
> > >
> > > She calmly turned her head and said,
> > > "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."
> > >
> > > To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well,
> > > sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I out-rank you.
> > > Put the tray up, Bitch."

[Kidd Sentencia]

Tawa lang muna to relieve our anxiety...hehehe, derby results is coming soon. Biro lang ito; huwag galit ha!

Here's one of the original MSDS:

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS DATA SHEET

ELEMENT: WOMAN
SYMBOL: 0+
DISCOVERER: ADAM
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 55KG but known to vary from 45 to 225KG.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Body surface normally covered with film of powder and paint.
2. Boils at absolutely nothing - freezes for no apparent reason.
3. Found in various grades ranging from virgin materials to common ore.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Reacts well to gold, platinum, and all precious stones.
2. Explodes expontaneously without reasons or warning.
3. The most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USE:
1. Highly ornamental, specially in sports cars.
2. Can greatly aid relaxation.
3. Can be a very effective cleaning agent.

HAZARDS:
1. Turns green when place alongside superior specimen.
2. Possession of more than one is possible but specimens must never make eye contact.

[Pinolim]

Bad boy Kidd!!!My misis better not read this one!!!! The earth will explode to pieces!!

------------------
4got10cocker

[Kidd Sentencia]

//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/lol.gif Pinolim...hehehe, mag tennis ka pag nabasa niya yan para hindi ka masabugan.

Etong balita ko naman: May kapatid daw si Bin Laden sa Pilipinas. Si Bak...hehehe.

Kidd

[Kidd Sentencia]

passed by Pareng Edwin to me...hehehe:

A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver
won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask
you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers: "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am
and have been a nun as
long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm
sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well,let's see what we can do about that:
#1, you have to be single and
#2 you must be a Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic
too!"

The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills
his fantasy with a big wet kiss. But when they get back on the road, the
cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child." said the nun, "Why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married
and a I'm Anglican ."
The nun says,
"That's OK, I'm on the way to a Halloween party, and my name is Kevin."

[victe]

Dear Cyberfriends

Dont you know Manning sent postcard to my wife? Its says:

Dear Maryflor,

May peace, joy and hope be yours at Christmas and always.

Sincerely
Manning


GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! Arf! arf!

[Rattlesnake]

SIPPING VODKA

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After
mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I
am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I
take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy, junior and the spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10 . The recommended grace before a meal is
not:Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God!

11 . Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a
peter pulling contest at St.Taffy's.


------------------
Abu Ahas

[Pinolim]

Abu ahas, that was a sacrilegious posting, but I got a kick out of it!!!!Ha!ha!ha! My wife thought I have gone bonkers falling out of chair laughing!!!!
Happi New Year!!!!!

------------------
4got10cocker

[CLUB CARDINAL]

It's Saturday morning.

Bob's just about to set off on round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around noon.

So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phoned home.

"Hello" Says a little girl's voice.
"Hi honey, it's Daddy," says Bob "Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the room with Uncle Frank" After a brief pause, Bob says
"But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, Honey!"

"Yes, I do and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"

"Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone,run upstairs and knock on the beedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house"

"Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.

"Well, I did what you said,Daddy"

"And what happened?"

"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming; then she tripped over the rug and fell down the front steps and she's just lying there. I think she's dead"

Oh my God! And what about Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on, and he wal all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool.But he must have forgot the last week you took out all the water to clean it, sh he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and is just lying there, not moving. He may be dead,too"

Then there is along pause, then Bob says,"Swimming pool-Swimming pool- Is this 854-7039?

[Sundowner]

This lady is having a bed-wetting problem, so she decides to go to the doctor. The doctor tells her to go and get undressed and wait for him in the other room. When the doctor goes into the room he tells the lady to stand on her head facing the mirror. She figures he is a doctor and gets in front of the mirror. The doctor goes over to the lady and rests his chin between her legs and looks in the mirror. After a few minutes he stands up and tells the lady to go ahead and put her clothes back on and he will talk to her when she is dressed. The lady puts her clothes on and asks the doctor what is wrong with her. He tells her that she needs to quit drinking before she goes to bed. The lady asks the doctor why he had her get naked in front of the mirror and stand on her head.
He replies, "I wanted to see how I would look with a beard."



------------------
Sonny

[victe]

A man was about to rob a store when he heard someone said " Jesus sees you". The man start looking around and saw a parrot. " aha! So your name is Jesus! said the man. The parrot replied: No, my name is Moses, Jesus is the name of the Dobermann behind you!

[Sundowner]

During news conference in the White House, a female reporter ask President Bush, Mr.
President I have been watching the news about this Tora-bora mountain where Ben Ladin is suppose to be hiding. With all the help from Northern Alliance,the deployment of our elite Marines together with theBritish Special Force,Why Mr.Ben Laden has
not been captured yet? Well, according to the latest intelligence report, Ben Laden have slipped out of Tora-bora. I don’t have any idea on his where about now… "he has not
return my call on his cell phone".


------------------
Sonny



[This message has been edited by Sundowner (edited 01-11-2002).]

[Rattlesnake]

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune.

"One Texas soldier is better than ten Taliban".

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes then silence.

The voice then calls out "One Texan is better than one hundred Taliban".

Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The Texan voice calls out again "One Texan is better than one thousand Taliban".

The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.

Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander.

"Don't send any more men, its a trap. There's two of them."


------------------
Abu Ahas

[Kidd Sentencia]

Ang Liham!
> >
> >Mahal kong Itay at Inay,
> >
> >Medyo binagalan kong magsulat ngayon dahil alam ko
> na mabagal kayong
> >magbasa.
> >Nandito na kami sa America at nakatira sa bagong
> bili na bahay pero
> >hindi
> >ko maibibigay sa iyo ang address at telopono dahil
> dinala ng dating
> >nakatira ang number para daw hindi na sila
> magpapalit ng address at
> >phone
> >number.
> >
> >Maganda ang lugar na ito at hindi naman kalayuan sa
> San Francisco.
> >Dalawang
> >beses lang umulan sa linggong ito, tatlong araw
> noong una at apat na
> >araw
> >naman nung pangalawa.
> >
> >Nakakainis lang ang mga paninda dito katulad na
> nabili kong shampoo
> >dahil
> >ayaw bumula. Nakasulat kasi sa labas ay FOR DRY
> HAIR kaya hindi ko
> >binabasa
> >ang buhok ko pag ginagamit ko. Mamaya ay ibabalik
> ko sa tindahan at
> >magrereklamo ako.
> >
> >Noong isang araw naman ay hindi ako makapasok sa
> bahay dahil ayaw
> >bumukas
> >ang padlock. Nakasulat kasi ay YALE, aba eh namalat
> na ako sa kakasigaw
> >ay
> >ayaw pa din bumubukas.
> >
> >Magrereklamo din ako dun sa nagbenta ng bahay,
> akala
> >nila ay hindi ko alam na SIGAW ang tagalog ng YALE,
> wise yata ito!
> >
> >Mayroon nga pala akong nabili dito na magandang
> Jacket at tiyak na
> >magugustuhan mo. Ipinadala ko na sa iyo sa DHL.
> Medyo mahal daw dahil
> >mabigat ang mga butones kaya ang ginawa ko ay
> tinanggal ko na lang ang
> >mga butones at inilagay ko sa mga bulsa. Ikabit mo
> na lang pagdating
> >diyan.
> >
> >Nagpadala na din ako ng tseke para sa mga nasalanta
> ng bagyo, hindi ko
> >na
> >pinirmahan dahil gusto kong maging anonymous donor.
> >
> >Ang kapatid ko nga palang si Berting ay may trabaho
> na dito. Mayroon
> >siyang
> >500 na tao na under sa kanya. Nag-gugupit siya
> ngayon ng damo sa
> >Memorial
> >Park. Okey naman ang kita, above minimum ang sahod.
> >
> >Yung pinsan kong si Susie nagkita kami sa downtown
> kagabi. Abot ang
> >pustura
> >at make-up. GRO daw siya ng isang malaking
> resort-hotel. Pang night
> >shift
> >daw siya at malaki ang kita niya. Buti pa siya sabi
> niya, pahiga-higa
> >lang
> >pera na. Libre tulog pa sa hotel.
> >
> >Wala na akong masyadong balita. Susulat na lang ako
> ng madalas.
> >
> >
> >Love,
> >
> >Badong
> >
> >P.S. Maglalagay sana ako ng pera kaya lang ay
> naisara ko na ang
> >envelope.
> >Next time na lang ha?
>
>

[Rattlesnake]

World Domination

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were whipped by their
women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."

Said and done, the next time God looks the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were whipped was 100 miles long, on the line of men that dominated women there was only one man.

God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud, Learn from him!" Tell them..
my son how did you manage to be the only one on that line?

The man said, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here."


