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Thread: Happy Holidays to All

  
  1. #1
    Senior Member Al Sanchez's Avatar
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    Happy Holidays to All

    Those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards...
    Please avoid anything that has red and blue flashing lights together? Every time I come around the corner, I think it’s the police and I have a panic attack... I have to break hard, toss my beer, fasten my seatbelt,
    , turn the radio down, and slide my gun under the seat... All while trying to put my clothes back on. It’s way too much drama even for Christmas.... Thank you for your cooperation and understanding. Happy Holidays to All..
    Last edited by Al Sanchez; December 2nd, 2019 at 05:56 AM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member grey/dom's Avatar
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    Re: Happy Holidays to All

    Moved to New York , We heard that summers are fun and winter is beautiful. We think there is no more beautiful a place in the whole world!

    December 8 - 6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

    December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.

    This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

    December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! They say we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. He is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

    December 14 - Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

    December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

    December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

    December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God! I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

    December 20 - Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but. they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Neighbor says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

    December 22 - Yup neighbor was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white **** fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Neighbor who has a plow on his truck-for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the ******* is lying.

    December 23 - Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago. She says she did but I think she's lying.

    December 24 - 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling, and then he comes down the street...at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents...but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

    December 25 - Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to feed her through a chipper shredder.

    December 26 - Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

    December 27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $4,400 to replace all my pipes.

    December 28 - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The B***H is driving me crazy!!!

    December 29 - 10 more inches. I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

    December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

    December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

    January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed ???

  3. #3
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    Re: Happy Holidays to All

    Quote Originally Posted by Al Sanchez View Post
    Those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards...
    Please avoid anything that has red and blue flashing lights together? Every time I come around the corner, I think it’s the police and I have a panic attack... I have to break hard, toss my beer, fasten my seatbelt,
    , turn the radio down, and slide my gun under the seat... All while trying to put my clothes back on. It’s way too much drama even for Christmas.... Thank you for your cooperation and understanding. Happy Holidays to All..
    That's pretty funny right there!

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  5. #4
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    Re: Happy Holidays to All

    Have a SAFE, SOBER AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

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  7. #5
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    Re: Happy Holidays to All

    Thank you Al. Good advice for the HOLIDAYS.

    Merry Christmas to all of you chicken farmers and a Happy New Year.

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  9. #6
    Senior Member Skincarver's Avatar
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    Re: Happy Holidays to All

    Quote Originally Posted by Al Sanchez View Post
    Those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards...
    Please avoid anything that has red and blue flashing lights together? Every time I come around the corner, I think it’s the police and I have a panic attack... I have to break hard, toss my beer, fasten my seatbelt,
    , turn the radio down, and slide my gun under the seat... All while trying to put my clothes back on. It’s way too much drama even for Christmas.... Thank you for your cooperation and understanding. Happy Holidays to All..

    Thanks Al same to you and your family . Along with all of my Sabong friends. Keep her between the ditches LOL.

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  11. #7
    Member RickC's Avatar
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    Re: Happy Holidays to All

    You funny man Al. Better slow down being naughty during the Holidays.

    Merry Christmas and a safe, wonderful New Year to y'all.

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  13. #8
    Senior Member grey/dom's Avatar
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    Re: Happy Holidays to All

    T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
    HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
    IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE,
    MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE.


    I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY,
    WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
    AND TO SEE JUST WHO,
    IN THIS HOME, DID LIVE.


    I LOOKED ALL ABOUT,
    A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
    NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS,
    NOT EVEN A TREE.


    NO STOCKING BY MANTLE,
    JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
    ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES,
    OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.


    WITH MEDALS AND BADGES,
    AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,
    A SOBER THOUGHT,
    CAME THROUGH MY MIND.


    FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT,
    IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,
    I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER,
    ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.


    THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING,
    SILENT, ALONE,
    CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR,
    IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.


    THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE,
    THE ROOM IN DISORDER,
    NOT HOW I PICTURED,
    A TRUE MODERN SOLDIER.


    WAS THIS THE HERO,
    OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?
    CURLED UP ON A PONCHO,
    THE FLOOR FOR A BED?


    I REALISED THE FAMILIES,
    THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
    OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS,
    WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.


    SOON ROUND THE WORLD,
    THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
    AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE,
    A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.


    THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM,
    EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
    BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS,
    LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.


    I COULDN'T HELP WONDER,
    HOW MANY LAY ALONE,
    ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE,
    IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.


    THE VERY THOUGHT BROUGHT,
    A TEAR TO MY EYE,
    I DROPPED TO MY KNEES,
    AND STARTED TO CRY.


    THE SOLDIER AWAKENED,
    AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
    "SANTA DON'T CRY,
    THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;


    I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM,
    I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,
    MY LIFE IS MY GOD,
    MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS.."


    THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER,
    AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,
    I COULDN'T CONTROL IT,
    I CONTINUED TO WEEP.


    I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS,
    SO SILENT AND STILL,
    AND WE BOTH SHIVERED,
    FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL.


    I DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE,
    ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,
    THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR,
    SO WILLING TO FIGHT.


    THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER,
    WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,
    WHISPERED, "CARRY ON SANTA,
    IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE."


    ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH,
    AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.
    "MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND,
    AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT."


    This poem was written by a Peacekeeping soldier stationed overseas.

  14. #9
    Senior Member aguazarca's Avatar
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    Re: Happy Holidays to All

    merry christmas my friends, remember what these days are about!

    Lk 2:11
    For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

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  16. #10
    Member jacosta's Avatar
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    Re: Happy Holidays to All

    Merry Christmas to all and best of wishes from us here in New Mexico.

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  18. #11
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    Re: Happy Holidays to All

    Quote Originally Posted by grey/dom View Post
    Moved to New York , We heard that summers are fun and winter is beautiful. We think there is no more beautiful a place in the whole world!

    December 8 - 6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

    December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.

    This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

    December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! They say we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. He is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

    December 14 - Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

    December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

    December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

    December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God! I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

    December 20 - Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but. they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Neighbor says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

    December 22 - Yup neighbor was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white **** fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Neighbor who has a plow on his truck-for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the ******* is lying.

    December 23 - Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago. She says she did but I think she's lying.

    December 24 - 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling, and then he comes down the street...at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents...but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

    December 25 - Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to feed her through a chipper shredder.

    December 26 - Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

    December 27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $4,400 to replace all my pipes.

    December 28 - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The B***H is driving me crazy!!!

    December 29 - 10 more inches. I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

    December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

    December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

    January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed ???
    I'm feeling this story right now...

    Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk

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  20. #12
    Member Jake hill farm's Avatar
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    Re: Happy Holidays to All

    Quote Originally Posted by MinuteMan View Post
    I'm feeling this story right now...

    Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk
    Chet I will never again complain about having to bust waters here in ga again
    What you got heated water buckets lol?

    Sent from my SM-S767VL using Tapatalk

  21. #13
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    Re: Happy Holidays to All

    Quote Originally Posted by Jake hill farm View Post
    Chet I will never again complain about having to bust waters here in ga again
    What you got heated water buckets lol?

    Sent from my SM-S767VL using Tapatalk
    Hahaha. I wish. Had to dig all the water buckets out

  22. #14
    Senior Member Camarines's Avatar
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    Re: Happy Holidays to All


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