First Joke Of 2009

[Sundowner]

Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine sitting by herself :

Man: 'May I buy you a cocktail?'

Maxine: 'No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs.'

Man: 'Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?'

Maxine: 'No, they spread' .

[waklaboo]

Doctor's Affair

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.

He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by, and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means."

The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you."

Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs; two without."

[Mudflop]

Young teacher wanted to have a child. Went to a doctor and asked if she could get a donor and have it implanted artificially. The doctor replied, "no problem". "Just fill out the form and state the height, weight, color eyes, nationality etc, information page". The doctor scheduled the teacher for a surgery room on Friday. The teacher checked in and waited in her room. Soon a hospital volunteer came and had her change all her clothing into a hospital gown. Got the teacher to lie down on the gurney and pushed her to the surgery room. The surgery room was busy so the volunteer told the teacher to wait in the hallway and someone will be taking her into the surgery room for her inplant. Soon a man with a gown, mask and head cover came and talked to the teacher and asked her what was the problem. The teacher responded that she was there for an artificial inseminatiion. The man then had her turn on her side and checked her out being fully naked under the blanket. He told her to wait a little while and he would be back for her. Soon the man with the mask and gown came back with three other men in doctors gowns, mask and head cover. The four men then had her roll over on her side and everyone started to touch her and rub her all over. The teacher then said, "Doctor, I don't mind all the touching and rubbing, but can you tell me what time am I scheduled for the surgery room". The man then responded with, " Lady I don't know anything about any surgery, we are just the painters hired to paint the hospital".

[hennie]

a woman had a heart attack and taken to a hospital. on the brink of death, she asked the Lord if this was it. and the good Lord said no, she still has 41 years to live. buoyed by this, the woman had a facial plastic surgery, liposuction an d numerous beauty treatments. when she was walking out of the hospital onto the street, a car sped by, hit her and she was killed. when leaving her body, her soul asked the good Lord, "you said i still have 41 years to live. why this?"
the good Lord said, "i am sorry i did not recognize you."

[jvan520]

napadaan lang mga kasabong.......thanks!!!