------------------
Abu Ahas

[Kidd Sentencia]

FAT THEOLOGY
> > And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach,
> green
> > and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and
> > healthy lives.
> > And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent
> > double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"
> >
> > And Man said, "Supersize them." And Man gained pounds.
> > And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure
> that
> > man found so fair.
> > And Satan brought forth chocolate. And woman gained pounds.
> > And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
> > And Satan brought forth ice cream. And woman gained pounds.
> > And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil
> with
> > which to cook them."
> >
> > And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own
> > platter. And Man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the
> > roof.
> >
> > And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra
> > pounds.
> >
> > And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not
> have
> > to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained
> pounds.
> > And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil." And God brought
> forth
> > the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with
> nutrition.
> >
> > And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center
> into
> > chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also.
> >
> > And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in
> > cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, "It is good." And Man went into
> cardiac
> > arrest.
> >
> > And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
> > And Satan created HMOs.
> >

[bam2626]

Ghost Story

A pinoy fresh off the boat lined up for tickets for an Oprah Winfrey show. He was lucky enough to get in and be part of the audience.

At the start of the show, Oprah said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, our topic for today is "Ghosts". Anybody who has ever seen a ghost, please stand up. A good number including the pinoy stood up. Then Oprah said, ok anybody who had had a relationship with ghosts, please remain standing. A lot of them sat down but a few remained standing including the pinoy. Oprah said, good, anybody who has ever made love to a ghost please remain standing. Everybody except the pinoy sat down. Oprah was so ecstatic and said, wow! a real to goodness person who has made love to a ghost. Sir, can you come up here on stage so I can interview you as soon as we come back from a commercial."

The pinoy wa sitting down beside Oprah Winfrey and it was very obvious that the pinoy was very very nervous. Pinagpapawisan pre, so Oprah tried her best to calm him down. "Just be yourself and just answer my questions truthfully." "We are live! shouted the director and Oprah started, "OK sir, tell us about how you made love to a ghost." The pinoy said "GHOSTS? I thought you said "GOATS"!!!!!!!

bam

[astro]

Hello mga kaCyber, I read all your nice posts, jokes and the like.

I've been sleeping for a while, kasi naghahanap ako ng pampusta sa derbies natin, kahapon natagpuan ko na rin. Ganito iyon mga kasama.

Dito sa project namin sa India malapit sa Pakistan border, tinanong ko ang PM ng Main Contractor kung bakit kakaunti ang production nila ng graba at buhangin. Ang sagot sa akin hindi daw sila puede na gumamit ng dynamite for rock blasting, puede lang daw chemical process lang. Nagulat ako sa sagot niya, kaya ipinasiya ko na bisitahin ang rock quarry nila mga 62KMS. sa project site. So pinuntahan ko kahapon ang rock quarry nila at rock crusher nila na bagong bago na imported ba galing pa raw sa Sweden iyon. Pinuntahan ko ang area na kinukunan nila na mga bato. Mataas na bundok na puro granite na bato. Sa gilid ng bundok, mayroon ako na nakita na entrada papunta sa ilalim ng bundok. Tinanong ko ang PM na kasama ko, kung iyan ang dahilan kung bakit hindi kayo makagamit ng dynamite. Tumango sa akin ang kasama. Tinanong ko kung ano ang nasa loob niyan. Binulong sa akin na nandiyan daw si Bin Laden, kaya pagnalam daw ni Uncle Sam na nandiyan si Bin Laden, baka hulugan ng malaking bomba, di pati daw sila ay mamatay. Sinabi ko sa kanya, na alam mo ba kung magkano ang bayad kung sino man ang makakapagturo sa kanya, 65MUSD. Gulat siya sabi niya sa akin, bibigyan daw ako ng balato. Tinanong kung magkano, 5mUSD daw.Wow...wow, ang daming pera iyon di marami na akong pantaya sa derby. Itutuloy ito mga kasama, kasi wala pa ang 5musd ko.Baka sa susunod na post. Sino ang gusto ng balato?

Astro

[Oplod]

Pareng Astro ,

Huwag! teka....hu hulihin natin ng buhay!!
akala ko sa Pinas na yan-(dahil pinay ang isang paboriting asawa)dyan lang pala nagtatago? tawagan mo lang ako at kaya nating hulihin ng buhay yan. para may pang sabong tayo--he! he~! he!

[Oplod]

Pareng Astro ,

Huwag! teka....hu hulihin natin ng buhay!!
akala ko sa Pinas na yan-(dahil pinay ang isang paboriting asawa)dyan lang pala nagtatago? tawagan mo lang ako at kaya nating hulihin ng buhay yan. para may pang sabong tayo--he! he~! he!

[Kidd Sentencia]

See if you can do this. Read each line aloud...

This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumbass cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top...

Betcha you can't resist passing it on

[Kidd Sentencia]

SENIOR PERSONAL ADS
----------------------------------------------
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, slim, 5-4
(used to be 5-6), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing
companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
----------------------------------------------
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband
looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting,
shortness of breath not a problem.
----------------------------------------------
SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean,
yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together,
take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
----------------------------------------------
WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a
dedicated flossier to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel
candy.
----------------------------------------------
BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my
Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the air guitar. If
you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together
and listen to my boss collection of eight-track tapes.
----------------------------------------------
MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can
remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
----------------------------------------------
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair,
many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Doesn't run but
walks well.

[Kidd Sentencia]

Subject: Train Ride

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. After the initial uneasiness, they both go to sleep - the man in the upper berth, and the woman in the lower berth.

In the middle of the night the man leans over, wakes the woman & says,

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly reach over and get me another blanket?"

The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye says,

"I have a better idea. Just for tonight let's pretend that we are married."

The man happily says,

"OK. AWESOME!"

The woman says,

"GOOD... Get your own ****ing blanket."

[Kidd Sentencia]

Subject: FW: Why we' re so tired!!!

USA ONLY.

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, too much
pressure from my job, earwax buildup, poor blood, but now I found out the

real reason: we're tired because we're overworked.

Here's why:

The population of this country is 273 million.

140 million are retired.

That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school,

Which leaves 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government,

Leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces,

Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for state and city

governments.

And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals,

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work - you and me.

...and you're sitting on your duff, at your computer, reading jokes!

[astro]

Originally posted by Oplod:
Pareng Astro ,

Huwag! teka....hu hulihin natin ng buhay!!
akala ko sa Pinas na yan-(dahil pinay ang isang paboriting asawa)dyan lang pala nagtatago? tawagan mo lang ako at kaya nating hulihin ng buhay yan. para may pang sabong tayo--he! he~! he!


Pareng Oplod Cheers,Yam Shing,

Mahirap ang iniisip mo Pare na hulihin na buhay. Di siguro o-obra, matindi ang mga bantay. Mayroon na mga tiger sa bunga-nga ng kueba. Sabi noon isa ang isa raw ay si Tiger Woods. He..he.. Kaunting tawa naman diyan. Kaya napag-isip-isip na huwag na lang tangapin ang inaalok sa akin dahil malabo yata na magyari na mahuli siya. Kasi ang yungip pala na iyon ay hangang Chechen, Russia. Biro mo naman na haba na iyon. Di natin malalaman kung saan talaga siya.

Di kita puede ipahamak Pre, para lang mahuli siya. Tama na iyan may kaunting pampusta tayo sa Derby, kung marami ay baka malaman pa ni Abu, hindi Ahas kundi si Yapsa.

Anyhow I will keep you inform about the progress.

Astro

[RCERADOY]

pareng astro,
buhay o patay man sama ako diyan ha,he-he-he.para next year derbies marami tayong
puhunan.ingat pre madulas yan,gumamit ka ng
abu na may asin,he-he-he...
parehas

[astro]

Pareng Parehas,

Siempre kasali ka Pre, hating kapatid, parehas. For the meantime dream ka muna. Okay Dok.

Astro

[Kidd Sentencia]

Look at the date today, all 2s and 0s...except in KSA, hehehe...

Jrtras, habang days off mo yata ngayon.

Kidd

[Kidd Sentencia]

Is Sabong your Rock, Pebbles, or Sand? Read on...hehehe.

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks right to the top, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in to the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. The students laughed. He asked his students again if the jar was full? They agreed that yes, it was. The professor then picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up every-thing else. "Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, and your children - anything that is so important to you that if it were lost, you would be nearly destroyed. The pebbles are the other things in life that matter, but on a smaller scale. The pebbles represent things like your job, house, or car. The sand is everything else, the small stuff." "If you put the sand or the pebbles into the jar first, there is no room for the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your energy and time on the small stuff, material things, you will never have room for the things that are truly most important."

Sand for me, hehehe...

Kidd

[Kidd Sentencia]

Sound familiar?
Before moving to the South, there are a few things you should know
that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles ..

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes .. The South has 'mater
samiches.

The North has coffee houses .. The South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services .. The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives .. The South has Lee Press-on
Nails.

The North has double last names .. The South has double first names.

The North has Ted Kennedy .. The South has Jesse Helms.

The North has an ambulance .. The South has an amblance.

The North has Cream of Wheat .. The South has grits.

The North has green salads .. The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters .. The South has crawdads.

If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-
wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly.
Don't try to help them; just stay out of their way. This is what
they
live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same
store. ...don't buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all
y'all's" is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'

The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted
Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big ol' truck or 'big ol'
boy'. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this
way. All of them are in denial about it.

Be advised that 'He needed killin' is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you
should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words
he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the
smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the
local
grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not.
You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own
shotguns,
they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to
aim.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't
think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had
kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call them biscuits.

HAVE A GOOD DAY! Send this to four people that ain't related to ya,
and I reckon your life will turn into a country music song fore you
know it!

[Ulopong]

Late Breaking News!
It has been reported that Osama bin Laden was captured
this morning at 4 :22 AM Pacific Standard Time by US
Special Forces.

The prime suspect of the recent terrorist attack on the
World Trade Center in New York City, bin Laden was
captured at gunpoint as he fled an underground passage
in a remote mountainside of southern Afghanistan.

Northern Alliance troops, who witnessed the events
unfold, explained that moments earlier United States
war planes had sprayed liquid Viagra across the
southern Afghanistan countryside, and the little prick
just popped up!


------------------
Fangs

[Oplod]

Did they caught him red handed? I mean ...he is still holding his when they caught him.he! he! he!

[Oplod]

...still holding his....weapon?

[Pinolim]

Pareng Oplod, pumotok na daw iyong weapon niya, tatlo ang tinama-an, hintayin na lang natin ang resulta nang mga tinama-an pagkalipas nang siyam na buwan at lalabas iyong misil, malaki na.

------------------
4got10cocker

[Ulopong]

WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE? CAKE OR BED?

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW. HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY; FIX THE LIGHT? NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A G.E. LOGO PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!

THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT. TO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY
FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.

FINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY'RE ABOUT TO BREAK. I'M NOT A DAMN CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS, HE SAYS. DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AND HELP OUT.

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED. AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING. AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE. HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?

SHE REPLIED, HELLOOOOO.......DO YOU SEE
BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!


------------------
Fangs

[Kidd Sentencia]

Sooony! Please post your jokes here...OK?

Parehas, makakalimutin na itong pakner mo ah...hehehe.

Here's my story for the day (passed to only of course):

Subject: FW: Something to think about

This is a true testament of how the smallest of actions (good or bad) can
really make an impact. Let's all try to focus on making a difference in
someone's life, regardless of how small it may seem.


Let's see if you send this back
One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was
walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was
carrying all of his books.
I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday?
He must really be a nerd."
I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends
tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at
him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in
the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about
ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his
eyes.
My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around
looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his
glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives." He
looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It
was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his
books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so
I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private
school before now.
I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all
the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty
cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my
friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know
Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again.
I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious
muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me
half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were
seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I
was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles
would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for
business on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a
nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation.
I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak. Graduation
day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found
himself during high school.
He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I
had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous.
Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his
speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be
great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one)
and smiled.
"Thanks," he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began.
"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those
tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but
mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to
someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story."
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first
day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of
how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later
and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved.
My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us
all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and
smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's
depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you
can change a person's life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each
other's lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.

[Sundowner]

Joke of the day:

Two men were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams.

"I dreamed I was on vacation," one man said fondly. "It was just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake. What a dream."

"I had a great dream too," said the other. "I dreamed I was in bed with two beautiful Filipina women and having the time of my life."

His companion looked over and exhorted, "You dreamed you had two Filipina women, and you didn't call me?"

"Oh, I did," said the other, "but when I called, your wife said you'd gone fishing with your dog Pilippi.."


------------------
Sonny

[Kidd Sentencia]

Always get a second opinion

Joe was a successful lawyer but he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his career and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across an old country doctor who solved the problem.
"The good news is that I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine, and the pressure creates a terrible headache.”
"The only way to relieve the condition is to remove your testicles." Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered whether he had anything to live for. He couldn't even concentrate long enough to answer his own question, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital after the surgery he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he also felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought: "That's what I need ...a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit", and picked one out.
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long." Joe laughed,
"That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years."

Joe tried on the suit and it fit him perfectly. As Joe admired himself, the salesman said, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe, and said, "34 sleeve and a 16 1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years."

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman said, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe's feet, and said, "Let's see 91/2 E."
Joe was astonished, "How did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years."

Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman said, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second, and said, "Sure."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see ... size 36."
Joe laughed, "Ah ha. I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old.
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear size 34. A 34 underwear would press your testicles up against your spine and give you a hell of a headache

[Kidd Sentencia]

THE SPOON: A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a
difference for an organization...

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed
that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt
pocket.

It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when the
busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his
shirt pocket, then looked around the room and saw that all the staff had
spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"
"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Anderson
Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After
several
months of statistical analysis, they concluded that customers drop
their spoons 73.84 percent more often than any other utensil.

This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table
per hour. If our personnel are prepared to deal with that contingency, we
can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 1.5 man-hours
per shift."

As luck would have it I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace
it with his spare spoon. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the
kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was rather
impressed.

The waiter served our main course and I continued to look around. I
then noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's
fly.

Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string
hanging from their flies. My curiosity got the better of me and before
he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have
that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" he answered, lowering his voice. "Not everyone is as
observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that
we can save time in the restroom. "How so?" "See," he continued, "by tying
this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out over the urinal without
touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening
the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

"Okay, that makes sense, but . . . if the string helps you get it
out, how do you put it back in?"

"Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "I don't know
about the others, but I use the spoon."

[Sundowner]

Joke of the day

March 21, 2002
Rated G
"Fast, very fast!"

There was a teenage boy who worked in the produce section of the local market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter. So he walked into the back and said, "There's some jerk out there that wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this here gentleman wants to buy the other half..." The manager Okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?" The boy replied, "Canada, Sir." "Oh really? Why did you leave Canada?" asked the manager. The boy replied, "They're all just up-tight homely women and hockey players up there." "Really," replied the manager, "My wife is from Canada!" The boy replied, "No kidding! What team did she played for?"



------------------
Sonny

[Ulopong]

have a good week ahead! Happy Easter to you all!


An unemployed man is desperate to support his family. His wife
watches TV all day and his three teenage kids have dropped out of high school
to hang around with the local toughs. He applies for a janitor's job at
a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum
wage of $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that we
can get you in the loop. Our system will automatically e-mail you all the
forms and advise you when to start and where to report on your first day."

Taken back, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a
computer nor an e-mail address. To this the manager replies, "You must
understand that to a company like ours that means that you virtually do not
exist. Without an e-mail address you can hardly expect to be employed by a
high-tech firm. Good day."

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having $10 in
his wallet, he walks past a farmers' market and sees a stand selling
25lb crates of beautiful red tomatoes. He buys a crate, carries it to a
busy corner and displays the tomatoes. In less than 2 hours he sells all the
tomatoes and makes 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that
day, he ends up with almost $100 and arrives home that night with several
bags of groceries for his family.

During the night he decides to repeat the tomato business the next
day. By the end of the week he is getting up early every day and working
into the night. He multiplies his profits quickly. Early in the second
week he acquires a cart to transport several boxes of tomatoes at a time,
but before a month is up he sells the cart to buy a broken-down pickup
truck. At the end of a year he owns three old trucks. His two sons have
left their neighborhood gangs to help him with the tomato business, his
wife is buying the tomatoes, and his daughter is taking night courses at
the community college so she can keep books for him. By the end of the
second year he has a dozen very nice used trucks and employs fifteen
previously unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. He continues to work hard.
Time passes and at the end of the fifth year he owns a fleet of nice trucks
and a warehouse which his wife supervises, plus two tomato farms that the
boys manage.

The Tomato Company’s payroll has put hundreds of homeless and jobless
people to work. His daughter reports that the business grossed a
million dollars.

Planning for the future, he decides to buy some life insurance.
Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to
fit his new circumstances. Then the adviser asks him for his e-mail address
in order to send the final documents electronically.

When the man replies that he doesn't have time to mess with a computer
and has no e-mail address, the insurance man is stunned, "What, you
don't have e-mail? No computer? No Internet? Just think where you would
be today if you'd had all of that five years ago!"


------------------
Fangs

[Kidd Sentencia]

all about cocks (kuno); the sizes and descriptions...hehehe.

cock-atakot - big
cocka-inis - pangit
cock-apirangot - liit
cock-akulangot - pwe!
cock-a-choke - extra large
cock-a-lahati - putol
cock-a-buntis - all sizes

[Ulopong]

Humor is a GREAT way to begin the day.

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in... what happens to the other penny?

8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

17. If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me. They're cramming for their final exam.

21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

30. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

31. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

32. If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and theTampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

33. If four out of five people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it?

34. There are three religious truths:
* Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
* Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
* Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

------------------
Fangs

[This message has been edited by Ulopong (edited 04-03-2002).]

[Kidd Sentencia]

Ulopong, my friend knows all the answers to your questions...//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/lol.gif

I'll post 'em tomorrow...hehehe.

Just,

Kidd-ing

truly, your jokes made my day...hehehe

[Harimanok]

WHAT EXACTLY IS A BITCH?!? ARE YOU A BITCH?

Some friends were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.

The first guy says "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know...
"Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist"

The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know ....
"Double Income, No Kids."


The third guy says, "I'm a R.U.B., you know...
"Rich, Urban, Biker."

They turn to the woman and ask her, "What are you?" She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you know....
"Wash, Iron, ****, Etc."

A second gal answers their question before they even ask it:
I am a "BITCH." "What exactly is a BITCH?"..., the men ask in unison.
"Babe In Total Control of Herself."

So ladies, next time somebody calls you "Bitch" -SMILE
...and say "Thank You !!"

[Kidd Sentencia]

Work Survival Training:

1. Never walk without a document in your hands People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

2. Use computers to look busy
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.

3. Messy desk
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

4. Voice Mail
Never answers your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.

5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed
According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.

6. Leave the office late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.

7. Creative Sighing for Effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.

8. Stacking Strategy
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).

9. Build Vocabulary
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.

10. MOST IMPORTANT!!!:
DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!

Pass this along to all your friends
(but make sure your boss doesn't see it!)!

[Kidd Sentencia]

Subject: Stella awards

The only thing which surpasses these plaintiffs in stupidity is the jurors
(and judge for allowing it)!
It's scary to think what this world is coming to.

Most everyone has heard of the Darwin Awards, given annually to the
individuals who do the most for mankind by removing themselves from the gene
pool. Now, we have the Stella Awards given to the individuals who win the
most frivolous lawsuits ever.
The Stella Awards are named in honor of 81-year-old Stella Liebeck, the
woman who won $2.9 million for spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on
herself.
The following are candidates for the award:

#1) January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000
by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle, tripping over a toddler who
was running amok inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were
understandably surprised at the verdict, considering that the misbehaving
little fellow was Ms. Robertson's own son.

#2) June 1998: 19 year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and
medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.
Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the
car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

#3) October, 1998: Terrence ****son of Bristol, Pa., was leaving a house he
had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the
garage door to go up, because the automatic door opener was malfunctioning.
He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and
garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation. Mr.
****son found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on
a case of Pepsi he found in the garage and a large bag of dry dog food. Mr.
****son sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him
undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of a half million dollars.

#4) October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded
$14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his
next-door neighbor's beagle. The dog was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in
yard at the time. Mr. Williams was also in the fenced-in yard. The award
was less than sought because the jury felt the dog may have been provoked by
Mr. Williams who, at the time, was repeatedly shooting it with a pellet gun.

#5) December 1997: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson
of Lancaster, Pa., $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her
coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her
boy-friend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

#6) December 1997: Kara Walton of Claymont, DE., successfully sued the owner
of a night club when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and
knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying
to sneak through the window in the ladies' room to avoid paying the $3.50
cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

[Sundowner]

Subj: ERAP

ERAP: The Catholic Church is really prejudiced against me.

CARDINAL SIN: Why do you say that?

ERAP: Why is there holidays like:

"Domingo de Ramos" (Fidel Ramos),
"Sabado de Gloria" (Gloria Macapagal),
also "Sagrada Corazon de Jesus" (Corazon Aquino),

but none with my name? I was once a President too.

SIN: Alright, I'll give you one your favorite concierto mahjong day, "ASS Wednesday".


------------------
Sonny

[Kidd Sentencia]

> << << Subject: Who's the drunkest?
> >
> > Three women had a very late night drinking.
> > They left in the early morning hours and went
> > home their separate ways.
> >
> > The next day, they all met and compared notes about
> > who was drunker the night before.
> >
> > The first girl claims that she was the
> > drunkest, saying, "I drove straight
> > home and walked into the house. As soon as I
> > got through the door I blew chunks for 10 minutes."
> >
> > The second said, "You think that was drunk?
> > Hell, I got into my car and wrapped my car
> > around the first tree I saw.
> ! ;> I don't even have insurance!"
> >
> > The third proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest
> > by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband,
> > knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!"
> >
> >
> > The room was silent for a moment. Then, the
> > first girl spoke out again,
> > "Listen girls, I don't think you understand...Chunks is my _og."

[Kidd Sentencia]

For Laughs.....

A pregnant woman is in a car accident and falls into deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees
that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, " Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl.
The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, " Oh no, not my brother, he's an
idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, " Well, what's the girl's name?" Denise," says the doctor.
The new mother thinks, " Wow, that's not a bad name. I guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!"

Then she asks the doctor, " What's the boy's name?" The doctor replies, " Denephew."

[astro]

Break Muna Tayo Mga Kasama,

Kainting tawa muna tayo kung bibilihin ninyo>

Okay ito na:
1)
>>>Anak : Tays ! kakains na tayos !
>>>Tatay: Hoy Anak ! Tigilan mo nga iyang kakalagay mo ng "s" sa mga sinasabi mo ha ! Ano ba ang ulam natin Anak?
>>>Anak : Bangu ho na may kamati at ardina na may ibuya at kamati..
>>>Tatay: Anak lagayan mo uli ng "s" ang sinasabi mo. Ay mali.
_____________________________________________

2)
>>>A man wanted to buy a bra for his wife but he does't know the size.
>>>Salesgirl asked: Is it big as papaya?
>>>Man: Replied "NO"
>>>Salesgirl: Ah.. like and egg!
>>>Man: say "Yes", but fried like a sunny side-up.
___________________________________________
3)
Dalawa magkaibigan:
>>>Boyet: Ganda kotse o ! Siguro kay Mayor iyan !
>>>Cosme: Dili bay!
>>>Boyet: Ah! kay Warden iyan.
>>>cOSME: Tunto ! Kay Father iyan, nakasulat na nga sa likod " Safari"

Take care CBFs more next time if requested.

Astro

[Sundowner]

It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot. They were an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen.

The elephant complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a fool!"

The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick up food, drink water, etc. without getting wet!"

Next the giraffe complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS LONG NECK! It makes me top heavy, I get terrible neck pains, and people laugh at me!"

The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches, and allows you to see a distance."

The hen spoke up, "Lord, I don't want to complain, but either let me have a bigger hole or smaller eggs."



------------------
Sonny

[Sundowner]

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses."

"The kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus."




------------------
Sonny

[Sundowner]

Subject: Language Barrier

There was this Asian lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in St. Louis. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but she managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs.

The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say it in English, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted.

The third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store... (Please scroll page down.)
>
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>
>
>
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>
>
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>
>
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> What were you thinking? Helloooooooooo, her husband speaks English!!


------------------
Sonny

[Kidd Sentencia]

http://www.inq7.net/comics/2002/may/09/comics.htm

[Kidd Sentencia]

The other day I was in the Auto Zone part store. A lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap. We all looked at each other and said, "What's a seven ten cap?"
She said "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost some how and I need a new one. "What does it do?
She said, I don't know, but its always been there. The Counter Clerk gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture. So She makes a circle about 3 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710

hehehe

[Kidd Sentencia]

Leaving Montreal for Quebec, I decided to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I went to the washroom. The first stall was taken so I went to the second stall. I'd just sat down when I heard a voice from the next stall...

"Hi there, how's it going?" Now I'm not the type to strike up conversations
with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn't know what to say, but finally I said, "...Not bad..."

Then the voice said, "So, what are you doing?" I thought that was kind of weird, but I said, "Well, I'm just going to the
bathroom, then I'm going back east..."

The voice interrupted, "Look, I'm gonna have to call you back. Every time I ask you a question, this idiot in the next stall keeps
answering me!"

[Kidd Sentencia]

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his
money and was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money
more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his
wife, "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it
in the casket with me. Because I wanna take my money to the afterlife with
me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that
when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife
was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When
they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to
close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!'

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the
casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled
it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all
that money in there with that man. "

She said, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that
I was gonna put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with the man?"
" I sure did," said the wife. "'I wrote him a check."

[jacket]

Gates vs GM
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with
technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00
cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a statement

" If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving
cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Everytime they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a
new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would
have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the car windows,
shut it off, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would just accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your
car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.

5. The airbag system would ask "Are you SURE?" before deploying.

6. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned
the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

7. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

[Kidd Sentencia]

hehehe, jacket...that's true...

here's a buddy sent me:

Subject: License


I was just sent this. Now you can see anyone's Driver's License on
the Internet - including your own! I just searched for mine and there it was...picture and all!
I don't think this is a good idea at all! Do you? I think we should maybe start up a petition or something
protesting this.
What do you think? Click on the website below and check it out. It's unbelieveable!!!
http://www.license.shorturl.com/

[Ulopong]

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.

They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years,when
one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture,brings
the two to life. The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient
through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given
life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left."

"Would you care to do it again?" he asks her. "Shall we?" She eagerly replies,"Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down, and you **** on its head


------------------
Fangs

[Kidd Sentencia]

Pactner, etong sa akin...hehehe.

The Rules -- This Time By Men

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the*rules from the male side. These are our rules!* Please note ... these*are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1.* Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1.* Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if
we can find the perfect present yet again!

1.* Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1.* Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1.* Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive
*than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is
*that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck
*with her.

1 . Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
that way.

*1.* Crying is blackmail.

*1.* Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work!O bvious hints do not work! Just
say it!

*1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with yourd ress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

*1.* Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
*what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

*1.* A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

*1.* Check your oil! Please.

*1.* Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
*fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

*1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
*us to act like soap operag uys.

*1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse
*to answer.

*1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
*ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

*1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

*1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
*done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
*yourself.

*1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
*commercials.

*1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

*1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
*months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your
*girlfriends.

*1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows defaults ettings.
*Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
*We have no idea what mauve is.

*1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

*1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
*mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

*1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
*nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
*hassle.

*1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
*you don't want to hear.

*1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
*Really.

*1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
*discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster
*trucks.

*1. You have enough clothes.

*1. You have too many shoes.

*1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee
*or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're
*saying anyway.)

*1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
*together. No, itd oesn't matter which quiz.

*1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

*1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

*1.* Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
*couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like
*camping.

[Ulopong]

Check this out...

A very moving statement before US subcommittee
Date: Tue, 18 Jun 2002 10:04:41 -0700

LOU DIAMOND PHILLIPS

Written Testimony before the House of Representatives VA Subcommittee on Health
June 13, 2002 Washington DC

Mr. Chairman and Members of the Committee:

My name is Lou Diamond Phillips, an American citizen of Filipino descent. I am proud to say that I come from a family on both sides who have performed military duty in the service of this country. I have five Filipino uncles who have proudly served in the U.S. Navy; two of whom went on to become staff members of the White House under President Nixon.

Both my father and stepfather were also sailors in the Navy; my stepfather, George Phillips, having served two tours of duty in Vietnam. My father was so proud of his military affiliation that he named me after
a war hero of the Second World War, Gunnery
Sergeant Lew Diamond, a Marine legend in the
Pacific Theatre.

I stood proudly beside my mother, Lucita, as her witness when she took her oath of citizenship to become an American. Like many immigrants who choose to become citizens of this country, my mother and the remainder of her Filipino family have become proud and contributing members of the American society, eagerly embracing the opportunities that this great country has provided their families. They have watched their children,
first generation Americans, as they became
doctors, lawyers and teachers.

I, myself, realize that my career in the film industry would probably not have been possible anywhere else in the world and, for that, I am eternally grateful. I truly believe in America as a shining light, as the symbol in the world for democracy and freedom. It is for these reasons, and many more, that, today, I consider it not only my privilege but my duty to speak for the 'Filipino Veterans of World War II.

As many of you know, President Franklin Roosevelt drafted the Commonwealth Army Soldiers of the Philippines who were United States Nationals into American Military Service on July 26, 1941. Many of these soldiers were still teenagers. Yet, they
bravely answered the call to battle, fighting side by side with their American allies. Farm boys from different parts of the world became fast friends and comrades; brothers in arms. Many thousands paid the ultimate price.

For those Filipino soldiers who survived the horrific battles and the ghastly conditions of the infamous prisoner of war camps, the promise was made by the American government that they would be considered United States Veterans with "active service" by the Veterans Administration and, therefore, be entitled to all of the benefits that that designation entailed.

However, a scant five years later, after victory in the Pacific was assured, these guarantees were rescinded by the U.S. government on February 18, 1946, when it enacted the "Rescission Act" (public law 79-301 now U.S. code sec. 101, title 38). Effectively, this action seemed to deny the involvement of the Filipino soldiers in the war effort and, certainly, was a poor repayment for the loyalty shown by the Filipino people.

In fact, many war historians and American Veterans of the Pacific Theatre have noted that, if not for the contributions of the Commonwealth Army Soldiers, the Filipino guerillas and the scouts and even the Filipino citizens who served as spies and couriers for U.S. Intelligence, the tide of the war, which at the time of conscription was in a desperate state, may not have turned toward an American victory. The brave contributions of the men and women of the Philippines cannot be quantified and certainly should not be diminished.

In the sixty years since official U.S. recognition of the Filipino Veterans was withdrawn, a few positive steps have been made in reparation. In 1990, 26,000 Filipino Veterans were naturalized as U.S. citizens under the 1990 Immigration and Naturalization Act because of their U.S. military service. Additionally, under public law, PL 106-419, they may be buried in VA National Cemeteries as U.S. Veterans. However, while they live, they are denied eligibility to be patients in the VA Hospitals.

Many of these men are well into their eighties and beyond. They are now certainly in need of the kind of medical attention that the VA benefits would provide. But, perhaps, even more importantly, they desire as their last wish the recognition that they so richly deserve for the sacrifices that they made in the fight for freedom and democracy.

I know a little something about the Filipino
culture. We are a proud people. It is my
observation that many Filipinos would rather have the respect of their families and their
communities than have material gain. Since 1990, an estimated 12,000 Filipino Veterans have died waiting for recognition for the single greatest achievement of their lives.

We are now losing these brave men, once young and passionate fighters, now infirmed and without a strong voice of their own, at the alarming rate of up to five men a day. Time continues to run out for the ones who remain, and a posthumous award in the form of a military burial can only be considered the next best thing.

Let us celebrate these men while they still live. It is important to note that U.S. recognition of these veterans would not just be a token gesture. There are presently an estimated 13,849 Filipino Veterans who reside in the United States and another 46,050 who live in the Philippines. That is nearly 60,000 families that will be impacted by your decision. Nearly 60,000 men whose wives and children and grandchildren will know, without qualification, that their husbands and fathers were heroes.

Additionally, and certainly not unimportantly, with the passage of these bills before you, these men and women in the twilight of their lives will become eligible to receive Veteran's benefits from the U.S. Department of Veteran's Affairs. Benefits
such as VA Health Care at VA hospitals, out
patient clinics and nursing homes in the U.S., including a clinic in Manila and a monthly permanent disability pension if they are poor and disabled.

I hasten to remind you that these benefits are not new prizes to be awarded, but guarantees that need to be re-instated after our government promised and then rescinded this status after services had been rendered in good faith.

Today, we can right a wrong and pay respect where it is long overdue. Please join your colleagues in the speedy passage of these bills; S. 1042 was introduced by Sen. Daniel Inouye (D-Hawaii) a WWll veteran and co-sponsored by nine Senators: Akaka (D-Hawaii), Allen (R-Virginia), Boxer (D-California), Feinstein (D-California), Clinton (D-New York), Sarbanes (D-Maryland), Miller (D-Georgia), Durbin (D-Illinois) and Murray (D-Washington). H.R. 491 was introduced by Rep. Benjamin Gilman (R-NY), another WWll Veteran, and Rep. Bob Filner (D-California) and has 49 co-sponsors in the House. H.R. 4904 was introduced by Rep. Bob Filner and co-sponsored by Moran (R-Kansas), Evans (D-Illinois), Gilman (R-New York), Scott (D-Virginia), Cunningham (R-California), Pelosi (D-California), Rohrabacher (R-California), Mink (D-Hawaii),
Millender-McDonald (D-California), Lofgren
(D-California), and Underwood (D-Guam).

In closing, I am reminded of the words of General Douglas McArthur when he said to the Filipino people and to his American troops hopelessly entrenched in the islands, "I shall return." It is my belief that he didn't mean that he would return empty-handed.

It is my hope that he intended to return the loyalty, commitment and respect shown to him and to America by the Filipino people. We have before us an opportunity to uphold the word of America and continue to be a shining light of democracy and fairness.

Mr. Chairman and Members of the Committee, as a concerned American citizen, as a son of our military system, and as a person of Filipino descent, I humbly thank you for your diligence and wisdom in this matter.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration.
--------------- End -------------------

Truely a Pinoy.....

------------------
Fangs

[Kidd Sentencia]

Lesson in Worms

Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a jar of sperm .
The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day, these were the results:
The first worm in alcohol - dead.
Second worm in cigarette smoke - dead.
Third worm in sperm - dead.
Fourth worm in soil - alive.

Lesson:As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't get worms.

[Kidd Sentencia]

Been a while...

Three guys were sitting in a biker bar. This man came in, he was already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.
He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, "I went by your grandma's house and I saw her in the hallway, butt naked. Man, she is fine!"
The biker looked at him and didn't say a word. His buddies were confused, because he was a bad ass, and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The biker still said nothing. His buddies were starting to get mad.
The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I'll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!"
The biker stood up, took the drunk by the shoulder and said, "Damn it, grandpa, you're drunk. Go home!"

[Soseng]

I knew a man...his name is Christian.
He has his girlfriend,Satine
who will be celebrating her
birthday in the weekend.
Christian went to the mall to buy her a gift
He went with his sister..
it was nearly december so
Christian bought fluffy cotton gloves.
His sister bought panties for herself.
When they went home,
Christian packed the wrong package.
He instead wrapped the package
of her sister and then he wrote a note..
the note said:
Satine,
Happy birthday!
I hope you will be kept warm by this gift.
I just feel sad because this gift covers
the part of your body I love to touch..
I also remember that when I get excited and all,
I'd squish it...
I love it's scent,and I love kissing it every time we
go out.
I hope the size is just right for you.
I made my sister try it out herself.
I figured feminines have almost the same sizes.
I also made the saleslady try it on.
It looked good on her and I believe
it would look better on you..
sorry if it itches,I havent washed it yet.
But I figured it's clean.
Happy birthday!

[Kidd Sentencia]

http://www.yehey.com/funnypages/jokes-pinoyhumor.aspx

Ang Kabayo

Isang araw si Kulas as nakaupo at nagbabasa nang diyaryo, nang bigla na lang binatukan siya nang kaniyan asawa. tanong ni Kulas, "bakit, ano bat binatukan mo ako?" Sabe ni missis, "sino itong Marilou na itong nakuha ko sa bulsa mo?". ang sagot ni Kulas, " Ah, iyan, si Marilou mahal ay pangalan nang kabayong tinatayaan ko". "Ay sorry honey, akala ko kase." ang sagot naman ni missis. Pagkalipas nang isang linggo, si Kulas ay nakaupo at nagbabasa nand diyaryo uli, nang bigla na lang siyang binato ni misses. "Bakit ba, ano na naman ba iya?" ang tanong ni Kulas sa missis. ang sagot ni missis, "Ang kabayo mong si Marilou ay tumawag.”

[VBalu]

Aboard a luxury ship, on the deck there were four guys standing, a Russian, a Cuban and a Filipino.
The Russian pulled out a bottle of Absolut Vodka and opened it up . He gulp just a little and then threw the Bottle into the sea.
Dazzled, the Cuban asked, " Why, there's still plenty of precious vodka, why waste ?"

Tho this the Russian replied, " Oh, we have plenty of those Vodka in Russia !"

This time the Cubantook out a new pack of fresh cigars, lighted one and also took a few puffs and threw the cigar and the whole pack to the sea. He boasts also " You see, in Cuba, cigars are very common. We have plenty of those where they come from !"

The Filipino took a deep breath . Not to be outdone, he immediately PUSHED the fellow beside him into the sea.
"Hey,hey,hey!", shouted the Russian and the Cuban. " Why did you pushed him ?"

"Oh, don't worry!", the Pinoy said, "we have plenty like him where we came from".
" He is a politician, you know"..


P>S laughter is still the best medicine, and its free !!

[Sundowner]

Quote-Of-The-Day:
==================

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators
would be dead.
Johnny Carson

Here is a "hard" quiz...

Schwartzenegger has a big one

Michael J. Fox has a small one

Madonna doesn't have one

The Pope has one but doesn't use his

Clinton uses his all the time

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one

George Burns' was hot

Liberace never used his on women

Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his

We never saw Lucy use Desi's

What is it?

Answer below! (this is really good)

Did you get it yet???

Don't give up!



------------------
Sonny

[Kidd Sentencia]

Anong "last name" mo sooony?

Kidd

[Kidd Sentencia]

The following is from a British journalist stationed in the Philippines.
>His observations are so hilarious!!!! This was written in 1999.
>
>Matter of Taste
>by Matthew Sutherland
>
>I have now been in this country for over six years, and consider myself in
>most respects well-assimilated. However, there is one key step on the
>road
>to full assimilation which I have yet to take, and that's to eat BALUT.
>
>The day any of you sees me eating balut, please call immigration and ask
>them
>to issue me a Filipino passport. Because at that point there will be no
>turning back.
>
>BALUT, for those still blissfully ignorant non-Pinoys out there, is a
>fertilized duck egg. It is commonly sold with salt in a piece of
>newspaper,
>much like English fish and chips, by street vendors usually after dark,
>presumably so you can't see how gross it is.
>
>It's meant to be an aphrodisiac, although I can't imagine anything more
>likely to dispel sexual desire than crunching on a partially-formed baby
>duck
>swimming in noxious fluid. The embryo in the egg comes in varying stages
>of
>development, but basically it is not considered macho to eat one without
>fully discernable feathers, beak, and claws. Some say these crunchy bits
>are the best. Others prefer just to drink the so-called 'soup', the
>vile,pungent liquid that surrounds the aforementioned feathery fetus. . .
>
>excuse me, I have to go and throw up now. I'll be back in a minute.
>
>Food dominates the life of the Filipino. People here just love to eat.
>They eat at least eight times a day. These eight official meals are
>called,in order: breakfast, snacks, lunch, merienda, pica-pica, pulutan,
>dinner, and
>no-one-saw-me-take-that-cookie-from-the-fridge-so-it-doesn't-count. The
>short gaps in between these mealtimes are spent eating SkyFlakes from the
>open packet that sits on every desktop. You're never far from food in the
>Philippines. If you doubt this, next time you're driving home from work,
>try this game. See how long you can drive without seeing food and I don't
>mean a distant restaurant, or a picture of food. I mean a man on the
>sidewalk frying fish balls, or a man walking through the traffic selling
>nuts
>or candy. I bet it's less than one minute.
>
>Here are some other things I've noticed about food in the Philippines.
>Firstly, a meal is not a meal without rice-even breakfast. In the UK, I
>could go a whole year without eating rice.
>
>Second, it's impossible to drink without eating. A bottle of San Miguel
>just isn't the same without gambas or beef tapa.
>
>Third, no one ventures more than two paces from their house without baon
>and
>a container of something cold to drink. You might as well ask a Filipino
>to
>leave home without his pants on. And lastly, where I come from, you eat
>with a knife and fork. Here, you eat with a spoon and fork. You try
>eating rice swimming in fish sauce with a knife.
>
>One really nice thing about Filipino food culture is that people always ask
>you to SHARE their food. In my office, if you catch anyone attacking
>their
>baon, they will always go. "Sir! KAIN TAYO!" ("Let's eat!"). This
>confused me, until I realized that they didn't actually expect me to sit
>down
>and start munching on their boneless bangus. In fact, the polite response
>is something like, "No thanks, I just ate. " But the principle is sound-if
>you have food on your plate, you are expected to share it, however hungry
>you
>are, with those who may be even hungrier. I think that's great. In
>fact,
>this is frequently even taken one step further. Many Filipinos use "Have
>you
>eaten yet?" ("KUMAIN KA NA?") as a general greeting, irrespective of time
>of
>day or location.
>
>Some foreigners think Filipino food is fairly dull compared to other Asian
>cuisines. Actually lots of it is very good: spicy dishes like Bicol
>Express
>(strange, a dish named after a train); anything cooked with coconut milk;
>anything KINILAW; and anything ADOBO. And it's hard to beat the sheer
>wanton, cholesterholic frenzy of a good old-fashioned LECHON (roast pig) de
>leche feast. Dig a pit, light a fire, add 50 pounds of animal fat on a
>stick, and cook until crisp.
>
>Mmm, mmm. . . you can actually feel your arteries constricting with
>each
>successive mouthful.
>
>I also share one key Pinoy trait ---a sweet tooth. I am thus the only
>foreigner I know who does not complain about sweet bread, sweet burgers,
>sweet spaghetti, sweet banana ketchup, and so on. I am a man who likes to
>put jam on his pizza. Try it! It's the weird food you want to avoid. In
>addition to duck fetus in the half-shell, items to avoid in the Philippines
>include pig's blood soup (DINUGUAN); bull's testicle soup, the
>strangely-named "SOUP NUMBER FIVE" (I dread to think what numbers one
>through
>four are); and the ubiquitous, stinky shrimp paste, BAGOONG, and it's
>equally
>stinky sister, PATIS (fish sauce).
>
>Filipinos are so addicted to these latter items that they will even risk
>arrest or deportation trying to smuggle them into countries like Australia
>and the USA, which wisely ban the importation of items you can smell from
>more than 100 paces. Then there's the small matter of the blue ice cream.
>I have never been able to get my brain around eating blue food; the
>ubiquitous UBE leaves me cold.
>
>And lastly on the subject of weird food, beware: that KALDERETANG KAMBING
>(goat) could well be KALDERETANG ASO (dog)... The Filipino, of course,
>has
>a well-developed sense of food. Here's a typical Pinoy food joke: "I'm on
>a
>seafood diet. "What's a seafood diet?" "When I see food, I eat it!"
>Filipinos also eat strange bits of animals---the feet, the head, the
>guts,etc. , usually barbecued on a stick. These have been given witty
>names, like "ADIDAS" (chickenís feet); "KURBATA" (either just chicken's
>neck,
>or "neck and thigh" as in "neck-tie"); "WALKMAN" (pigs ears);"PAL" (chicken
>wings);"HELMET" (chicken head); "IUD" (chicken intestines), and "BETAMAX"
>(video-cassette-like blocks of animal blood).
>
>Yum, yum. Bon appetit.

[RC_amoyong]

(Hindi ko alam kong may nag post na nito kasi may nag-email lang sa akin,pero ito puwede na ring pagtiyagaan habang molting manok )
It is the year 2002 and Noah lives in the PHILIPPINES. The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark."Remember," said the Lord,"You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?" "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems.First,I had to get a Mayor's permit for construction and your plans "did not comply with the codes". I had to hire their "engineering firm" and "redraw" the plans. Then I got into a fight with Municipal Fire Safety Inspector over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and extinguishers. Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a permit from the municipal planning office. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Monkey Eating Eagle. I finally convinced the DENR that I needed the wood to save the eagles. However, the DENR won't let me catch any eagles. So, no eagles. The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the KMU. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no eagles. When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the DENR again notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact assessment on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe. Then the DPWH demanded a map of the proposed new flood plan. I sent them..... a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the DOLE that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard! The BIR has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the BIR that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a recreational water craft." Finally the Senators got the courts to issue a TRO against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 10 or 16 years!" Noah wailed. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?" "No," said the Lord sadly. ......"The government is already doing that."

[TabukSuba]

Gusto kung bumait pero di ko magawa!!!!

Tatlong kolehiyala sa loob ng jeep?
Rina: Bakit amoy malansa?
Karen: Oo nga! Parang amoy sperm!
Gina: (violent reaction) Ang aarte naman ninyo! Para dumighay lang ako, eh!

Mga lasa ng gatas ng babae?
1. Dalagita? fresh milk
2. Dalaga? pasteurized
3. Bagong kasal? skimmed
4. Matagal nang kasal? yogurt
5. Matandang dalaga? taho
6. Lola? tokwa

Nag-aaway ang dalawang tanga?
Kulas: Ano ba ang gusto mo, away o gulo?
Tomas: Away na lang para walang gulo!

Limang klase ng egg preservation?
Maalat-alat: salted egg iyan.
Maitim: century egg.
Mabuhok: balut iyan.
Mabaho: bugok iyan.
Malibag: bah! bayag na yan!

Sa hardin ng Paraiso?
Adan: Lord, hindi ko na kaya ang pagtukso ng ahas sa akin!
Lord: Maging matatag ka, anak. Ano ba ang tukso ng ahas sa iyo?
Adan: Supot! Supot! Supot!?

Sa isang ospital, pagkatapos ng operasyon?
Pasyente: Dok, bakit ganito ang operasyon sa ulo? Halos kita na ang utak ko?
Dok: Okey iyan. At least, open-minded ka na ngayon.

Inday: Sir, karamihan pala ng nakalibing sa sementeryo, ginahasa!
Sir: Paano mo nalaman?
Inday: Kasi, nakalagay sa lapida nila? RIP!

Sa airport canteen, umorder ang isang Amerikano?
Kano: Miss, will you please give me one few two? Tindera: What, sir?
Kano: I said one few two.?
Tindera: Oh, puto!
Kano: Yeah, thats right!
(Sa loob-loob ng tindera, Tangna! Puto lang, pino-few two few two
pa! Gagantihan ko siya!?
Tindera: Okey, sir? What color do you want? few la? or few ti?

Nagpa-blood test si Tulume. Kumuha ng sample ang nars.
Pagkatapos,walang >makitang bulak ang nars kaya sinipsip ng nars ang daliri ni
Tulume. Naligayahan si Tulume kaya sinabihan niya ang nars,
"Magpapa-urine test din ako!"

Ano ang mas maraming sakay, jeepney o ambulansya?
S: Siyempre, ambulansya! Kasi, ang jeepney, 10-10 lang bawat side,
samantalang sa ambulansya, madalas na 50-50 ang sakay.

Hindi raw bingi?
Kustomer: (sumisigaw) PABILI NG HOPE!
Tindero: Huwag mo akong sigawan! Hindi ako bingi?ilang Coke ba ang bibilhin mo?

Kumpisalan?
Tulume: Father, patawarin po ninyo ako.
Pari: Ano ang kasalanan mo?
Tulume: Nagnakaw po ako ng limang manok.
Pari: Magdasal ka ng limang Ama Namin.?
Tulume: Father, walong Ama Namin na po ang dadasalin ko. Babalikan ko pa `yung naiwang tatlong manok, mga winner na raw po yung!

//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/lol.gif //sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif //sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/lol.gif //sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif

TBS

[This message has been edited by TabukSuba (edited 09-18-2002).]

[This message has been edited by TabukSuba (edited 09-18-2002).]

[Kidd Sentencia]

THE "FORWARDERS" 12 STEP PROGRAM

EVERYONE PLEASE PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR MONITOR AND REPEAT THESE WORDS WITH ME:

1) I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I DON'T forward an email!
>>
2) I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, if I do forward an e-mail.
>>
3) Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money, Victoria's Secret doesn't know anything about a gift certificate
they're supposed to send me.
>>
4) Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I forward my e-mail to more than 50 people!
>>
5) I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from Coca-Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, OutBack SteakHouse or anyone else if I send
an e-mail to 10 people.
>>
6) I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an e-mail..NEVER-NEVER!!
>>
7) There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program, and I am not gullible enough to think
that someone will send me $100 for forwarding an
e-mail to 10 or more people!
>>
8) There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish program in England collecting anything!
He did when he was 7 or 8 years old. He is now
cancer-free and 35 years old and DOESN'T WANT ANYMORE POST CARDS or GET-WELL CARDS.
>>
9) The government does not have a bill in Congress called 601B (or whatever they named it this week)
that if passed, will enable them to charge us 5 cents for every e-mail we send.
>>
10) There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colorful flowers, characters, or program that I will receive immediately after I forward an-mail.
NONE, ZIP, ZERO, NADA!!
>>
11) The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to a certain individual dying of some never-heard-of disease
for every e-mail address I send this to. The American Red Cross RECEIVES donations.
>>
12) And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into sending things by telling me I am not their friend or that I don't believe in Jesus Christ. If God wants to send me a message, I believe the bushes in my yard will burn before He picks up a PC to pass it on! And my friends already know that I
love them - whether or not I respond to or forward an email.
>>

Now, repeat this to yourself until you have it memorized, and send it along to at least 5 of your friends before the next full moon or you will surely be constipated for the next three months and all of your hair will fall out.

Oh, and you will have really good luck and Jesus really WILL love you if you send me $20. //sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/wink.gif

[TabukSuba]

ONLY IN D PILIPINS

On a wall in Laloma street, a sign says
"HULI IHI, PUTOL ****"

Nakasulat sa pader:
"MARUNONG KA BANG TUMAHOL? ASO LANG ANG UMIIHI DITO!"

Along a highway in Pampanga:
"WE MAKE MODERN ANTIQUE FURNITURE"

On a self-service restaurant in Cebu:
"PLEASE HELP OUR COMFORT ROOM CLEAN"

In a Baguio grocery:
"FRESH FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE"

On a house beside an auto repair shop:
"NO PARKING AND REPAIR HERE"

Signs at PHILCOA:
"NO CROSSING PEDESTRIANS WILL BE APPREHENDED"

In Baguio Country Club:
"TEMPORARY CLOSE"

In Cubao:
"NONE ID NOTHING ENTRY"

On a parking lot:
"TAXI AND OUTSIDE CAR NOT ALLOWED"

Office clinic in Sta. Cruz:
"DR. SAKIM A. MORGE. MD."

Along Luneta Boulevard:
"BAWAL TUMAE SA BULEVARD"

On Jeepney and Bus signs:
"BEFORE PAY, TELL WHERE GET THE ON BEFORE GET THE OFF"

On a Flower shop in Rizal Avenue:
"WE SELL ARTIFICIAL FRESH FLOWERS"

On a delivery truck:
"NOT FOR HERE"

On window of a restaurant in Baguio:
"WANTED: BOY WAITRESS"

On a street in San Juan:
"BAWAL MAGTAPON NG BINALOT NA TAE RITO"

A grafitti inside the cubicle of a ladies' C.R. in a university:
"PLEASE DON'T SIT LIKE A FROG, SIT LIKE
A QUEEN."

At a men's comfort room, above a urinal:
"HAWAK MO ANG KINABUKASAN NG BAYAN"

On a truck:
"KUNG NABABASA MO 'TO, PAG-NAUTOT AKO MAAAMOY MO"

At a construction site in Mandaluyong:
"BAWAL OMEHI DITO. ANG MAHOLI BOG-BOG"

Somewhere along San Andres:
"NO URINATING, ON THE OVER WALLS"

Vacant lot near makati ave.:
"DON'T PARKING"

At an eatery in Cebu:
"WE HAB SOPDRINK IN CAN AND IN BATOL!

And this is the best of them all!!

On a building somewhere in the Philippines.....
"NOTARY PUBLIC TUMATANGGAP DIN NG LABADA KUNG
LINGGO"


Hindi bawal ngumiti so .... SMILE FOLKS!!

TBS
//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/lol.gif //sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif

[Sundowner]

While touring Cebu, this US born Filipino who understand a little tagalog conceded that the Cebuanos are friendly and curteous. While shopping, he noticed that almost everybody in he store will greet him kamusta na Bi or bili na Bi. Across the street he noticed a Crème Donut shop one of his
favorite pastries. Moment later he was greeted by a man tending the shop, “Donut Bi”? Why you don't want my money ? Have a nice weekend..DN


------------------
Sonny

[Sundowner]

While touring Cebu, this US born Filipino who understand a little tagalog conceded that the Cebuanos are friendly and curteous. While shopping, he noticed that almost everybody in he store will greet him kamusta na Bi or bili na Bi. Across the street he noticed a Crème Donut shop one of his
favorite pastries. Moment later he was greeted by a man tending the shop, “Donut Bi”? Why you don't want my money ? Have a nice weekend..DN


------------------
Sonny

[Edong]

Got this from Inquirer (Libre)………

Siya ba ay Nagtataksil?

Kung ikaw ay nagdududa sa iyong kasintahan/asawa, hindi masamang manigurado, Tingnan kung alin sa nakalista ang tugma sa inyong relasyon.

1. Mukha ba siyang guilty at may tinatago?
2. Bigla ba siyang bumabait?
3. Bigla ba siyang nagreregalo nang walang dahilan?
4. May mga gastos ba siyang hindi niya maipaliwanag? (Sabihin na lang talo sa sabong)
5. Dumadalas ba ang boys’ o girls’ night out? (Kita kits?)
6. Hindi ba niya maalis sa tabi niya ang cellphone?
7. Nagagalit ba siya kapag binabasa mo ang kanyang text messages?
8. Pinapatay niya ba ang cellphone niya kapag nasa bahay?
9. Marami ba siyang SIM card?
10. Nakikipag-usap ba siya sa cellphone habang nasa CR?
11. Tinatago ba niya ang credit card bills niya sa iyo?
12. Natatawag ka ba niya sa ibang pangalan?
13. Palagi ba siyang wala sa office kapag tumatawag ka?
14. Umuuwi ba siyang bagong ligo at basa pa ang buhok?
15. Lagi ba siyang pagod ay ayaw makipagtalik?
16. May nauuwi ba siyang panyo ng iba?
17. Bigla ba siyang nagpapagwapo/nagpapaganda?
18. Marami bang tumatawag sa bahay mo na ibinababa ang telepono kapag ikaw ang sumasagot?
19. Pabulong bulong ba siya sa telepono?
20. Umuuwi ba siyang baliktad ang underwear?
21. Kapag magkausap kayo sa telepono may naririnig kang babae sa background?
22. Lagi ba siyang nakikipag-chat kung kanikanino sa Internet?
23. Defensive ba siya kapag tinatanong mo kung nagtataksil siya sa ‘yo?
24. Madalas ba siyang late umuwi? Papito pito ba siya at biglang masayahin?
25. May marka ba siya ng lipstick sa katawan?
26. Wala bang family pictures o picture mo sa kanyang wallet at opisina?
27. Hindi ba niya laging suot ang inyong wedding ring?
28. Masyado bang napapadalas ang kanyang meeting?
29. Napapadalas ba ang paglabas nila ni bestfriend?
30. Kung siya ay lalaki, amoy babae ba siya? Kung siya ay babae, amoy lalaki ba siya?
31. Mahaba ba siya masyado magpaliwanag kapag tinatanong kung saan siya galing?
32. Kapag tinatanong mo ba sa kaibigan niya kung nangangaliwa siya ang sagot ba sa yo ay “ewan”?
33. Nagbago ba ang posisyon ng passenger seat sa kotse niyo?
34. Nagbukas ba siya ng bagong bank account?
35. May mga resibo ba siya na hindi maipaliwanag?
36. Malayo ba ang tinakbo ng metro ng kanyang kotse kahit sa opisina lang siya dapat galing?

[TabukSuba]

On a beautiful desert island the following people are stranded:

Two Italian men and one Italian woman;
Two French men and one French woman;
Two German men and one German woman;
Two Greek men and one Greek woman;
Two English men and one English woman;
Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman;
Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman;
Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman;
Two American men and one American woman;
Two Australian men and one Australian woman;
Two New Zealander men and one New Zealander
woman;
Two Irish men and one Irish woman;

One month later on this beautiful desert island the following events have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man
fighting over the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are
living happily together in a menage-a-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean and another long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are
awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor-store/restaurant/laundry and
have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.

The two American men are contemplating the
virtues of suicide, because the American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do,the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.

The two Australian men beat each other senseless fighting over the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men.

Both New Zealand men are searching the island
for sheep.

The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and set up a distillery; they do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whisky but
they are satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.

Cheers.

TBS

//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif //sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif

[TabukSuba]

http://www.geocities.com/bubut_gavino/bad_font.jpg
http://www.geocities.com/bubut_gavino/spell_check.jpg
http://www.geocities.com/bubut_gavino/pic09161.jpg

Cheers
TBS

[This message has been edited by TabukSuba (edited 09-22-2002).]

[This message has been edited by TabukSuba (edited 09-22-2002).]

[Kidd Sentencia]

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his Family including his mother-in-law. During their vacation in Jerusalem George's Mother-in-law died. With the death certificate in his hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the United States for a proper burial.

The Consul told George that to send the body back to the United States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost,him as much as $5,000.00. The Consul told him, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here in Jerusalem. This would only cost him $150.00.

George thinks for sometime and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back; that's what I want to do."

The Consul says "You must have loved your Mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price."

"No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case many, many years ago of a man that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead!

I just can't take that chance!

(sakri ba?...'sensiya na ha, di sa akin eh)

[Kidd Sentencia]

Notice the names of the NKs!

Scores:

PHILIPPINES 89 -- Duremdes 21, Taulava 13, Racela 8, Hontiveros 8, Espino 6, Menk 6,Ildefonso 6, Seigle 6, Cariaso 6, Castillo 5, Pennisi 4, Hatfield 0.

NORTH KOREA 63 -- Pak 20, Ri 13, Pyo 9, Pak KN 8, Jo 6, Pak IC 5, Kim 2, Kim Ki 0.

[Ulopong]

LAUGHTER IS STILL THE BEST MEDICINE

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. Why do women call it PMS?
A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.


Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of truelove?
A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving
their minds?
A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratch

------------------
Fangs

[Kidd Sentencia]

palitan...hehehe.

HoW To KeEp A HeaLthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd dRiVe OtHeR PeOple iNsAnE!

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point your hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Insist that your e-mail address be:
zena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com

4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."

7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."

10. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

11. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

12. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

13. dontuseanypunchtuationorspaces

14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

15. Ask people what sex they are.

16. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

17. Sing along at the opera.

18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)

20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them where you're going. For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.

21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

23. Hum when you ride an elevator.

have I or someone else posted this? hehehe...

not sure,

Kidd

[This message has been edited by Kidd Sentencia (edited 10-09-2002).]

[Ulopong]

[This message has been edited by Ulopong (edited 10-12-2002).]

[Kidd Sentencia]

Aro, hehehehe...nahahawa ka na yata kay Soony!

Dobolpostka...hahaha!

Alam kong problem...hindi mo nakits ang unang post mo then natabunan ng akin, so akala mo lana, dinapost.

Alam ko kasi nangyari sa akin yan eh, pero malayo sa akin si Soony kaya di ako nagdobolpost...hehehe.

siyulator!

Kidd

[Ulopong]

//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif

//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif

//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif//sabong.com.ph/UbbNonCgi/smilies/bounce.gif

[La Concordia]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Kidd Sentencia:
[B]Is Sabong your Rock, Pebbles, or Sand? Read on...hehehe.

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks right to the top, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in to the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. The students laughed. He asked his students again if the jar was full? They agreed that yes, it was. The professor then picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up every-thing else.

May kasunod pa yun... then the Professor asked again, Is the Jar already full now...

Waht is your answer????

[Kidd Sentencia]

too big of a question...hehehe.

Kidd

[Ulopong]

Here is the text of the complaint letter which an Italiano tourist wrote to the Manager of a hotel in London.


Dear Signor Diretorre,

Now I am tella you the story how I was treated at your hotella. I am comma from Palermo as tourist to London and stay as a
young man at your hotella.

When I comma in my room I see no **** in my bed. How can I sleep with no **** in my bed? I calla down the Receptione and tell:

"I wanna ****". They tella me, " Go to the toillett ". I said, " You no understand. I wanna **** in my bed ". They said, "You
betta not **** in your bed, you onnawabitch".
Signor Diretorre, what is sonnawabitch?

I go down to ristorante for breakfast. I order bacona and eggs and two pisses of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I
tella waitress and point to toast. "I wanna piss". She tella me, "Go to the toillett". I say, "You no understand. I wanna piss on my
plate".

She then say to me, "You bloody fella better not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch". Second person who do not even know me and call me sonnawabitch! What is sonnawabitch?
Later I go dinner into restorante. Spoon and knife is laid but no fock. I tella waitress " I wanna fock", and she tella me, "Sure, everybody wanna fock". I tell her, "You no understand. I wanna fock on
the table".

She then tell me, "So you sonnawabitch, wanna fock on the table? Get your ass outa here!" So I go to the receptione and ask for
bills. I no wanna stay in your hotel no more.
When I have pay the bills, the porter say to me, "Thank you and piss be with you". I say " Piss on you too, you sonnawabitch".

He looks unhappy and shows me his middle finger. Why, Signor Directorre?

I go back to Italy! I never more comma stay in your hotella,

You Sonnawabitch!

Givonni


------------------
Fangs

[kimora]

Originally posted by La Concordia:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Kidd Sentencia:
[B]Is Sabong your Rock, Pebbles, or Sand? Read on...hehehe.

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks right to the top, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in to the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. The students laughed. He asked his students again if the jar was full? They agreed that yes, it was. The professor then picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up every-thing else.

May kasunod pa yun... then the Professor asked again, Is the Jar already full now...

Waht is your answer????

Hehehe, Pareng Condorde, I think I know the answer. NO, because he will be pouring water again to really make it full. I have encountered that in the Butling school I have attended. Good day.

[La Concordia]

May kasunod pa yun... then the Professor asked again, Is the Jar already full now...

Waht is your answer????[/B][/QUOTE]


And the students answered: yes sir. The professor got a pitcher of water and poured the contents into the jar up to the rim.

The End. lol

[La Concordia]

Originally posted by La Concordia:


May kasunod pa yun... then the Professor asked again, Is the Jar already full now...

Waht is your answer????


And the students answered: yes sir. The professor got a pitcher of water and poured the contents into the jar up to the rim.

The End. lol[/B][/QUOTE]

Or lets add. nagkamali pala yung professor semento pala yung akala nya ay buhangin. at dumating ang misis nya hinahanap ang jar.
andressss!!!!!!!

ngyaaaa.